Nudes for dudes?

Nudes for dudes?

Just Jessy​(switch gender queer){Owned} • May 8, 2019

Come on, it's happened. Many of us have been on the asking, being asked, giving, and/or receiving side of things at least once. But the experience is different for everyone, hence this post.

I had a recent interaction with a decent young man who wanted to help train me online to be a better switch. It sounded awesome, and I wanted to do it, but as an initial interaction for training me to be a better sub (slave), he wanted me to send him nude pictures to "get over that hurdle." I know some people have no issues doing this, but for me, this digs in and brings up PTSD from traumatic experiences I've had (I experience flashbacks, nausea, uncontrollable shaking, dread, self-hate, and usually crying).

So now I ask, is it common in online BDSM relationships to show yourself in that way (granted, he was going the degradation rout, but still. An initial request?)? How often does this happen? How far into the relationship does this usually happen? Am I making too big of a deal out of this? I just can't stop thinking about it. Is this normal?

Thanks

MasterDoc​(dom male){You may we} • May 8, 2019

Personally, I ( dom /master) never request any type of nudity from my slave or sub until I feel the time is right. Him saying to "get over that hurdle" really sets me back because the initial think in a situation like this to get is trust. I'd advise you to back out of that asap.

Wiseonthree​(dom male) • May 8, 2019

Hey! Excellent question.

It’s important at the beginning of the dynamic being established there be a general comfort level established. This should be comfortable and fun for both of you guys. Where as I think that asking for nudes so early on is rude, and a mood killer, I think others might think it’s par for the course.

In my time on this earth, and in my time as being dom included, I never asked for nudes during the discussion. I’m in the sort of...mentality that if a girl wants to share her naked body with a guy , she will offer it.

It is important that you as a switch (edit) tell everyone that boundary, and how it feels when it gets crossed. If he didn’t know of this boundary, don’t get mad at him for not being psychic or reading the air, inform him of that hard established boundary that you will not cross at this time.

Be confident that what you have to present on the table is as important as him offering to train you. Without you, there is no trainee.

Just my firm belief on the matter.

Just Jessy​(switch gender queer){Owned} • May 8, 2019

"It is important that you as a switch (edit) tell everyone that boundary, and how it feels when it gets crossed. If he didn’t know of this boundary, don’t get mad at him for not being psychic or reading the air, inform him of that hard established boundary that you will not cross at this time. "

Wiseonthree​(dom male),

Oh yeah, I guess I didn't mention that. I told him that I did not feel comfortable sharing that with him, that it brought back bad memories and PTSD. I told him that was a hard limit for online for me. He said ok, but asked again when I was ready to start as his trainee anyway. So yeah.

DrWakko • May 8, 2019

I'm just going to focus on the training part. I don't think you can be trained by just a random person. Training takes place by someone you are in a relationship with (relationship at any level). Training with someone you aren't going to be with is like training at McDonnalds then going to work at Burger King. Everyone has their own way of doing thing and their own way of wanting things done. Learning how someone wants something done doesn't mean that your partner wants them done the same way.

However, having a mentor/s or people you ask questions to about being a switch or how ever you (informal) want to identify is a great thing. If you take this offline there are plenty of classes and conventions where you can learn everything from how to flog to relationship skills.

There is a group of people who believe that those that offer to train or mentor someone is a red flag. Offering to train or mentor is different than saying you are one or can do x.

Keep in mind you are a 19 year old female (I know you realize this) and there are A LOT of males out there that will gift you the moon and the stars to see nudes.

Be careful out there. If it doesn't seem right or too good to be true it probably is.

DW

Wiseonthree​(dom male) • May 8, 2019

That sounds like another case of pushy horny dude , to me at least. If it is sending off red flags to you ...tell him hard pass.

I hope my advice helps.

notsounsureanymore • May 8, 2019

I don’t think nudes should ever be asked for by anyone, if they are offered because someone feels comfortable enough to send them then fine but being asked is a big red flag for me.
Ultimately, this is the internet and once put out there who knows where they end up.
If you feel uncomfortable then absolutely don’t do it, there is no hurdle for you to get over. If the person doesn’t respect what you’re saying then I would step away from them.

Just Jessy​(switch gender queer){Owned} • May 8, 2019

Wiseonthree​(dom male),
I have already cut communication with him. It made me very uncomfortable to say the least.


DrWakko{RL ONLY},
I know what you're saying about training, but my sub and I are both inexperienced. I've been looking for a mentor who can provide references, is willing to work with me online, and respects my hard limits, but it's hard. Sometimes you have to weed through the fakers.

It is very difficult to find local events and classes where I live, plus I would be too uncomfortable to go alone. I'm hoping to meet up with a local kinkster next week, and hopefully we'll be able to find some events to go to together, but my expectations are not high.

Bunnie • May 9, 2019

Hi @ KinkyLittleMommyAce,

firstly, I want to say well done on reaching out and asking questions to the community about something that didn’t sit right... very wise, and a good example.

secondly, to answer your question... I’m unsure if it’s common or not, however, from personal experience, the genuine Doms I have come across or come to know, don’t ask for nudes. They may ask for a face pic (and sometimes even not... a lot have waited until I asked), but not nudes.

thirdly, and I think the most important... it doesn’t matter. Yes... you read that right. Everyone could say “yes, it’s the norm,” but if it makes you uncomfortable... don’t do it. You always have a choice... I don’t care if everyone else is doing it. Do what feels right for you. It’s way better to not do something if you feel unsure, than to do it and regret it later (imo).

fourthly (lol if that’s a thing)... keep asking questions. I wish for you and your sub a safe and happy exploration

Nudes for a dude... Nope.. Time to get some serious attitude

ATL Dom​(dom male) • May 9, 2019

I have not asked for a nude from anyone that I was not in a serious long term established relationship with.

I have recieved them unsolicited and have not complained.

However, Anyone requesting the same or similar just brings up to many red flags. Number one is assume it could end up anywhere and everywhere and be used to blackmail you!

Best of luck but, I would think you may want to move along.