Communication

Communication

Amaris Ancilla​(sub female) • Mar 15, 2019

Hallo all!

I'm sure we all know how important that communication is...but I think we can all agree that sometimes it can be really difficult. Now this is going to be very broad since I'm referring to communication as a whole, not just kink related.

I have an extremely hard time communicating...and I'm not completely sure why. I trust and love Domi with all my heart, so it's not that I don't want to talk to him or anything like that. I just can't...I tend to default to noises and that doesn't help anyone, especially when it comes to a serious topic.

Lately, I've started journaling to help myself communicate and it's worked WONDERS. It's also an extremely big step for me who usually avoided communication (especially on serious topics) in general.

So, what I am asking is, what are your methods to communicating, especially on a difficult topic?


(I am so sorry if that is all over the place and confusing. Like I said, I suck at communicating XD)

AKittenforSir​(sub female){JohnBond} • Mar 15, 2019

My Sir and I exchange letters (usually via email) daily. This is more often than not where I discuss important topics. It gives me the opportunity to find the right words to express myself and it gives him time to ruminate on the topic before responding. I highly suggest it.

I’ve alao started journaling. This was not a request of his, but I have offered (and he greatfully accepted) to email my journal entries to him. This allows me to ramble my thoughts and feelings without having to worry about D/s protocol and in turn allows him insight into where my headspace is at the moment. I’ve enjoyed it thus far.

Moonstruck • Mar 15, 2019

I don't think you're alone in this. I struggle here as well. The further down one goes, the less I'm inclined to speak. For me, I think it has to do with vulnerability. That's why it's easier to write. I can say something to the paper and it's as though I'm talking to myself, even if I know someone is going to read it later. The paper acts as an intermediary, something like your best friend in middle school who told your crush that you liked him and asked if he felt the same. When I'm being open, exposed, and vulnerable, I need something that allows me some distance while I'm "confessing," and affords "protection" while it's being read.

Sybil • Mar 15, 2019

Communication is always something I have struggled with in past relationships. I tend to avoid topics and/or shut down. I have also found it easier to communicate through writing because I’m able to articulate better that way. Entering into this BDSM lifestyle have definitely help with face to face communication and not avoiding serious topics but I still find writing is is my best form of communicating.

You’re definitely not alone

Wickedmisery​(dom male) • Mar 15, 2019

I agree with writing your thoughts down. Perhaps you could keep 2 journals. A "Public" and a "Private" one. One where you write your thoughts and concerns and share them with him and one where you keep them to yourself. Just make sure you keep them separate. Just be careful with the private one, I know some people that get rather angry if they think their partner is keeping secrets and has them wrote down somewhere.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Mar 15, 2019

If something is happening in my love and I have a very difficult time actively hearing each other, then we will text.


This helps take the emotion to a more manageable level and it helps everybody be heard.


My love and I have been through the last 17 years together and still we have a difficulty from time to time.

It has nothing to do with how much I love her. Is nothing to do with how much I trust her. It has nothing to do with her previous history of listening because she's always been open.


What more has to do with, I think, is old voices in my head. Those ghosts that haunt you from childhood.

Amaris Ancilla​(sub female) • Mar 15, 2019

That sounds like a really good idea, but not the best for me. I feel like if I start to think about what to put in which journal, I may subconsciously start to censor myself. When I just word vomit onto the page, I think everything gets out as true as it can be. I don't think about what I'm writing...I just write.

Amaris Ancilla​(sub female) • Mar 15, 2019

I can see the past having an influence on me. I was used to not being allowed a voice in my past, so now I'm not completely sure how to use it sometimes.

Pumpkin29​(sub female){MrWhite} • Mar 15, 2019

I struggle with this a lot.
My Sir often jokingly asks if I want to text him a reply instead of having to use "real words" when we're talking about more serious stuff.

He requires me to journal daily, and like you, that's where I do my best communicating.

We have a shared Google document for it. He reads it daily and can ask questions or discuss with me, but nothing I write there is held against me. It's a "safe space" for me to vent, express fears or concerns or just babble. Over time that's helped me become more comfortable about sharing.

PrincessEli​(sub female) • Mar 16, 2019

I used to text one of my exes at 3am cause I knew he wouldn't reply for a few hours, and it helped me calmed my nerves knowing I had time to think of the exact words I wanted to use and didn't have someone waiting for my text.

Being able to communicate it's great, but when you're like me and talk more than you should, then it turns into a problem.