Question for both submissives and dominants about communication

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KillerAddiction​(switch female) • Apr 25, 2019

If I were searching for a sub or a dom I'd expect them to be polite for starters.
If anyone messaged me demanding photos, calls ect or outright speaking as if they owned me then I'd straight up ignore them.
Come at me with a friendly, polite approach whether you're submissive or dominant and let me get to know the basics about you first before I decide if it would work out.
If It's a sub I'm looking for I'd probably try and ease them into the respectful tone I'd expect, and reverse it for a dom.
Either way; be polite, not a perv!

MsNevermore​(other female) • Apr 26, 2019

For me personally (leaning s type) I approach and recieve new communication on equal ground. I dont know them and they sont know me. Equal.
Beyond a profile (if that) and a self described title I know nothing or been shown nothing that would dictate being given any honorific or added respect beyond common decency.

Once there has been established communication and actions match words so to speak then and if the dynamic progresses to such would I then defer to or add demur to another.

In all seriousness, I wouldnt want someone to refer to me as anything I havent proven myself to be. So in the same, I am not going to give anyone else empty salutations. Know if I am calling someone Sir or Ma'am it's because they have shown they are deserving of those tipped scales and no longer just another equal.

Unwavering effigy​(sub male) • Apr 27, 2019

I always had the sense that this form of interaction was solely based of off psychology. Not physiologically.

The fact that an individual would offer themselves in a way that was not related to your interests means that these individuals did not have the intent. It's not your fault that they are not seeing the picture. Your painting it pretty clearly on your profile.

Hello miss Bonnie and I couldn't agree with you more I am a

KingisoQueen​(dom male) • May 5, 2019

Your absolutley right and agree with you

KingisoQueen​(dom male) • May 5, 2019

I was always the Big Brother type and high school so I have a lot of girls that were my friends I had protected them and kept them safe and I would hear stories of things that guys would say to women and you're absolutely right you have to crawl before you can walk and all starts with an introduction polite gentle kind . Getting to know each other building a repertoire With each other that's what build a strong relationship start off small and went thing start clicking next thing you know you'll be sharing their uttermost fantasies together. What I have found with my girlfriend was a dream come true We tell each other all the time How lucky we are to have found each other. We have a very very active sex life, But our journey to get to that point was just simple banter between 2 people that enjoyed each other's company and learned and fell in love with each other through simple Conversation and truly carrying what the other person had to say I when he got a simple basis like that that works all the sexuality fell right in the place we realize how comfortable you are with each other and we were willing to share whatever and if one person wanted something and the other 1 never heard of it the other 1 was willing to try because they love them respected that person and how experimentin is half the fun and if you don't like it you're so comfortable with each other he just go to the side and try something else. My Tolly agree with you it comes from chivalry plain respect and be enraged right at being comfortable in your own skin to start a conversation with somebody knowing where you're trying to get to but having the know how to refrain from jumping to the end and taking the time to build something with somebody knowing that the end result is just amazing and loving and sexually mind blowing and you know it was worth all the work you put in All the nights waiting go in the right thing being a gentleman her being a lady Chevalrie is not dead a man is only as strong as the As the woman standing next to him Or if it just happens to be a man a it's your prerogative me personally women For me The building that bond together is human nature that's what makes a strong pair couple friendship marriage whatever But once you have set that foundation the sky's the limit on the things you experience and considering this is a BDS M form I will go out say it getting down to the love making the sex the experimenting with multiple different objects toys bondage it's all worth it in the end

notsounsureanymore​(sub female) • May 5, 2019

I would send a message and expect to receive any messages in the same tone that someone would approach me in the street / bar etc.
I would be respectful if approaching a Dom, not because they’re a Dom but because they’re a human being and I wouldn’t normally be rude to someone I hadn’t spoken to before. Some profiles on here say ‘if you make contact, address me as Sir / Master (whichever title they prefer,’) my feelings on that would be not a chance as you aren’t that role to me at the moment.

I think polite, friendly contact is appropriate to start communication.

