Prickly Doms and the question of stroking egos ...

Prickly Doms and the question of stroking egos ...

NCarraway​(dom male) • Jun 8, 2019

I have it on good authority that Doms have mood swings too ... and can, from time to time be, lets call it prickly. I myself become more aware, as time goes on, of my own mood and balance and how that is reflected by my partner. This awareness is good and healthy and helps me to improve in many ways.

I suppose my question is aimed at those with online or long distance type D/s but i would be interested in all opinions.

1. How do you become aware of the Dominant's prickliness and how does it make you feel?

2. Do you feel that you should do anything about this or do you feel that the D will sort himself out in good time? (Take it on/Hunker down)

3. Do you have any hacks that you use to bring the dynamic back to a steady position.? This could be in the form of time-outs discussions or the more subtle stroking of egos.

Disclaimer: stroking of egos would definitely never ever never work with me.

Really interested in the insights. Carraway

ADIDAS • Jun 8, 2019

Hi NC,
I had an ex online Dom for a year, we met once in RL, that had this issue. Funnily enough I noticed this after we met in RL though. Some people say that had nothing to do with it but I think it does. You're getting more comfortable in the relationship, right?
1. I became aware by his messages. Everyone has a way to communicate, a cadence, a repertoire of words they like to use, verbal sonata If you will that's almost like their signature. His sonata became a interlude. His cadence off beat and his pretty repertoire he threw out the window. Short, grumpy answers If I got an answer at all. I didn't understand it. We had just spent 4 glorious days together in a beautiful sunny place together and shortly after that he becomes.... distant and grumpy. Well, I'm sure you can imagine how it made me feel. I felt like I was bothering him. Always. That's not a good way to feel after he always used to say he was glad to hear from me. Now it's, " I'm busy working". I get that happens sometimes but every single time? In short he made me feel like he didn't want me anymore. He got what he set out to get. Now he's done with me. Our relationship lasted like this for another 2 ish weeks.

2. I felt at the time I could do something about this but I was terribly wrong. I also feel in any situation like this, no, a sub isn't going to affect her Dom's state of mind other than to tell Him she's there for Him when he needs her. A Dom is too strong, controlling of themselves even to need anyone else to help them. I sent sexy videos, cute videos, heartfelt memes, letters, diarys, anything I could think of but none of them mattered in my case. My ex had already set His mind.

3. I feel like If there's any hack's or ideas that an s might use to pull their relationship together first they need to determine IF they have a relationship worth saving. If their Dom is still on board with the relationship as well. Unbeknownst to me, these were symptoms that my relationship was over, only I didn't Know it and he didn't have the courage to straight up tell me. So here I am basking in the afterglow of our first time together, and hey! For me it was an out of this world experience! And he's finding my replacement. 😒 I was ready to plan our next meet. OH YEAH! He was going to be traveling within driving distance of me about 6 weeks later, that's when he started acting more like himself because he wanted me to drop everything and meet him there. Very short notice. I went along to see how he'd act and sure enough he was my old Dom, loving, sweet, generous with his words. Then I had to tell him I just couldn't meet Him. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Right back to moody man. Funny how that works huh.
He ghosted me for almost 4 months until the day of our one year anniversary, then contacted me for a break up. " Let's just get this done and over with" His words. I was heartbroken! I loved my Daddy/Dom. And he broke me. I couldn't trust anyone.

But I met MyDaddy I have now and since then I have been taught the difference between a real "Dom" and MyDaddy Dom. Huge difference!!! Turns out I was with a fake All along. Dumb me!

Thank you NC for your excellent question, although I don't think I'm the right person to be answering it. I think you might be looking for couples that are together and this happens.
I still want to add my story. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to do that.

Humbly yours,
Ms. A.

NCarraway​(dom male) • Jun 8, 2019

Ms A.

Thanks so much for that input. Even though it was not what I imagined i'd get back its given me some things to think about. You obviously went through a lot there and I am glad you are in a better place now.

Your post was a touching read and i appreciate your thoughts.

NC

Constellation​(sub female){Taken} • Jun 8, 2019

I feel like I depend a lot emotionally on my Dom, I'm also very empathetic, so any small change on his mood affects me.
1- short answers with less usage of soft words or pet names, among other more personal things. It makes me feel anxious, sometimes sad and alone, because I want to help him feel good more than anything.

2- I feel a strong urge to help him, but on an online relationship you just can't do much... sometimes it breaks my heart I can't be there for him.

3- Usually I give him time, be as much of a good girl as I can (I'm a needy brat), pamper him, make him feel (or try to) that I'm here for him. If it extends for too long I request a serious talk out of the dynamic.

Personally, I think if I can't affect his life in a good way, there's no reason to continue. Both Dom and sub must be fulfilled, thus getting pleasure/good vibes/anything beneficial from one another is a must. So in my opinion it's ok to be moody, as long as it's not permanent or doesn't reflect on the dynamic itself, like Adidas' case.. then yes, I agree endind it is the best thing for both.