I have questions

FunCouple{.-Couple-.} • Jun 25, 2019

You have a new sub who has never had a Dom, how does the relationship start?

Reading that, one might surmise that the relationship (or journey) has already started.
You know the general direction you are heading in (wanting D/s), you just haven’t narrowed it down to with whom yet.

When the time comes, who ever and however you meet Him, you must spend some time to get to know Him in person.
As a real life person in a public place.
Do not just trust texts, pictures and phone calls. These help tighten the net in your search but it’s not enough.
If you have carried out due diligence, things should go well at your meeting.

Remember, due diligence works both ways..... for D-types and s-types.
When single, I once met a sub who I had been chatting to on and off over a long period of time, at an airport hotel in the UK.
We both knew who we were and what we liked and we had always had fun communicating over the airwaves.
When we met in person (she always told me she called such .... validation meetings) we took 2 or 3 hours chatting (and laughing) getting to know each other better and feel comfortable.
The difference between this type of ‘date’ and a vanilla one, is that sexual desires, stories and interests, in my experience, are talked about openly within the first hour.

I could say more, and I should really double check what I have written, but if you would be so kind as to excuse my crassness .... it’s shawarma night tonight and I’m being hailed by a hungry Kitty.

PS
Bugger, I’ve just realised I have been waffling on about a D/s play date and not a relationship.
Appologies.... blame it on a hungry tummy (and Kitty)

DC Daddy​(dom male) • Jun 25, 2019

I have a slightly different take than many here. My formative experience grew organically out of a vanilla sexual relationship and that experience is my template for other D/s type relationships.

For me, the prerequisites for any partner - kink or not - are chemistry and trust. If that's there, then you have a good foundation for experimentation. We started with some pretty basic rough(er) sex. I observed her responses, which made it pretty clear what worked and what did not. We also developed a really strong dirty talk dialogue both in and out of the bedroom. I find dirty talk not only really hot, but also a terrific tool for both checking in with a partner during play without subverting the dynamic, and for exploring fantasies between play times. As she/we opened up, I came to view it as my responsibility to lead that voyage of discovery. That was fairly early in our run together - before we had even realized that we had what would be considered a kink relationship or used the d/s nomenclature - but in retrospect I have come to believe that that sort of erotic leadership is the core of being a "dom." At least for me.

I read a lot in the community about "communication" and talking and telling your partners about your desires and needs. I agree. My first real GF in college told me - "if you can't talk about it, we can't do it." 100% correct. I specifically like "inter-mezzo" time (pillow talk time between sessions) to debrief what just happened and discuss fantasies, meal times out for discussing things clothed and (mostly) sans risk of spontaneous play, and sexting for capturing fantasies/thoughts in the days after play time. All that said, no amount of mere direct verbal communication would have facilitated our journey from vanilla lovers to rough sex to exhibitionism, to public humiliation, and ultimately, to CNC. For me, physical communication/response and my partner's indirect communication are equally important to making the journey together.

Bottom line - vanilla or kink, for me, it all starts with trust and chemistry. Escalates from there.

Good luck and have fun!

No Body​(dom male) • Jun 25, 2019

Slowly getting to know each other and her limits. Not all at once as she will not know them but over time to find them together. Trust is earned not given and that is done one day at a time. You will start out thinging you only like a few things and later find you have found many others you like. You have to take the time and treat it like a buffe and take a taste of this and a taste of that. Soon you both will know what works for you and him.