Trust

How do you think trust is developed between a dom and sub?

I think it comes in stages and it's different or everybody.


For me -- I knew I could trust my love from the first conversation we ever had.

How she handled herself, how she handled those around her. My love shut down drama right away but did not show off.


From there it was how we talked. My love is emotionally honest. This means that she doesnt make shit up to manipulate or get attention.

That was huge thing for me.



The trust that developed from sex came as I was responsive to what her body needed and NOT what my ego did.

Another milestone was our initial fights. How we fought was a huge trust test.

At that point the basis for trust in play was already strong.

We were emotionally, mentally, and psychologically comparable.
The rest was just time and reinforcement.

I think it's different in each situation. The commonality is communication and time.

I always think you should take your time getting to know someone. Talk about what is important to you and your needs. Ask the same fron him/her. Listen to you instincts and intuition.

Make sure words and deeds are in alignment. Make the other person work to have you.

If you have concerns, let them know and see how they respond.

Trust takes sometime. Each small step builds on it. Have fun as you go. Share what feels right. Don't be pushed into anything you arent ready for.

They prove that you can... over and over again. Words match actions. You’re taken care of and know that you’re treasured.

Time. Openness of heart. Letting the other person in.

I agree that building trust with a D or s type simply takes time. Like Aria said, words are meaningless without the accompanying actions to prove it. But, I think sometimes you also need to take a leap of faith and give them a chance to show you that you can trust them through these actions. In the beginning I think you have to trust your own gut more. Do your homework and take things slowly. If it feels wrong at any stage - then it probably is.

I’m a huge fan of the quote:

"Trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair"

What this means to me, is that trust grows more over time spent together, but can be destroyed quickly by one action alone. Once trust is gone your relationship is pretty much doomed because you will always be miserable and doubtful of them. Of course, these are just my opinions though. Hope you find what you’re looking for!

Hi @ Barbie Girl

“How do you think trust is developed between a dom and sub?”

I believe trust is developed by coming up against “bumps in the road.” Each time you’re confronted with a bump, you come to know each other that little bit better... and if you make it past it, you learn to trust each other that little bit more.

I believe it's all about communication.

I wish you luck in your future endeavors.

I used to think that I could make it easy on a prospective partner by providing her with a complete list of character-traits (good and bad, depending upon the individuals taste) accompanied by a complete list of habits & routines and covenant promises. That way, if I had at some point failed any of those things on the written list, she would know that I was un-trustworthy, at least with regard to that particular failing.
It would have been nice if I could have had a similar list from her, but she did not know herself well enough to do so. Frankly, many people don't know themselves very well, so I simply stuck to the rulebook. Here's the house rules and the relationship rules. You break any of these and there is a punishment. That should work fine.
After fifteen months, I had failed in none of my duties nor deviated from expectations she should have had based upon my extensive lists. But she ended up bailing out upon the grounds which she had previously accepted in the beginning. Trust should not be a one-way street.

There are many factors that go into it but primarily trust is built from consistency. If you say you’re going to do something, do it. If you offer something, give it. If you say you need something, don’t ever compromise on it. Matching your words to your actions, time and time again, that is how trust is built.