An Introduction to Self Bondage
6 Beginner-Friendly Ways to Experience Bondage On Your Own
You're here on THE CAGE: I'm sure you've seen bondage before. Maybe restraints and bondage are even something that have piqued your interest - and possibly become the center point of some pretty intense fantasies. You might assume that you have to wait until you have a partner in order to experience bondage for the first time, but actually, with some attention to safety and focus on lighter forms of bondage, you can easily explore a bit of bondage all on your own - no other human required!
The #1 rule for bondage safety is to not do self-bondage on your own. For the obvious reasons, when things go wrong, it's pretty hard for you to escape your own bondage when the emergency IS with you. As important as that advice is, it may not be particularly helpful for most people looking to explore bondage on their own. (But still! I want to go on the record as stating this as #1 rule for safety. You can even make it a videocall with anyone who's aware of your physical address and could call emergency services if you become unresponsive.)
If you're more of the online-chat sort, you can even do something like this in a voicechat site where self-play is encouraged or permitted. You can ensure that someone you trust in the chat has your address in case of emergency - and if you don't verbally talk when someone checks in on you, the person should start to follow the emergency protocol the two of you have set up.
So with those ways to skirt around the “solo” aspect of self-bondage out of the way, the risks for self-bondage are higher than that for coupled bondage no matter what you do. There isn't another person to watch over you, and there isn't another set of hands to help speed up the removal process in a hurry (like if your house sets on fire). However, there are ways to mitigate some of those risks through making smart safety choices. Choices like:
Making sure to always have your "emergency out" device nearby. If that's safety shears, have that. For a lot of self-tie kinksters who practice rope bondage, they might have a necklace with their emergency safety shears around their neck - or might tuck it into a piece of clothing that's easy to reach with their desired tie. Your "emergency out" device should be on your person - or literally sitting next to you within easy reach.
Having your cell phone within finger's reach. This is not the time to charge it across the room. Ensuring you have someone you can call - even if it's going to be a super-awkward conversation - to come unbind you in an emergency, is important. There's also 911 (or emergency services in your area). If you're truly stuck or having a medical problem, don't be afraid to call. They've seen pretty much everything - and they just care about dealing with your medical emergency more-so than whatever you're currently doing.
NOT using "unescapable" locks. I know it sounds hot - but it's also really risky - especially when there isn't someone else there to help you escape. Ensure any type of bondage you use has some sort of "out" that could be accessed within 30 seconds. That can be another set of keys or that can be a way to cut it off.
Pre-planning your bondage scene to ensure you have an easy "out" of your bondage - even when you're exhausted. This is going to vary based on person. If you aren't particularly flexible or you have a limb that cramps easily, this means you'll need to plan your scene out with that in mind. Consider the planning part of your bondage as wearing your "Top" hat - and then you get to switch to the "Bottoming" hat when you're actually get into the bondage. Whatever bondage method you choose, you should have a simple way out when you're done.
Understanding your own limitations - and on the same note, be open to obeying them. There's no point in "knowing your limitations" if - when the time comes to start packing up - you choose to "push yourself". Self-bondage is not the time to push yourself, and you should expect that your solo bondage sessions may not challenge you as much as your coupled bondage sessions - and that's totally okay! The #1 priority in self-bondage is your own safety.
Keeping yourself safe means starting to untangle yourself from bondage long before you've hit actual fatigue. On a scale from 0 to 100, if "100" is too tired/cramped/exhausted to move, you need to start untangling your bondage around a 70 or 75. This builds in some wiggle room in case a knot jams or something isn't working right - or you overestimated your body's capabilities. You may not be completely satisfied with what you got to do in bondage today - and that's okay! You can always do bondage again another day.
Leaving your hands free of bondage. That's the ultimate risk-aware safety move. You can do so much more with your hands free - and that still leaves the rest of your body to play with. You can still choose to "bind" your hands with mental bondage: a promise to leave them in a specific spot or area until your bondage period is over. However, having your hands free of bondage items can (literally) be a life-saver if something goes wrong.
If you want some bondage involvement with your hands, don't forget that you don't have to include both hands. You can easily use a bondage mitt on one hand for some feeling of bondage - while leaving the other hand free of limitations.
So Let's Get to the Kinky Fun!
Now that we've covered basic safety, I'm sure you're hopping to get to some of the solo bondage ideas. That's what I'm here for!
Self-tie with rope has been exploding lately - and for a good reason! Not only do you get to practice your skills to become a better rigger in general (which translates well to partnered play if you want!), but rope is an all-in-one bondage option. You can use a single strand of rope to achieve most bondage positions - and all it requires is knowing how to use rope. Rope bondage also has the very-awesome benefit of being easy to cut. In case of emergency, all you need is a pair of safety shears, and you can cut anywhere to free yourself; you don't need to reach a specific lock or be able to twist the key within the lock.
Tape for Bondage
Any sort of "tape" has the same easy-free benefits as rope. While most people don't necessarily enjoy the feel of duct tape on their skin, some people swear by it and love it - and it can be cut-free in an emergency too. Some people like to go with bondage tape which is a vinyl-like material that sticks to itself and holds firm with enough wraps around the area that you're trying to bind.
