Giving Up

Giving Up

BrunettePrincess​(sub female) • Jun 24, 2019

Why is it so hard to find someone I’m sexually attracted to on here? I’m tired of the “I’m not sending a picture because it adds to the mystery”. That’s such BS.

I know a connection is based off more then appearance but if you can’t trust that I’ll like you for you then why even message me? And let’s be honest, if we’re going to have a sexual connection as well then I want to be attracted to you.

I just want a dom who could train me to be a better sub that is attractive in my view (preferably someone close or close-ish to my age).

I’m about to give up hope

NCarraway​(dom male) • Jun 24, 2019

Miss brunette,

Attractiveness is important to many of us but my advice is to put it to one side for now. If you are starting out then you may find you reject many good potential partners/trainers while waiting for your ideal man to arrive. You may also find that a partner 'becomes' more attractive to you as you build that connection.

I'd suggest that you include a single line in your profile that just says something like 'I'd need a photograph before entering into any dynamic' and leave it at that. There is a danger in making too big of a deal of it in turning decent potential partners (that you could learn / grow a lot from) away. You could even phrase the line in terms of safety and security.

I know from my own experience that insecurity over appearance has been a problem earlier in my Dom-journey - and I am not a bad looking chap. These days I find an excuse to send a photo quite early in the developing conversation because it is much less of an issue if it does not build up. Thats my morning tip for new Doms.

Don't give up, think of the journey as a long one that you need to invest in. Carraway

Soulweaver​(dom male) • Jun 24, 2019

@BrunettePrincess​, your problem is similar in nature to the submissives who complain that they can't find Doms who like thicker women, just on the other end of the spectrum. Part of the issue in my opinion is that you have narrowed your choices down to a fine point. Now obviously that is your choice and there is nothing wrong with that, but it will make it just a bit more difficult to find a match in my opinion. You didn't mention exactly what you define as "close-ish" to your age and it may be helpful to have on your profile a preferred age range. Something along the lines of "I prefer Doms from 18-26" or words to that effect. Unfortunately, being young as you are, means that it will be more difficult to locate a "true" Dom that has the requisite experience. Please notice I said "more difficult" and not impossible. The more stringent your requirements, the more difficult your search.

I don't know where you live obviously, but you may find that it is easier to locate who it is you seek at in-person events, such as munches etc. Most larger Metro areas have some sort of events going on and if you are willing to get out there, it may be a big help in your search. Whatever you choose to do, I hope you find what it is you are looking for. Everyone deserves a chance to be happy and I believe if you give it some time you will find what it is you seek. The last thing I will say is that patience, while difficult and not very satisfying in the short term, is truly the way to go when searching for someone, especially your "first" someone. Your first someone will shape many of your opinions/wants/needs going forward and a positive experience is much better for you in the long-term than a negative or neutral experience ever could be. I wish you the best in your search and I hope you find your "lucky" Dominant guy soon!

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jun 24, 2019

This is not a vanilla dating site, most BDSM activity is illegal and as such personal security for many is foremost and therefore before trust is established wont supply a photo, or much identifying info and that should be respected. For those who either dont care about being identified as being linked to BDSM or can be out and proud from the get go thats great or your choice to do so, but dont disrespect those who can't be so free or cavalier with their privacy.

Being linked to BDSM activity can cause vanilla world issues, loss of job, being rejected by family etc and trusting a random stranger with your personal info, photo before you know and can trust them is a big deal for many. So I would try to keep that in mind and be more understanding regarding some people being reluctant to share too much to soon.

BrunettePrincess​(sub female) • Jun 24, 2019

@dollMaker I wouldn’t say I’m not being respectful. I too have a career that would be ruined. In my specific career I could be blacklisted and never get to use my degree again. I understand some may not send a picture right away, I’m not ignorant. But if I’m talking to you for two weeks and you refuse to send one or FaceTime, that’s a red flag for me. As someone who is particularly smaller, I need to make sure I know who I’m talking to before I would ever meet up with someone. As you say I should respect others., they need to respect me as well. I never ask for anything revealing, just a simple selfie.

I also think it’s rude/distasteful to lie about why you don’t want to send a pic. Don’t base it off the relationship of the D/s scenario when in reality it’s because they are insecure of their looks (which is specifically what I had issues with when looking on this site)

Herra​(dom male) • Jun 24, 2019

BP,

That you may have encountered less than honest and less than forthcoming individuals is hardly surprising on a site that caters to those looking for compatible partners. That is a fact of life on lifestyle sites, vanilla sites, and in the real world. It sounds as if you have pretty good "radar" so just politely excuse yourself from those situations and move on.

You've received a lot of very sound insight and advice in this thread. I hope you consider it carefully.

I looked at your profile and noticed that you had participated in this site for all of one week at the time you posted "Giving Up".

You have to do what is right for you but as a Dom of some years, I can tell you that patience is a virtue when looking for a lifemate (or any kind of partner) and that being patient can be very rewarding.

Wishing you the best in your search.

Fyglia Wicked​(dom female) • Jun 24, 2019

Keep in mind there is many married/ in a nilla relationship keyboard Doms on this site ( and every other BDSM site) there is no excuse if you enter into a D/ s dynamic a Dom would not send you a pic. If ppl are so fearful of their privacy best not they be on a site . Narrowing down your search helps weed out what you don't won't and having the patience of a saint is a munch needed requirement in the time spent looking for a potential match.

the elf • Jun 25, 2019

In general all the dating sites are full of married people everywhere who are looking for some easy fun.
Demand that photo.
If he doesn't want to send anything, you can ignore that moron as he is a waste of time.

No Body​(dom male) • Jun 25, 2019

Why can't we just be honest and up front about who we are? I am married my wife and I are in the lifestyle and we are honest about who we are and what we want. More people need to do that but there are some who can't for whatever reason. Giving up is not the way to be happy. You have to hang in there and keep blocking the jerks who bother you. Good luck.

EXACTLY!!

ElegantBella​(sub female) • Jun 25, 2019

I agree 💯!Most Dom’s talk about 100% trust but yet don’t have the balls to have a real pic of themselves.Either they have looked creepy as hell or the actually have a girlfriend already .Im not saying all but most I have had contact me.Im ready to give up too.Any other sites like this?