Real Time and Online : What's your prefence and why?

Real Time and Online : What's your prefence and why?

MstressWhipplash​(dom female) • Feb 25, 2019

So many from different countries approach when they won't be ever meeting.

The other approach is to go to as many local Munches as possible to make friends and socialise.

The third approach is to get to kink stuff when available due to work and life commitments, while keeping up to date with kinkster friends by chatting online.

How do you balance kink and what options do you prefer from above, or some other option?

Mistress Whipplash Ma'am

DrWakko • Feb 25, 2019

When it comes to relationships I will always say its real life or nothing. This doesn't mean you can't meet someone from the net, but make real life happen.

When it comes to educating yourself I think going to munches to open doors to play parties and education events is the way to go. I think the internet is a good source of information, but anyone can put out information so what you are getting might not be the best info out there.

Also there are BDSM / Leather cons all over the US with vetted instructors who lead classes on various topics.

JohnBond​(dom male){Kitten} • Feb 25, 2019

I very much agree with DrWakko here.

Online is nice, and works for some people. It can be a great way to meet and get to know people before meeting them, but for me I need there to be a real life too. I think it depends on what you’re looking for though. Some people just need the release of talking to someone about their desires or kinks, but I want the whole thing.

Online and munches or classes are a great way to meet people that you don’t have to tiptoe around your interests with. Most cities seem to have a kink community that runs classes of some type and so far everyone I have met is very welcoming, friendly, and open. I would highly recommend trying to find a community to tie into, I think it helps a lot.

I personally think that it’s important to keep your mind open and know yourself. It is possible to meet someone online and take that to real life. More often than not however that involves some form of long distance which is a whole other thing in itself. If you’re not looking for online, and long distance isn’t an option, then you’ve narrowed it down fairly well I think to finding a good group to meet with!

So my direct answer to the question of balance is: I mix all of them, and that has worked very well for me.

-JB

MasterBear​(other butch) • Feb 25, 2019

Irt.

I dont understand online.

I am pushing myself to respect that its the emotions that make BDSM what it is. And for many, online is just as emotional as irt.


But, for me personally--- I need to emotionally feel the person in front of me.


Touch is part of my sexual center.

Devil's damsel​(sub female){HandsomeDe} • Feb 25, 2019

I’ve done strictly online and it’s excruciating. It never had the opportunity to become an LDR, and even if it had, there’s no way we could have met up regularly.

The difficulty with online is the feelings and emotions and even love you feel is sometimes so strong your heart physically aches for that person. I personally NEED that touch, the physical aspect. I’m not even talking sexual. I’m talking a hug, a kiss, a snuggle....you don’t get those things in an online relationship. And it can break your heart.

I refuse to get involved in an online only situation ever again. I know from experience that I need real life or nothing.

AKittenforSir​(sub female){JohnBond} • Feb 25, 2019

I also don’t understand online only D/s relationships. Friendships I can fully comprehend, but online submission is something I just can’t grasp. I’ve seen others have this dynamic and find it gratifying but I require Sir’s physical presence to keep me grounded.

For my personality type, meeting online with the potential for turning a spark into a RL relationship is ideal. I’m not brave enough to show up to an event where I don’t know anyone in hopes of turning strangers into friends or play partners. So meeting online with the feeling of security of hiding behind a screen while you learn eachother’s personalities and interests and desires (both in BDSM/kink and mundane) is what’s comfortable for me. That’s just what builds a connection and trust over time. However, if I want to turn that connection into a D/s relationship, it requires physical chemistry as well. I need to be able to feel the person’s presence, look in their eyes, hear the sound of their voice, and ultimately feel their hands on my body.

I think it depends what you’re looking for out of the dynamic. If you only require things such as guidance, tasks, fantasy, and communication to be fulfilled then online is a-ok for you. But for needy kittens like me; I require pain and pleasure and body heat and tension and the melody of a soothing and yet stern voice coming from above.

CrimsonPaw • Feb 25, 2019

I've always preferred IRL. Since being on this site I've been exploring with online only and I'm struggling with it. Maybe it'll get easier the more I explore and learn. Maybe not. Time will tell.

Tnjoker​(dom male){My Harley} • Feb 25, 2019

Wow....that's all I'm going to say

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Feb 25, 2019

The more specific your needs and wants, the wider you’re going to have to cast your net to have a chance of meeting someone even close to fitting the bill. I was willing to meet someone online, but I was clear that if they didn’t want face to face, it wasn’t going to happen.

I met my master on another site. We talked for a few months and decided to meet. Yes, he did make an eight hour drive to have coffee. Today, we live together.

I couldn’t do online only. I am not poly and wouldn’t be happy without a partner in my life. Just taking orders or having that emotional connection without physical contact isn’t enough for me. It leaves me feeling empty.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Feb 25, 2019

Online works for some, and doesn't for others. I personally prefer 'physical world' used to talk about non online, as I think IRL or IRT is personally insulting as time spent with someone whether online or physical world is still 'real', to say it isn't is insulting to those dynamics and the people involved.