Ageism?!?! Why?!?!

Ageism?!?! Why?!?!

1crazygirl​(sub female) • May 24, 2019

I would like to know if any others, and I am asking all others out there, if they are feeling AGEISM in general in the BDSM Community?!??!! I am way over the age of consent at 51 years young. I feel young inside kinda young on the outside depending on the day. LoL lol lol. I am getting these vibes though and have been told straight out that I'm too old to be a babygirl/little girl. I know that's ridiculous. I wonder if others who happen to be over 35 get the same vibes/reactions!!??!!?? Maybe other people just don't admit their ages. I am just curious.
1crazygirl/1cg

Bunniee​(sub female) • May 24, 2019

I really hope not. Im 34 and its always something i wanted to experience

1crazygirl​(sub female) • May 24, 2019

PrimalPrey, you'll get there, to my age that is which is a great age to be. It's just the feeling of, I'm too old to be in the Lifestyle that I get from some people I don't understand. I sure hope you never get to that point.

TheEdgeofDarkness​(dom male) • May 24, 2019

I think if someone said that at ANY age someone is "too old" to be a Babygirl, then they have a fundamental misunderstanding of the actual role (for the want of a better word).

Re: Ageism?!?! Why?!?!

Soulweaver​(dom male) • May 25, 2019

The whole purpose of the "little/middle/babygirl" genre is for an adult to roleplay as someone much younger than they are. I find it ludicrous that some half-assed internet crowned dominant would try to tell you that you are "too old" to be a babygirl/little. Perhaps they really meant that you are older than they are comfortable with, but that is something completely different than what you have been told. If you want to identify as a babygirl/little, well my opinion is go for it. I am sure that you can find a Dominant that honors the gifts you bring, you will just need to weed out the so-called dominants that don't know a flogger from wartenberg wheel.

MD

Bunnie • May 25, 2019

@ 1crazygirl, although I’m not in my 50’s, I understand what you mean. Accepting this part of myself and openly admitting it is still very very new for me... and there have definitely been moments where I feel like I’m being ridiculous and “should act my age.” Easier said than done when you’ve got a Little inside you lol. It hurts to hear things like that or to feel that vibe, because our Little doesn’t recognise that she/he is anything other than what she/he is... whatever that age may be. And for them it’s not just an adulty type of hurt... it’s soul crushing. It’s rejection of who they are. Ouch.

But... some people don’t understand, and that’s ok. That’s when it’s time to simply take your sunshine and share it with someone who gets it... and who loves that aspect of you just as much as the other bits and pieces

dollMaker​(dom male) • May 25, 2019

Preferences are what they are, others desires, turn ons and turn offs, and that can be very complicated. Sometimes that comes through ignorance or through experience. It sucks that some don't want to even try people of a certain age, but those are their preferences, maybe also their limits and boundaries, as such they must be respected and accepted, though I get that can be hard. I see people from time to time I would love to talk to and get to know, but their preferences exclude me. I respect that, but the what if, what could be thought does raise its head. If only there was a more open mind. If there isn't there isn't.

I am pretty much an equal opportunities person in that for me connection and energy is what I am atttracted to with age, race, religious beliefs/lack of, body type, even in some cases gender not being a factor. For me its about the energy and connection. My only strong preference, so far, is the energy should be Fem in some way.

I would only be age aware at the extremes, late teens and early twenties involvements so far for me have not been very successful (though my mind is still open), and over 65 regarding certain types of physical world activity extra care I believe needs to be taken into account. Using impact toys, whips, floggers and canes. In an online dynamic age in that case would not be an issue.

I think from what I can see, female subs suffer a lot re ageism in that many dominants seem to want/chase after the hot young things and the more mature less so. In my view that is a mistake, oversight as the more mature have a lot to offer and should not be dismissed. Re dominants often older seems to be a desirable quality, (maybe unfairly less so with female dominants) and not even in the area of daddy/care giver types, so many seek older, and dismiss younger. In saying that I do see subs that want same age or just slightly older, not so much younger.

I know in a few cases my age has been a turn off once I am asked it, too old, so the conversation dwindles or stops right away.

Preference is complicated and often it comes across as not fair, as it can be exclusionary (some exclusion is yucky particularly race based exclusion), but most people have some exclusionary preferences/bias. For me, despite generally being pretty open minded, so far, its male identifying submissives, and I know that has disappointed some, and I am sorry for that but it is what it is at the current time.

Regarding being too old to be a baby girl/little, if that is how you identify, your energy then age is immaterial in my view.

CapnRick​(dom male) • May 25, 2019

Well, CG -- I try not to get entangled with subs/Littles below their mid-30s, mostly because tastes in everything from music to shared world-views seem off-kilter with much younger women and me as an older Dom....Echoing the posters above-- I feel that it is only those younger than you (actual years) who would dismiss the idea of older Littles. I've personal experience with a Little older than you, and there is absolutely nothing inherently wrong with being a Little at your age. Period!
With your compatible Daddy-- there will not even be a whiff of ageism! Go and be happy in your own kink!

SoulKiss84​(switch female) • May 25, 2019

I believe that holding both your current self and the little girl inside together no matter what age you are is very important, even outside of BDSM. I’ve been reflecting on this quite a bit lately. Our formative years influence our entire lives and that never goes away. It’s where we experience innocence, love, caring, basic wants and needs, it molds us into who we are and influences what we’re looking for. Embracing that little girl inside is what helps me drop my boundaries and let someone else in and sometimes even decide to shut someone out. Going back to her helps me figure out what may be going wrong within a given situation. And I also think it goes both ways. Men cannot be men unless they deal with the little boy inside too. I had a Dom where issues from his childhood affected his view and it made the relationship incompatible. So let that little girl sing! She’s amazing and a wonderful part of you.

1crazygirl​(sub female) • May 25, 2019

Thank you all; Cable , Bunnie, Soulweaver, dollMaker, Capn Rick for your contributions and insight on my AGEISM topic. Everyone of you brought to the table points that are valid while at the same time either giving me advice, reasons I hadn't considered and overall positive positions. Good reading is basically what I'm saying:). Thank you:)!
1crazygirl/1cg