Similar to tape - but a little bit different - saran wrap holds with the same premise as tape: keep making wraps around a particular area, and soon enough, the combined strength of all of the wraps will form a type of bondage. Saran wrap can be used for compression on any area (for a snug, tight feeling that's bondage-like) or to bind any two limbs together (especially for solo bondage, binding the legs together can be really workable with saran wrap). There's a surprising amount of info out there about saran wrap bondage if that's what you want to explore: http://kinky-world.net/everything-you-need-to-know-about-saran-wrap-bondage
Collars and Restraints
Instead of going the DIY route with tape, rope, or saran wrap, you can always use "proper" BDSM restraints - like collars or wrist/ankle cuffs. If you get a double-sided clip (or get a chain that includes two easy-release clasps), you can easily bind - and unbind - yourself at will. For the best risk-management possible, don't use any locks on your restraints for self bondage - but those double-sided clasps can work perfectly for sensations of restraint while being able to easily unclip things if something is going wrong.
More "bondage light" than hardcore bondage, blindfolds are a super-safe way to play with self-bondage - and they also have the benefit of enhancing the rest of your bondage experience. Honestly, try it. Even if you're the one who put yourself into all of your own bondage, adding a blindfold after-the-fact - and really relaxing into the restrictions - can really amplify all of the sensations and make everything feel more intense. A blindfold is one of the most under-utilized tools in any kinkster's collection.
Restricting your speech can be a lovely way to experience bondage solo. As long as you're using a kink gag that's designed for bondage and anchored outside of the mouth (to avoid choking hazards), any sort of gag in the mouth can be fantastic. Not only does it start to make you drool, but it also ensures any talking you do can turn into lovely "mumbling" - which can really reinforce a "helpless" sensation. (Note: Don't use gags if you're using any sort of verbal check-in as a safe call - or if you're tying up your hands to make it impossible to remove the gag. Remember that, in an emergency, a coherent cell phone call is one of your "outs" - so make sure you always have a way to make that call.)
DO NOT Hog Tie
Most of the self-bondage horror stories you'll hear about involve hog tie bondage positions. That's for a few reasons. For one, they're hard to get into - and really, really, really hard to get out of once your limbs are exhausted. For another, the hogtie position can really restrict breathing. Since you're laying on your stomach with everything pulled behind your back, it puts a lot of pressure on the chest - which can make breathing difficult. Finally, a hogtie position requires binding your wrists - which we know is a major safety factor. So no matter what you're doing, don't do it in a hogtie position!
How to Keep Yourself Bound
Surprisingly enough, one of the biggest challenges self-bondage people face is just staying in the bondage. One of the fun things about restraint with another person is that the other person takes lead - and you never really "know" when they're going to let you out of the bondage that they've put you into. Self-bondage can really lack the "surprise" aspect.
Which, as I mentioned in "safety", is best for self-bondage. You should really be timing the end of your bondage to be when your body is ready to be done - not at some unexpected, arbitrary time – since no one is there to “rescue” you when it's all over.
That being said, if you have the self-control to tap out early if necessary, adding in some of these "forced bondage" ideas can add another layer of arousing play to your solo-bondage session.
Cell Phone Timer
You already have your cell phone next to you in case of emergency - why not use that same cell phone as an alarm? Set the alarm, flip the phone over so you can't see it, and you can use it as the "end point" for your scene. You might be able to find cell phone apps that will randomize an alarm time within set parameters – to ensure you don't actually “know” what the time is.
Exactly how it sounds, some kink companies have started crafting locks with built-in timers. Since most of these timers have no "out" in case of emergency (and you certainly aren't going to be able to get to the bolt cutters in your state!), I don't recommend these unless you've built a back-up emergency removal plan into your play.
Self-bondage has been popular for years upon years now. That means a few entrepreneurial companies have come up with ice locks. These ice locks have an internal chamber you fill with water - which freezes the two sides of the cylindrical ice lock together. When the ice fully melts, the ice lock will pull apart for release.
I do not recommend an ice lock unless you have a back-up method for releasing yourself nearby. You could lock your cuffs to one side of the ice lock with a lock whose keys are nearby in case of emergency. This way, you can unbind yourself in an emergency - but no-emergency-happening, your cuffs are bound to the ice lock to wait for it to unfreeze.
"Key in the Ice Cube"
A "cheap" version of a dedicated ice lock, freeze one of your keys to your locks in an ice cube ahead of playtime. When it's playtime, leave the ice cube right next to you - within arm's reach. When the ice cube melts, bondage-time is over. Ensure you keep an unfrozen key next to you in case of emergency release before the iced-over key is unthawed.
Have Someone Call You
If you really want something more unpredictable, you can set up with a friend to call you during a certain time. You can be as upfront or as discreet about your reason "why" as you'd like, but you can easily ask a friend to call you "between 4 or 4:30" - and only unlock yourself when they give you that call. (I'm now imagining using this same logic for those "callback" customer service phone lines, and it seems like being on-hold with customer service could be way more fun now).
Add To-Do Tasks
Instead of worrying about an exact time, an easy way to figure out when you're "allowed" to escape bondage is just through adding tasks. Maybe you want to clean something within your house. Maybe you want to finish an erotic hypnosis soundtrack. Maybe you want to practice sucking a dildo long enough until you deep throat it. Most commonly, maybe you want to masturbate to orgasm.
Whatever it is, you can add a task to do instead of worrying about a specific time.
Ready for Self-Bondage?
Are you ready for self-bondage? It can be a fun way to explore your kinky proclivities - but no matter what you do, safety needs to be the #1 priority here - even over the full enjoyment of your scene. That doesn't mean there isn't fun to be had, though! There's a whole world of self-bondage to explore; if you get creative, you can have even more fun than partnered bondage scenarios.
Mistress Kay lives in the world of sexuality and kink. With a house that's quickly running out of space for things that aren't sex books and sex toys, she spends what free time she has writing femdom help articles (http://kinky-world.net/category/bdsm-advice/femdom-advice/), trying the latest and greatest in sex toys, and exploring the sexual universe with her partners. She can be reached at Kinky World (http://kinky-world.net/).