The feeling of mutation...

The feeling of mutation...

THGiN Lou​(dom male) • May 14, 2019

Hi, I just came across this cool place few days ago, it's always a fascinating thing to find people with similar interests. So I'd like to share my story and my thoughts with you.

I was vanilla pretty much my whole life until my last relationship. She told me that she's a masochist after we went exclusive, I was shocked at first, but after discussion and consideration, I committed to make her happy. At first it was Hell for me to do things that pleases her, I was always saying no like a brat. Then one day I guess her leader personality kicked in, she talked me down and commanded me to punish her. I didn't know what to feel when she taught me to inflict pain on her as a sign of love, I felt her pain like it was on me. Then I saw light and flame in her eyes every time after she broke me down and watched me act on her commands with tears in mine, this satisfied her like no other. While seeing her shiver, groan with joy, all the emotional pain just turned to blasting pleasure for me. I've never experienced anything like that before, it's frighteningly intense. Every time I tried to think, her voice would softly cut in and told me to focus on my tasks.

I learned more about D/S afterwards, before I thought she was a masochistic Domme, and I was submitted to her. But these days it became a little bit clearer for me, that she feels more like a dominant masochist, I subbed only because I loved her and wanted to make her happy. I couldn't tell the difference nor do I know if that's a thing, to me it felt like that. But now after we've separated, I kind of lost the ability to grab that thrilling experience again, when I was with other subs the only part of me that's activated was the sadist.

This is bothering me quite a bit for a while now, the test showed me that I am a switch, but I could only feel it when I was with that specific person. Quite odd to me, like I turned from a potato to a Sub, then a Sub to a Dom

MsNevermore​(other female) • May 14, 2019

Mutating or evolving into...good description.

What I am reading is that you began vanilla, didnt want to inflict pain/felt pain in causing pain but consented to please her. (Sadomasochism)

It sounds as she was topping from the bottom or more likely you were a bottom as a sadist to her topping Masochist.

I, personally, dont see in this example any clear power exchange for it to be D/s but thats not not necessary here.

I would recommend looking first at Top and Bottoming. Leave any actual power exchange off the table for now. Figure out where you are in the top bottom and then evolve from there.

THGiN Lou​(dom male) • May 15, 2019

Thank you @MsNevermore, that was very informative. I hardly knew anything about it during the relationship, thought it was just some “extra spice”, turned out there’s a whole lifestyle out there to be explored. Top/Bottom is a subject I never gave too much thought about, it was like a substitution of words for S&M, your explanation cleared that up for me.

With this concept in mind and look back, I feel being bottom has brought me great pleasure, but unless it’s a romantic relationship, I enjoy more being top and seldom give away the control.

Would love to hear more about the power exchange, have a good night.