Question for both submissives and dominants about communicat

1crazygirl​(sub female) • May 7, 2019

The communication that I have generally run across as a sub, and I am stating generally, not all Dominants behave in this fashion. Also my interaction with Dominants that I am stating on has been mainly with online Doms.
Typically within a few lines of texting back and forth maybe 5 lines some make it to 10 lines there is some explicit reference to sex. When I have called the Doms out on bringing up such an explicit sexual text such as ie; Wanting or sending a cock picture, telling me to send or demanding I send a naked picture of myself etc...They tend to get upset and rather demanding. I have read such things as----- I"m the Dom that makes me the boss so listen to what I say....& You must not like sex....& You must not be a sub/bbg etc...This kind of behavior comes from people who I have been polite, respectful and decent with just like I would behave towards them in a face to face situation. I agree with You @Vortexa and You as well @notsounsureanymore that people whether they are Doms or subs should both behave like they would in a face to face situation. What happened to good old courtesy, common decency, and respect towards one another???!!!???

Re: Question for both submissives and dominants about commun

Sir Arthur​(dom male) • Aug 22, 2019

Normal tone. Like I would in a non-sub/dom interaction. A Tinder date or something. It would be respectful, but maybe a little playful; not too formal. Gotta admit it would probably be a little dominant. But I am naturally a dom so because of that I probably would end up being a bratty sub. But in a respectful way.

But if you are a real dom then I don't think you should have any problems by calling me out and demanding boundaries. In fact, if I'm being honest, I probably would intentionally try to challenge my dom's authority a little just to test them, in a respectful way, to see if their are worthy.

I guess you could call it a "shit test" in a way. If I'm looking for a dom female I'm not just gonna run to any female who says she is a dom and drop on my knees, you have to earn my respect just as much I have to earn yours.


Respect is always needed. But I don't mind sub exhibiting controlling/dominant behavior a little bit. I can deal with that and put them in their place. But I guess not every dom is the same - some enjoy dealing with bratty subs who puts up challenges (challenge their authority even, if you will) and some don't want that, they just want somebody eager to say "yes sir" and only look up when spoken to - complete obsequiousness, as you put it. And others are somewhere between those two.

The first example you gave is very rude. The second one is kind of dominant but not a big deal, it's still respectful. Dynamics might be wrong there, but you should be able to take over control of that frame quite easily.

VenSanity​(sub male){I’d love t} • Sep 2, 2019

Vortexa,

Speaking as a submissive if there are clear rules and expectations then you don’t go outside of that no matter what.

For the short time I have been on this site not a lot of domme (doms) have outlined how they should be approached in your first contact with them.

Other then outlining what it is they are looking for there is no suggestion of how they want to be approached.

As a submissive being the first to message it is very awkward to say the least. I don’t want to step out of line but it is hard when you see someone you’d really like to talk to.

As far as the examples you gave with those “subs” acting impatient, I wouldn’t consider that behavior normal. Sounds more like a kink they are into and want to try and that’s it.

I truly hope that you find what you are looking for.

aBridgetome​(sub male){Seeking} • Sep 3, 2019

Mistress Vortexa,
Although, my experience on other sites has left me extremely jaded from scams and bot's. My initial reaction, if contact is initiated by them, is to assume it will be a scam or bot. However, i would have had answered your questions first then requested verification of who you were so just like you said, "does not bode well for what will happen later in the relationship."
It's overwhelming on the amount of scammers at play on other sites, "THE CAGE" is the only site i have found to be free of such pitfalls.
As for the second, i think SchrodingersDinosaur, "Henna" is spot on. i have not gone through formal training and in my vanilla life i am responsible for every decision. So the lines of communication can get difficult to keep ones place.
i would like to respond to comments made.
First, would be to Miss Bonnie, i disagree your profile is a pleasure to read and is detailed with vital information for a submissive to make an informed decision on whether not to contact you.
Thank you
Miss Bonnie.
Second, would be to SchrodingersDinosaur, "Henna", (i hope i am using proper reference) your writings,
"Perhaps it's my Switchedness, but entirely possible it's just that I'm older than dirt!", Evoked a rupture of laughter from me followed by a moment of reverence and reflection your post are full of wisdom for all that read them.
Thank you
Henna