Clarification

Clarification

MasterBrads painpet​(sub female){OWNED} • Apr 11, 2019

After leaving the cage and now not having a master I was afraid to come home. (TheCage I've felt like home since January). So last Tuesday I reopened my fetlife profile and updated the information.

Not an hour later I received a message from a sub. She basically lived on the west coast but had to go back home to Asia. Here is the weird part. She says she is looking for a replacement for her sir. She gives me information about him but not much. I continue to talk to her. As the days go by I finally get to talk to him. What is weird is hardly any contact again, write reflections three times a day, has opened up free masturbating at least and a must of 3 orgasms and must reflect, and role-playing writings. I might get 3 or 4 lines commenting. The other sub I find out recently hasn't been released but has been said she left in November. Been his sub since 2014. Also he loves role-playing but most communication is through her is seems. It was told to me he is monogumus but why does it feel more poly and she is alpha. She said once I'm trained if take it she is released. He has a 90 day trail period.

Since the senerios is long I'm sorry. I want you to be able to understand what is going on. What am I missing? My gut really isn't speaking maybe to soon after the other Dom decided to disconnect but it had been a month. Maybe because I didn't disconnect from the old Dom completely.

Remember still new and no real guidance per say. So please be gentle with your comments. But I do need help and direction.

Thank you all.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Apr 12, 2019

I'm short on time so how ever I phase this its going to sound harsh but this isn't my intent. Personally I'd love nothing more than to be wrong! I much prefer happy endings.

Reading your post a few warning lights went off for me.
It seems he has no time for on the spot interaction. To me it screams what are you hiding? Is he married? not what he pretends to be in some shape or form? of course there loads of reason he could be lacking on the spot interaction such as he might be testing you ( a lot of sub flake on assignments and only want the happy parts) He might have English as a second language! premade texts are good for this. I'm sure there is more others will add. It might be as simple as just telling him, you need more one on one interaction and if he cant provide that, you might not be a good match. If your craving it NOW after a short time, a longer time wont fix the issue. If your scared to ask him in case you loose him...walk away now, he isnt the Dom for you. Your Dom should build you up and provide what you need.

my main flashing light:
Are you sure the Dom is even REAL and the female sub isn't playing the role of the Dom too ..to get off on it! Premade texts are often a tell tail sign. I'd also question if all is "scripted" how "dom" is this person going to be on the spot? there are loads of places you can rip off written scripts.

What you describe happens a lot in Femdom situations. I'm not sure how predominant it is Maledom? In short within Femdom, a lot of gay males have discovered sub males are an easy target for cyber action. I always tell submales if you want to be sure ask to cam (face to face, not just voice) and get it done as soon as possible (look for clues if you get excuses, most people can face to face if they really serious). Second do NOT send any photos/video/details you might regret later until you are sure.

Take care. Sorry for the rushed post. I'm sure many others will come along and help you VERY soon.

MasterBrads painpet​(sub female){OWNED} • Apr 12, 2019

@MissBonnie... Thank you so much for your help. I had tried to walk away earlier in the week and there were no comments except I was spinning my wheels and letting my insecurities get the best of me. Also when he asked what can he do for me he had no encouragement for me. Just get up and do it.

But I went into the places we communicated through and said I could not do this. Your words are not harsh but only truth. It also is a good teaching me what I need to know, truth. I have not had alot of guidance so through the forum I ask here.

Again thank you for answering again. Have a great evening.

Bunnie • Apr 12, 2019

Hi @ ShadowMinx,

A few things that came to mind for me as I read your post...

*you don’t need to answer these... I’m just pointing out some thoughts.

Why is she looking for a sub for him, instead of him looking himself?

Why are you already doing “tasks?”

What dynamic are you yourself looking for? Eg. How does it sit with you if it turns out that he’s not monogamous... or is only seeking online?

Is she coming back when she can? And what happens then?

The biggest thing that stands out for me, however, is the fact that you’re questioning it. Something obviously isn’t sitting right for you with the whole situation. Trust yourself and your gut. If it doesn’t feel right for you, it probably isn’t.

