Training Basics

Training Basics

clarasmaster​(dom male) • Jun 4, 2019

So I'm a new Dom (15 days old) in a long distance temporarily, we are just sexting as of now and getting the feel of D/s.

We are a monogamous married couple, with a child, our long distance ends on 8th June (4 days from now), and we've planned a collaring ceremony and acceptance of being a dom to my sub, we are preparing a contract for the same.

I've read a lot of blogs, articles related to D/s, but that doesn't change the fact that I have no experience in training a sub, and I haven't found good articles on the subject as well.

Need suggestions on basics of training.

What worked for you, what didn't, what did you wish you would have done instead in the initial days?

Hoping for some great stories and ideas...

LifeAdventures​(switch female) • Jun 5, 2019

My biggest advice is to not get too ambitious too quickly. Set rules and rituals that are attainable by both of you. You must follow through even when you dont feel like it. But, be flexible too because life happens. My late husband and I had 6 kids at home. We set his day off as our maintenance day and I would really focus on tending to his needs on that day.

He was a doting husband and a great partner outside of playtime. He led our home by example and helped out with kids and chores daily. I felt taken care of and knew I could fully trust him.

There are things that you can do, like wearing the ben wa balls inside, no panties, or a particular posture that can reinforce submissiveness. Find what does it for your lady and incorporate that.

My hubby and I lived a domestic discipline/hoh relationship 24/7. Our rules were not many. Safety, health and respect were the core tenets. Specific rules made sense... keep phone charged and tank over half full, no eye rolling, etc. The bdsm was something we used to keep things interesting.

My current fiance has taught me positions he likes with simple commands. He regularly orders me to kneel or be a footstool or cup holder. That helps me focus on him. He sometimes restrains me before sleep with ties. I could get out on my own, but I dont out of respect. It makes me feel owned. I like that.

I hope this helps. If you take one thing from what I said it is to be consistent, both with your rules and your time. Good luck!

Soulweaver​(dom male) • Jun 5, 2019

The reason you haven't found good articles about training a submissive, is mainly due to the fact that you will be training them to service you. Also, any training needs to be tailored to your submissive, her limits, your limits and what type of relationship you want. There are some books that I have seen on Amazon particularly by Elizabeth Cramer, called the "Dom's Guide to Submissive Training Vol. 1, 2 & 3. She has a couple of others as well. Now, huge caveat! I have not read these, nor vetted the info contained within. They have decent reviews on Amazon, but that's not necessarily saying much. I imagine they would be at bare minimum, a start.

I would also recommend "The Loving Dominant" by John Warren, "SM101: A Realistic Introduction" by Wiseman and "Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns" by Miller & Devon. The last three won't help with training per se, but they will help you both get a more through understanding of the lifestyle, the "rules", responsibilities and such. And you should BOTH read them.

Last thing and you probably won't want to hear this. But, I think trying to train a submissive with "15 days" experience is a fools errand at best. My recommendation is that you spend some time reading these books, listening to some pod casts and talking with like minded individuals here or elsewhere at the very least, BEFORE you take that next step. But, as with any advice, you are free to take my advice or not. But, please whatever you do, be careful.

clarasmaster​(dom male) • Jun 5, 2019

@lifeadventures, firstly congratulations on the upcoming marriage. Thank you for your sound advice, will try to incorporate your advice, seems same. My sub loves being tied up, and I just got her a remote controlled vibrator, we both are looking forward to this lifestyle.

clarasmaster​(dom male) • Jun 5, 2019

@Soulweaver thank you for your suggestions and concern. By training I didn't mean anything extreme, we have already had past plays with handcuffs, spanking, blindfold in our vanilla relationship. So do not worry I believe in the mantra "Better safe than sorry".

The heading itself states basics of training, something we can start with, and also asking about other peoples experiences for a fun read and learning something from it. 1 day or 15 days, one has to start somewhere, how do you get any experience without getting into it!

Soulweaver​(dom male) • Jun 5, 2019

"1 day or 15 days, one has to start somewhere, how do you get any experience without getting into it!"

Yes, of course you make a valid point. However, for example just as I would not recommend someone who has never driven an auto, jump behind the wheel and scream down the highway at 70+, without learning the controls, rules of the road, etc. I would not recommend that someone just rush into this without learning the basics and more. I believe that before a D can train a submissive, they must first learn to control themselves and training begins first and foremost, with the D.

This does not prevent you from playing with kinky toys or ideas. Hell, this lifestyle's popularity has exploded and many people engage in kinky behaviors, without ever calling themselves D or s. Of course, many of those "fringe" players end up returning later, as it turns out they can't extinguish the fire within and long for the endorphin rush or whatever they felt when they played once before. The more, the merrier I say.

Bunnie • Jun 5, 2019

@ clarasmaster,

“I haven't found good articles on the subject as well.”

This surprises me. I guess I’ve been blessed with good google searches

One of my faves, which also has a Dom section:

http://kinktoychest.com/index.php/castle-realm-archives

If you’d like more, there are forums here that list many, many sites. The podcast section also has some fantastic podcasts.

Good luck

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Jun 6, 2019

I'm a Domme not Dom so I'm not going to make a comment other than congrats. You mentioned reading materials. Most places I frequent are femdom based so not much help when it comes to Maledom but I can recommend taking a look at Ranais book marks at https://ranai.wordpress.com/ shes has wonderful places to "start" learning that are gender neutral and often from respected sources within the BDSM community. Best of luck

TheAnt​(dom male) • Jun 6, 2019

Claramaster,
I write a blog on here aimed at helping virtual Doms/subs. It might help you out. If not, what the heck at least it may be entertaining.
I do have a schedule written out for training my sub, Kitty and a lot of sub tasks. I also believe it is very important to establish a daily routine. One last piece of advice, find out what she wants to gain out of being a submissive and then read, search and research on how to meet those needs. You then can tailor your training to helping her meet her needs as well as your own. Kitty loves the structure and the predictability, while I love pushing her to ever expanding horizons.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jun 8, 2019

Try these two:

http://yourkinkyfriends.com/2018/06/29/livingms/



http://yourkinkyfriends.com/2018/07/08/living-m-s-24-7-part-two-by-master-bear/