sub corner.

Bunnie • Jun 1, 2019

*Something I’d like to add, speaking for my own experiences... determining this hasn’t made the journey any easier lol.

Good luck, I hope you find what nourishes you

Miki​(masochist female) • Jun 2, 2019

Well as I am not a lifestyle sub my post is mere opinion but here goes:

Never thought much about it. While I don't do online meet greet and eat hookups but if I were such a player I'd say experience statements are for resumes. I don't take applications for sex partners. If I'm looking to get laid (or better) on a given night I'll wear the tube top and short leather skirt and go from there.

Looks don't really mean a lot either. If the sex partner doesn't smell like dirty socks I'm fine. Beat my ass fuck me silly and see ya later.

Corpsdom​(dom male) • Jun 2, 2019

@Miki- Even though you are not a lifestyle sub or slave, I've developed a few women into slave escorts, and that was the exact attitude I wanted them to have before I sold them for the night. They got whipped hard, fucked hard, and brought cash back to me. Everybody was happy, lol.

bugsyssis​(sub female) • Jun 13, 2019

I'm having a bit of a hard time. I've been with Sir for almost 5 weeks and we've only texted. I joined this site hoping to make new friends who understand what it's like. I was almost immediately approached by a Dom. He was nice and we got on well. Before I knew it, I was doing tasks for him and he said I was his. He knew about Sir and how little attention I was receiving. I've talked to Sir about this and still haven't had a satisfactory solution. Sir hadn't texted in almost a week but just so happened to text on the morning I was to make my decision. I told him what was going on and he texted me a short response. UhOh. That was a week ago. Sir just texted me last night and said he's still angry but he's going to forgive me and make me start all over. I'm still new to the lifestyle and to him. I've asked for clarification and for what I need from him. I'm crazy about him, but I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster with him. I think I'm trying to control what I need to release. I'm just having a hard time doing that. I'm very much in control of every other area of my life. I know I need to learn patience. We were going to meet 2 weeks ago, but couldn't due to his roof springing a leak. I was disappointed, but what could I do? Now I sit in limbo waiting for my next task. I have to work my way back to where I was. I just want to kneel by his side and serve him well. Any advice on the training process would be appreciated.

Pumpkin29​(sub female){MrWhite} • Jun 13, 2019

@bugsyssis

Welcome!
Firstly, I'm sorry you're experiencing this, and please know that you're not alone. There are lots of people here who will help you any way they can, myself included.

There's a couple things that worry me about your post and your profile. Of course, I'm relatively new as well, so please take what I say with a grain of salt.

It worries me that your initial Dom's availability to you is so limited while you're developing your relationship. I realise life gets in the way, but a week between text messages, particularly in light of what's been happening, seems like a red flag to me.

It's normal to be bombarded by "Doms" as soon as you join this site. Please be careful. As a new addition to the site, there are some that will view you as "fresh meat."

I'm wondering if you're familiar with the phrase "sub frenzy?"
If not, please research it. If you are, I'd gently caution you to think carefully about who you submit to and under what circumstances. Based on your profile and what you've shared here, I can see that you're searching for something, and you may not be overly critical of who you're letting provide it. Please, make sure that your judgement is as clear as it can be and that you're keeping yourself safe.

Your first responsibility is to yourself. You must protect yourself. Physically and emotionally. You must trust that your Dom has YOUR best interests at heart, and until then, YOU must have your best interests at heart.

You do not belong to someone simply because they say so. You are accountable only to yourself until YOU decide to give someone that power.

Read blogs, forums. Give yourself the tools to make good choices. Learn from those among us that didn't.

These are all things that any partner worth their salt will demand of you, and any good friend would encourage you to do.

Be careful, be safe.
Hugs.

CrimsonPaw • Jun 13, 2019

Excellent advice, Pumpkin29

bugsyssis​(sub female) • Jun 13, 2019

Thank you so much Pumpkin. I'm going to reread your words again and again so that they really sink in. In Sir's defense on the week between texting, I am being punished and he knows that lack of communication is excruciating to me. I'm so thankful for your insight. I'm sure we'll be talking more as I know I'll have plenty of questions.

Bunnie • Jun 13, 2019

@ bugsyssis,

@ Pumpkin really covered everything beautifully.
Something I would like to add as a thought. I know for myself that often when I feel like as you described...

“but I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster with him. I think I'm trying to control what I need to release. I'm just having a hard time doing that. I'm very much in control of every other area of my life. I know I need to learn patience.”

this for me has often meant that there hasn’t yet been enough trust established for me to feel safe in letting go. For myself, trust comes with stability, consistency, comfort, being able to approach my Sir with absolutely anything... and knowing that he is ALWAYS there when I need him (unless of course something serious has happened... which we have even discussed and covered).

An open line of communication is our foundation.

Perhaps this isn’t the case for everyone, however I just wanted to share to give you an idea of other’s experiences and perspectives.

The last thing I’m going to say is that something clearly isn’t sitting right with you... and I’m so glad you reached out and asked. Listen to yourself and trust yourself... you are the only person who knows what’s right for you.

CapnRick​(dom male) • Jun 13, 2019

I think that as usual from her, Bunnie's idea -- what nourishes you -- is very close to what any of the labels we use as short-hands is all about.
Most everyone here brings certain hungers, often vaguely unfulfilled desires. There are often false starts, or fits and starts, outright non-connections. That nourishing is elusive.

But when we find someone who does give us that sense of being nourished, or fulfilled, we know that has happened without any doubts. Bunnie's idea of course applies to Doms as well as subs, or any other variants found here. A Dom, too, can go through the motions of control a sub---and not feel that crackling electricity we recognize as real nourishing of our individual cravings....

So, since this is a Sub Corner, I'll just note that when your subbing says to you "YES, this is who I am and what I need to be whole!" you need not doubt whether you are a submissive...
Thanks all, fascinating forum posts here.

Pumpkin29​(sub female){MrWhite} • Jun 14, 2019

Hehe, my relationship with punishments makes me unqualified to help in that regard.
I'd be more than happy to help you in any way that I can.
Take what Bunnie said to heart, her advice is always sound.
Just make sure that you're happy and whole.