Dominus Blakesley(dom male){Amaris Anc}
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5 years ago •
Dec 18, 2018
Re: BelladonaLove
To answer one of your questions, Dominants can definitely feel insecure, and I happen to agree with Fudbar's "fuck the world, I'm me" comment and everything following that. As a Dominant, myself, while I would not say that I am *immune* to insecurity, my personal method of getting over them is to simply put them to the side.. And this may not apply directly for everyone else, or you, but the reason in doing that is I feel that it helps show my submissive that there are no such thing as insecurities between the two of us--whatever they may be would always be overlooked, if it all acknowledged.
As a core of any general, positive relationship, always seeing others for who they are, not their flaws or the like, is quite arguably the most important thing. It shows that the love is not superficial and it runs deeper. Any insecurities either party may have are not even a bother for their others. Delving into my lover's past (with her consent, of course), her ex was/is.... short sighted, and very, *very* superficial. Not only that, but he was a newbie Dom and the way he handled things as well as the lack of proper communication with her (he essentially had a superiority complex, he is never in the wrong) led her to develop many, many insecurities. Some, she has gotten over completely in present day, but others would trigger her anxiety and self doubt still. She sometimes still believes herself to be anorexic (hearing it, even as a joke, from others would send her into a spiral), she flinches when a hand is raised, she is not used to having her own opinion or input because her ex never made her feel like she even had a voice to begin with, and all that is the tip of the iceberg. To this day, she is still insecure about a great many things. And I still have to reassure her and tread carefully when it comes to them. I remind her that I love her, her insecurities are not endangering anything we have, neither do I even see them (the physical aspects, like her fear of anorexia or her breasts being too small) to begin with... What I see is the love of my life, and she is perfect for me. If others do not see that, well, their loss. The ex? Now, seeing her happy and confident, all of a sudden, he wants her back when he never cared to try and keep their former relationship afloat until it was literally on the line... only for him to take one step forward, then ten steps back. All the abuse and degradation have left their marks, and it is up to me *and* my lover to address those marks with care and healing. Miss BelladonnaLove, I truly believe that you simply express yourself as you are and voice your fears to your lover. It would bring clarity to both sides, and you may even be able to help him with his own insecurities. A good rule of thumb is to be truthful without fear of reprimand, because it is better to be truthful than to lie or to withhold trust to your significant others in the long run. If you love them, and they, you, why be afraid of what they may think? They will not love you any less, they will only be glad that you feel comfortable enough to trust them with that information. Pull him to the side, sit down, and talk. Or even write it down on a note and pass it off to him if you do not feel confidant enough to do so directly. But in the end, you will feel better for it and maybe, after hearing their support and loving words in return, telling you that you are not ugly, or fat, etcetera, you may see yourself that many of your fears and self doubts are just that. Fears and self doubts, not fact. I wish you luck with whichever route you may take to handle this, but you have all of our support here on The Cage at the least. No more tears, no more fears, hold my hand and give me a cheer. |
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