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I really need advice. Should I punish or breakup with my sub?

NaivelyOptimistic​(sub female)
5 years ago • Dec 10, 2018
MasterBear wrote:
The second question is --
What was the Domme thinking in asking a friend to bait the submissive?

Where there already questions in the Dommes mind?


Yep, this struck me as well.

If they just established D/s dynamics and never discussed any protocols for contacting other Dom/mes, for him to only exchange five messages with a Domme who approached him, and have the guilt and presence of mind to run away and delete his profile as soon as she asked if he had a Mistress seems like pretty decent loyalty to me.

I'm far more put off by the initial ruse. Does he know that it was a set-up at this point? Would you be tempted to try something similar in the future?
Bossybitch
5 years ago • Dec 10, 2018
Bossybitch • Dec 10, 2018
It was not a setup on my part. It was my friend who decided to message him and then sent me screen shots, I honestly hadn't thought of dking it to him. Because I definitely did think he was telling me the truth. I confronted him and told him what had happened. And I was upset with him. We did just today talk about what we were establishing. I didn't really expect he would've responded to anyone and so it shocked me and at the time of this post I was really hurt and felt like I had been betrayed. But I did take the first comment to heart and then the next ones afterwards. I didn't punish him and I wasn't mean to him. We talked and I told him that I didn't think of it that way, that he did stop communication when she asked. I told him the truth, because I don't feel any need to lie to him. So I told him I asked for advice and the feedback I received and that I agreed with the comment. And we both made it clear what we wanted and expected.
oldman
5 years ago • Jan 4, 2019
oldman • Jan 4, 2019
I think this is up to you, but if I had a madam, I would never betray her in any way
Onlinedomguy​(dom male)
5 years ago • Jan 5, 2019
Onlinedomguy​(dom male) • Jan 5, 2019
If it were me, i would use this as an opportunity to discuss your expectations for him as your sub. Your summary leaves questions in my mind. Did you have a mutual understanding about contact with others? Did your friend reach out to him and did he respond at anytime he was committed to you? What was the content of the discussion.

I receive messages and emails from submissive woman often and i always make it clear early i am not available as a Dom right now. I still may chat and am happy to discuss life, kink, D/s, etc, but i always make it clear i am not available.

Based on what you described in your post, i would talk and use this as a teaching moment for him. But i would also go slow until he proved to you by his actions, not words, he is trustworthy.

I started off as a sub and if i had been the sub who behaved this way, and felt bad, i would be doing all i could to show my Dom i know i handled it wrong and would not do so again.