MasterBrads painpet​(sub female){OWNED} • Apr 12, 2019

@Miss Bonnie thank you. Well I did end it and of course things flew as it's my fault I was suppose to be committed and if I didn't follow his rules he'd be nasty. He was. The name he called me was one I used to hear all the time by bullies. Also calling me a defeatist. But it's okay and how I appreciate your input helps me. I'll move on use this another learning lesson.

How are you a defeatist when you know something inside of you is sending up flags.

So again I see why subs need protection and guidance.

Wiseonthree​(dom male) • Apr 12, 2019

I'll try to put my two cents in. Also, If you want a more experienced input I can send it off to my mentor as well.

Most of my outlet before finally joining the community was through RP. The big thing about Roleplay is two-fold: It's not long term, and its in the moment.

I'm guessing If I were you, and just because ...it seems you have a lot of questions. ASK THEM. Ask them ask them ask them, If this relationship is to work out for you, you gotta know all the facts. Else you won't be able to figure out if the Dom is right for you.

Even before setting up a dynamic, I talk my prospects ears off: Telling them what I want, what the rules are, what the expectations are, and what it means about 'us now' cause that will be waaay different in the future. And I expect them to have input too, cause it's a double edged sword.

I'd be cautious, and I'd try to avoid the Telephone game at all costs. Things often times get lost in translation. And, text is a very strange form of communication.

It's better to be safe, than sorry, and If the Dom isn't being honest with you about his relationship situation up front (or you think that it's being covered up...) that should be a hard pass for you.

MasterBrads painpet​(sub female){OWNED} • Apr 12, 2019

@Wiseinthree....it was duck's weird situation and as each day went by it appeared stranger. I was talking through the outgoing sub more. There were no give or take if you basically didn't go by his rules he had the right to be nasty. When she talked to me at first I didn't know he did a 90 day trail period and he'd make his decision. What I felt was when we talked it was strictly role-playing. But mostly I just thought it was strange how communication went through her. I had just gotten out of a situation which the master wasn't talking to me nor giving me guidance. I didn't feel like a sub. But the situation was to this old sub had not been released and said she wouldn't until I was trained. Yet I asked questions and they were ignored. How can you be training with no set communication or you just have sub write reflections.

What has me upset they had no consideration for my honesty nor my feelings. Then told me I deserved him calling me defeatist and a fugly bitch. Lord knows I'm not a Barbie doll nor a runway model. Most Doms don't want plus size women. I was callef that by bullies at school. But I do this I wasn't comfortable and was not going to subject my self to that. Rules or no rules.

I know I'm a good person and try not to hurt anyone or break rules. But to me there was no respect. I respect everyone especially a Dom. He may not be my Dom but still respectful and say yes sir. I'm a true submissive at heart and a late bloomer. I still deserve respect as a sub and a newbie. I closed or blocked where I was communicating. I'm going to pick up the pieces and move on. Its hard to explain but having a Dom makes me centered. Not so much when there isn't so it leaves on open.

Thanks for your words and helping me it's greatly appreciated. This is one reason I came back to the cage support.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Apr 12, 2019

I'm so glad your happier and safe(r) SjhadoweMinx. You are right, you deserve the right to be happy and feel good within a relationship. You have the right to feel safe and have your needs met too! Your Dom should make you feel cherished and valued as a submissive (if this is what you want)

Bunnie • Apr 12, 2019

@ ShadowMinx, I’m glad to hear you trusted whatever it was your gut was telling you. I’m sorry to hear he reacted this way and got nasty, even to the point of calling you mean names... seems you managed to avoid a potential disaster waiting to happen.

“How are you a defeatist when you know something inside of you is sending up flags.”

I agree completely.

In my experience, those who are genuine, understand and value any concerns that have arisen for me in our journey together... not made themselves unapproachable by belittling me or making me feel unable to communicate my truth.

*hugs*

EvelynNyte​(switch trans woman) • Apr 12, 2019

Unless you like personally know the person, one person looking on behalf of another is a huge red flag to me. Chances are the girl doesn't exist and he figures people will be more receptive to "her" breaking the ice. Having to very strictly manage times of interaction also huge red flag. The guy is likely married.