What made you switch?

What made you switch?

Desmenos • Jan 14, 2017

I was wondering, what makes people switch from being a dominate to submissive, and vice versa?.. What reason(s) did that have when they made they choice?
nothing wrong with it, but I am curious if, for example, people say they are a dom, but are reality a sub?.. or like being a sub, but have taken on dom roles?..
What made you switch, and do you continue switching like I do?...

NatalieAdam • Jan 14, 2017

Me and my partner Natalie just find that our moods change. Sometimes it's because one of us is tired from work and don't feel like being dominant. Other times for example Natalie forgot to pay a bill. Rather than argue about it I tied her up and spanked her. It's a lot more fun than arguing!!!

natalie certainly has me sub about 80%\20% I'd say and really I kinda like it that way. But at the same time I know sometimes she just wants me to be manly and overpowering and well I'm sure u can work the rest out lol

DinoFox​(switch female) • Jun 21, 2017

It all depends on the other person for me. My pperson is dominant, so I am not.

MagikStyx​(dom male) • Oct 26, 2017

If you read my profile , you will see what has anxious surprised myself on the possibly of having submissive tendencies not yet explored...Switching with the right person is a Must as the person with the submissive tendencies is putting their Trust in them

Byrdie​(switch female){rl only} • May 20, 2018

I started out in the scene as "a switch with bottom rising", met dominants who wanted submissives and got caught up in the allure of being a treasured collared sub, ended up in a couple of abusive relationships, hit bottom, went into therapy, realized that I'd been raised by an alcoholic father and enabler mother into being a codependent, and also realized that any significant change in my intimate relationships had been initiated by me: that I ran them, but rarely got credit for doing so. I felt no inner satisfaction from submitting to others, have no "slave" heart", and was mainly looking for acceptance through doing favors.

When I started investigating the dominant side of The Force, the general reaction from my friends in the kink community was somewhere between, "Well, duh", "Ya think?!?" and "It's about damn time." Now I consider myself "a hedonist with domme rising": I want what I want when and how I want it.

I don't think that submission is just a dumping ground for people with issues: I believe that there are very healthy people who feel an inner peace when submitting, or who have "slave heart". I, however, am not one of them. I learned a lot during my time as a submissive and it informs how I play from the other side of the slash now.

WhiteRoses​(sub female) • Jun 1, 2018

For me, two things made me switch. I am a natural submissive. I have known this for a long time. However, I met someone in a chat site, we talked for six hours straight one Sunday and every day after. We fell hard and fast. He wants a dom. I want to give him what he wants.

The second thing was I was told I couldn't possibly dom. The stubborn in me picked up the challenge and said watch me. If I am told I can't do something I will move heaven and earth to do it.

I find I enjoy being a mistress as it gives me the spoiling I desire.

So far all my relationships have been online only. We will see where things go from here. Right now it is what I want and I am happy. I will progress to in person when I am ready. I am not ready yet. I think there was something to be said for having a year of deep mourning back in the day.

i am yours • Sep 20, 2021

cynthiajoy • Sep 20, 2021

It's been a crazy ride since 2000 when i was introduced to the bdsm world. i started as a bottom playing with men, but that didn't last long. When with the encouragement of some lady friends i started topping both men and women. Then started only topping women. After that through some love affairs i started serving other women. That is where i am now. Although i believe that i can be dominant with the right person if needed. At this time i am much happier being the submissive. i guess the bottom line is that if someone would make a commitment with me in a relationship i could be on either side. There is joy is either side of this coin.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Sep 20, 2021

my story is detailed in different pieces in The Cage, but a quick summary is: grew up i a religious culture that did not accept that there is such a thing as 'gay' (they equated it to a disease at best), so i spent a much of my early life trying not to be gay.

As a result, i married (a woman) and lived the role of top in our marriage. i didn't realize till after i came to a place of self acceptance and divorced just how big a part the top/bottom dynamic played in our relationship. In retrospect i understand that my wife and i were both bottoms and each have a fair amount of sub as well. i have context now, but what i was doing was trying to live the assumed traditional hetero male role. i could function on some level, physically but not psychologically. i did not realize what was happening at the time, but i used to try and explain in some fashion my need/desire to be topped, even by her. Not just physically speaking, but in the whole sense of the word. Given the traditional foundations of our cultural conditioning, she just though me crazy or twisted. The notion of her toping had no frame of reference. But it wasn't just the cultural conditioning, i realized after we divorced and i had room to learn and experience. She was also more of a bottom/sub by nature, not just conditioning.

i don't know if in a gay context it might be possible for me to be top, but i don't think so. i can trace my bottom/sub side with guys back to age 7 and while i might be able to 'role play' as a top, the idea is almost sickening for me because i forced myself to do it so many years. Once i stopped topping after divorce, i have not gone back or felt the need or inclination to.

Miki​(masochist female) • Sep 20, 2021

I am neither sub nor dominant except as a maso-girl in bed, and never felt the need to switch to the role of a sadist.

But if I had to venture a guess I'd say that just about everyone has the capacity to "switch up" thr roles every now and then. Some feel that more strongly than others, while said "others" may simply confine that desire to just a passing thought or briefly fan tasize about what "it" might be like to swap out the roles in a "mental movie" of sorts.

In any case there's nothing odd or unusual about switching roles and those so inclined shouldn't feel as if they're weird or anything.