The Terms "Dominant" and "Submissive" seem to be relative, but not absolute, ter

The Terms "Dominant" and "Submissive" se

ThomasHahn • Jul 4, 2019

The Terms "Dominant" and "Submissive" seem to be relative, but not absolute, terms. They are kind of more like "more likely" or "less likely" instead of "always" or "never"

I think, I am both, i.e. submissive and dominant at the same time depending on my girlfriend and how much I love her. If the girls let me, I can also be dominating. But since most of my past girlfriends did not let me, I became submissive because I did not want to lose them. I am not sure exactly what I am yet. Because I think it is all relative. If the girl is more submissive than I am, then I can easily become dominant. But if she is more dominant than me, and I want to keep her, then I can also become submissive. According to my current understanding, there are no absolutes. There is no such thing as always "dominant" or always "submissive". It’s all relative, as opposed to absolute.. It’s like "more likely to be dominant" or "more likely to be submissive”

The way that people tend to use the term "Submissive" here, in my opinion, only implies that in most of the past relationships the guy let the girl dominate, because she insisted, and he was so in love with her that he did not want to lose her.

However, if it is a different girl, and she insists to be "submissive" then the boy can easily become dominant, if he wants to keep her. I think that this explains my situation better. I am still trying to understand it myself.

Maybe I should clarify this in my profile. But how can I register as both? I don't mind at all to by dominant, because I have evolved as a man obviously, But unfortunately, this did not happen in most of my past relationships, because the girls tended to be much stronger than me, because they picked me, instead of me picking them.

Does this make sense?

Soulweaver​(dom male) • Jul 4, 2019

To answer your question, there is another title which may fit your situation and that is switch. I will attach a link to the BDSM wiki definition of switch:

http://bdsmwiki.info/Switch

I would be remiss if I did not add that there is some amount of stigma attached to those who identify as switches (quite unfairly I might add imo). However, I am very adamant that you are free to define this how you see fit. If you find that you are more Dominant than submissive, well you are free to use the label you like. Do not allow others to dictate how you identify, there is NO "acid test for purity" within the community. I would however, strongly suggest that you be upfront with potential partners where you are in terms of identity. If they aren't comfortable with that, simply move along, it's probably not worth the potential heartache. Wishing you the best!

P.S. Don't get caught in the "submissive women are weaker" trap. Many of the submissive women I have met are not only very strong, they are highly capable.

Most submit to Dominant men not from weakness, but from a position of strength and they do so because it allows them to completely relax and be free of having to make those tough decisions, while they are in subspace. In other words, they allow D's to control them, as it suits their needs, not because they can't be in control, they simply prefer not to be.

And lastly, I can assure you that it takes much more fortitude to submit, than it ever does to Dominate. I began in this community way back when as a sub to a Domme, so I have a fair understanding of both sides of the coin. Also, these thoughts solely reflect MY views and do not purport to be the absolute views for anyone other than me.

Bunnie • Jul 4, 2019

@ ThomasHahn,

I tend to agree that it’s relative. From my own personal experiences, I’ve been Topped by subs who are quite dominant, and met Doms who I mistook for submissives. I tend to believe that we each bring out the qualities in each other that form our individual dynamic. In my opinion, the dynamic is the space that exists between the people involved... and that can vary as much as the number of people that exist.

Azzabackam​(switch male){PawPawGirl} • Jul 5, 2019

This is 100% on point. I've really struggled with what to tag myself as so people know what to expect with me, and no potential partners feel like I've been dishonest with them. I definitely agree with Bunnie that the amount of Dom-ness and sub-ness someone presents is affectedly primarily by the people drawing out those behaviors and feelings.

On the topic of "switch" as a tag, it has certain connotations within the community. People hear "I'm a switch" and assume the individual needs to have both aspects in their life and switch between the two often, so someone who simply drifts further than others between the two depending on their partner(s) gets painted in a certain way that may not accurately describe them.

VWS • Jul 5, 2019

Personally I cannot say I agree with this idea. I am exclusively a Top and have no interest in being submissive at all, no matter how attracted I am to a partner. In fact, a partner not being a submissive is a hard turn off for me. There are no circumstances under which I would switch.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jul 5, 2019

For me within a kink context I am a dominant, never sub and never switch. I am fixed in that regards, always have been and its not a question of meeting the right person. That is like saying that someone straight can be turned gay or bi, or vice versa if the right person comes along. Many are fixed in their roles, some may move from dom to sub, or sub to dom, or mix it up. Whatever works for you.

From my own point of view I have no issue with who anyone is, how they identify etc, as long as its all fully and enthusiastically consensual, between adults then have at it, whatever it is. Yyour kinks not my kink and thats ok.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jul 6, 2019

Your a switch.
Probably a service top.


The issue isn't with the definitions. The issue is that you need to broaden the words that you use to define yourself