What do you do when someone ghosts you

What do you do when someone ghosts you

thirstyharley​(dom male) • Jun 5, 2019

We’ve all been there. You find someone, you hit them up, decide you like them, then you start flirting, they start flirting back, etc etc, and then somewhere down the line, out of nowhere, that person just straight up stops contacting you entirely, as if they had died. What do you do? How do you usually end up feeling from it? Have you ever thought about whether or not it was because of you or because of outside sources? Have you ever hoped that they would come back to you and youd continue where you left off with that person? Im curious to see how you guys handled these situations.

heartbrokengirl​(sub female) • Jun 5, 2019

Mostly end up feeling like... what did i do wrong? If wasn't the one for them or something came up why couldn't they just say it? I feel this mostly after more then a few messages, like if we had been conversing for a while. (I'm also talking in general not with just a reference with this site)
and if it was an outside factor if they liked you or you had a bond, a simple I am going through some things I need some time away, would be sufficient so the person isn't left wondering what the hell happened.
I had a really good friend we were as close as 2 people could be but with out being romantic or intimate. Talked everyday, saw each-other regularly when time allowed it, told each other everything. One day out of the blue I was un-friended on Facebook, blocked on messenger and snap chat with no explanation. wouldn't answer any of my calls or texts, I was devastated. I recently noticed that i was unblocked from Facebook messenger, I have thought about reconnecting to see what the hell the deal was, but would anything good come from it? Would knowing why make me feel any better? (it could also possibly make me feel even worse depending on what he had to say) also if we rekindled our friendship I would always feel like at any moment is he going to block me again? Would i be able to trust that he wouldn't abandon our friendship again?
So I think maybe better to be dropped and not picked up again or explained.

thirstyharley​(dom male) • Jun 5, 2019

Thats what I hate about this sort of situation. It has a way of getting in your head and making you feel shitty even when you arent close to knowing if youve actually done something wrong

AKittenforSir​(sub female){JohnBond} • Jun 5, 2019

I’m not proud to say that I’ve been the ghoster before. Not on this site and not recently but in my life I’ve ghosted people, and truthfully more than once. It’s awful and I don’t say it to brag, and I wish I could go back and be more honest and mature in my approach. I only admit this here and now to say that it isn’t the person being left behind’s fault, it’s the person walking away that has the issues. I fear confrontation and I struggle with anxiety and feeling overwhelmed, so in the past when things would get to be too much or began feeling out of hand, I’d just shut down that person or part of my life completely. In my mind at the time I was doing them a favor. I figured that them thinking I might be dead was better than me flat out telling them I wasn’t interested in speaking to them anymore. Obviously that’s a ridiculous rationale but this is my confessional.

From one ghoster to the ghosted, I’m sorry. Really truly I am. You’re a valuable person worth someone’s time and attention and respect. Don’t let someone treat you as anything less. You should forgive (they say to hold a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die) but you should never forget (Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice....)

Lexxa​(sub female) • Jun 5, 2019

So I’ll preface this by saying that my views on ghosting probably don’t align with the majority.

I’ve thankfully only been ghosted in person once and while sure I had questions I didn’t find I had any trouble getting over it and moving on the next day. Now, I hadn’t really established any real connection with this person outside of two weeks of online chatting and this was supposed to be our first in-person meet-up but they never showed up and for reasons unknown blocked me before I could even ask for any type of explanation. For me though, that was explanation enough. For whatever reason that person decided they no longer wished to communicate and it wasn’t worth my time to ponder over something unknown and now pointless. I will say that it did initially catch me off guard since I’d never had it happen in person but again I generally just go with the “oh well” attitude and move on with life. After all, the earth keeps spinning and I can either stop and wallow over nothing or I can keep moving on.

In the online landscape I find ghosting to be common and honestly natural. There I said it. Natural. It happens, it’s not the end of the world and if something ends it clearly wasn’t meant to be to begin with. Perhaps a lot of this viewpoint is a result of my naturally passive personality and these are just my opinions on the matter.

In modern times, and especially with those of us that grew up with the internet and social media networking, we’re incredibly saturated daily with all sorts of communication. It can be overwhelming especially if you already live life on the go. I find myself responding to messages frequently while on commuter trains, waiting on platforms and just whenever I can break my focus away from life for a moment. I’ve been guilty of unintentional ghosting simply because I often see and respond to messages in my head and then don’t realize I never actually sent a physical response. I’ve been better about that but it does still happen on occasion.

I’ve had plenty of people ghost me both vanilla and otherwise. I’ve had some really great (or at least in my mind they were) conversations with people I’ve met online who suddenly one day become unresponsive with no explanation. In the moment I ask myself some questions but again I forget it and move on quickly because I just don’t have the time and mental energy to waste on it. I’m sure they have their reasons and I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Generally, if I’ve sent the last message and they never reply I leave it alone. If they want a connection they’ll respond and make an effort. If it’s not clicking with them they won’t. Simple as that.

So there’s my unpopular opinion on ghosting. I do like reading everyone’s viewpoints and reactions on it. I’d say I’m definitely in the minority when it comes to my views in particular.

Ingénue{VK} • Jun 5, 2019

Attachment styles are worth reading up on in connection to ghosting. Our responses to ghosting, however these might vary, are always valid.

SirAquarianChef​(sadist male) • Jun 6, 2019

I have been on both sides of the fence on ghosting. Most recently I had that happen with my last play partner. We were involved for over a year and she became a friend to both my wife and I, then just got funny style after a year. We went from everyday to nada. Yes there was chaos in both our vanilla lives, but there were plenty of opportunities to say something rather than just up and quit from nada. If there was a connection involved, as there was in my case, it's gonna hurt, but honestly it is for the best to just let go.

Take a moment to reflect about that relationship, and make whatever adjustments you deem prudent, but know that if you were honest and upfront, you did your part.

Tanaquil • Jun 7, 2019

For me, it mostly depends on whether some kind of relationship has been established.

Once I got ghosted by someone I'd been seeing for three months. That one hurt a lot.

Another was by a guy I'd only been talking to online for about a month, but it seemed like we had a pretty good rapport and I looked forward to hearing from him. The last I heard from him, he had a mystery illness that had put him in the hospital. I was honestly worried he had died, to the point that I was keeping an eye on the local obituaries. Nope... just ghosted again.

The guy who asked for a pic during our first chat and then deleted his entire account immediately after seeing it... that one kinda hurt my feelings, heh.

Usually it's just water off my back, though. Sometimes people lose interest for whatever reason. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you, and even if it does, it doesn't mean you're lacking in some way.

Wiseonthree​(dom male) • Jun 8, 2019

Having been ghosted recently, and ghosted often (by often I mean over many years...it’s a frequent occurrence), I say it’s best to leave the door open.

Meaning , you leave it in their court. If they want to talk to you they know where to reach you.

Avoid telephone games, avoid obsessive and pushy messages. Keep your temper in check and know that it takes two people to be in the “zone”. You might be the perfect mood , mental state, and mind set to get it on but this other person might be not there.

Give it some time, never rebound, always be prepared but do not expect their return. Be honest with them upon their return of how it affected you.