Sad, scared but aware

Sad, scared but aware

nordicfireandice • Mar 5, 2019

I love my SO. However, discussing my exploration.....I just don't know if we will make it in this lifestyle. I am sad. However every man /woman I have been with say that I have the upper hand and have never really given my whole self. This is not fair to either of us. It is a lot to process. Advice (crying now) appreciated.

MisterHush​(dom male) • Mar 5, 2019

Well, it sounds like you need to do some soul searching. Forget the labels and the "supposed to be". What do YOU want out of a relationship? Why do you think you're a sub? Why do you like being tied? What draws you to the life?

If the answer is something shallow like: "It's just how I party", then maybe youre not as into the life as you think and trying to be is causing some friction.
On the other hand if the answer is: "Because that's who I am", then you should explore why you feel the need to maintain control. It might be that you havent found someone whom you can trust or maybe that you're not ready to trust that much at this stage.

You wont get your answer overnight. Just think on it, relax and destress, then think some more. Dont be afraid of finding faults in yourself. If you dont know you have a splinter, how can you remove it?

And once you've defined you hows and whys, dont just immediately jump into a relationship or old habits within a relationship. Braking a habit requires diligence and enough maturity to be self aware. Falling on old habits might just see you repeating the same cycle over and over.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Mar 5, 2019

Oh honey.

I'm so sorry.

Allow yourself to cry, scream, laugh weird.

Give yourself room, space, and time.

No one can say you didnt give your all except you. And if you didn't- maybe you couldn't. Maybe you shouldn't.
Maybe you feel like you did and have nothing left.


Whatever decisions are to be made they will be.

But they dont have to be made right now.

I have been there. My love has been there.
Anyone who has loved has been there.

Hugz and support

I was over the party

nordicfireandice • Mar 6, 2019

a long time ago. To assume that about me tells frankly makes me feel judged. Perhaps read the information and other posts before responding. Are you here only for yourself? That is for the guy making the party post.

To the other poster, who thinks before he drivels, thank you.

First poster. Your an asshat.

I am fucking offended.

And another thing....

nordicfireandice • Mar 6, 2019

You miss the point. If I wanted to party babe.....I could do it in a much less thoughtful and probing way. Fuck you. I am not this aggressive but to say just want to party makes me want to beat the living common sense into your stupid ass. I am talking a 10 year relationship. Fucker.

MisterHush​(dom male) • Mar 6, 2019

You asked for advice. I gave you a good place to start asking yourself some questions and really explore what's going on. Sort of get to know yourself again.

I think I can see the problem. If you wanted a pity party you should have just said so. I wasnt judging you, I was giving general examples.

Since you seem to have it all figured out already, I could guess why you bothered to post. You're on your own. But I guess you're getting used to that...

MasterBear​(other butch) • Mar 6, 2019

Hold on here wild ponies.

As responders to a post we only know what we read and interpret.


I find that it takes a lot of courage to be emotionally raw. Even in internet space.

That being said.

I don't drivel.
I attempt to support.

I can remove that if you prefer.

I also re read the initial response to your post and I found the questions, although difficult perhaps appropriate for self evaluation.

nordicfireandice • Mar 7, 2019

As said I am not here to party. Working with my SO to try to explain why something so counterintuitive to his nature will help me. If you read my blog, profile......I am Catholic. Not faith to the institution, but to experiences I have had that many wouldn't understand. Deeply FAITHFUL. Conflicted by a lifetime of sexual exploitation. Before you Dominant Macho Know it all dicks (I know a narcissist and an player a mile away and will call your ass on it) respond with questions, had you not responded for your own needs, but taken the time to see me, exposed honestly in my profile.,,,you would not have shown yourselves to unworthy of my submission. Suck that. I was a Dom in a well respected dungeon. Your sophomoric replies are no more than rubbing yourselves off to feel yourself worthy to dominate. I will find another site. Eat me. \

HuntertheYeenQueen​(dom femme){Allie Kat} • Mar 7, 2019

I'm a Catholic, too... religion has little to do with this.

No one here was trying to Dominate you in this thread... not sure where that comment came from.

I went through a similar situation but being on the other side (where your partner is) and my husband was in your shoes.

He gave me the book, "Leading and Supportive Love" and everything made sense. It explains these relationships well.

Maybe that can help you.

Having been in similar situations, I would like to offer more help... but I'm hesitant as you were offered help in previous replies, but for some reason, you viewed that help as an attack. If you relax, breathe, and re-read the posts, I'm sure you'll see that nothing said was offensive or an attack, until perhaps you responded.

You posted looking for advice... if you dont think someone's advice works, kindly explain more of what you're looking for. Sometimes you might think you gave enough info, but you leave out key points that others wont get because we're not mind readers.

Being hostile to everyone who tries to help is only going to ensure you get no further advice. As I said, my relationship went through this and had a result I'm sure you would be in favor of - my love's partner (me) ended up discovering herself and became his Domme. You want your partner to at least understand, if nothing else, right? That's all Wolfy wanted. I would be willing to talk with you and go through the steps we took, but I need to know my advice will actually be listened to.

gnburk2k • Mar 7, 2019

your SO is more important then the lifestyle keep what works discard the rest
maybe some vanilla while you discuss what you want and what your partner wants
sometimes talking to someone in general terms works other times it's counterproductive
you're the only one who can gauge if some frank adult discussion will be effective (or even possible) but it's best too approach this with some simple rules about not losing tempers or flinging recriminations

i do wish you luck darlin
God bless and best regards
G