New to Lifestyle

New to Lifestyle

Kala245​(sub female){No} • Aug 13, 2017

I have just met someone who told me that he was into the Dominant/submissive lifestyle- at least when it comes to the bedroom. There is definite chemistry, but I am very new to D/s. The role I would take is submissive (he made it clear that he is dominate). In many aspects of my life I see myself as dominate, but the idea of allowing someone else to have that kind of power over me (or at least being able to trust someone that much to dominate me) is appealing. How do other submissives feel about this, being dominate in other aspects but submissive in the bedroom? This is an area I am interested in exploring, but I want to learn more in order to feel safe. Any advice is appreciated.

K

Monayah​(switch female) • Aug 14, 2017

Hi feel free to hit me up anytime~

Monayah​(switch female) • Aug 14, 2017

I think it can confuse some when a person is one way in everyday life but completely dif in the bedroom. it's something that's def worth exploring with ur partner. and depending on what he's into that can determine what may be the safety issues

Taramafor​(sub male) • Aug 22, 2017

If trust is present then there shouldn't be an issue.

Trust is the key word here. Think about it. Lifestyle. This is NOT a bedroom only thing. When you're under the same roof as someone and living with them it's important to look after each other.

As someone that has yet to "Find" a dom to trust enough it does make things difficult somewhat. It started online for me. Which can have people that can be trusted when you get to know them enough. Now I'm into it IRL. Have bend over, spank my butt and that's probably a "Good morning" in D/s terms. Call me "Useless" and it's likely a pet name. I can be made to do almost anything, but of course there are some things I won't stand for. I like being used and controlled too.

Some people can get desperate and end up with the wrong people. Where trust is lacking. Do NOT make that mistake. Likewise some people can struggle with "Will my needs ever be met" because they never find the "perfect" dom. No one starts perfect. People can improve if you talk to them about it and want to look after you. The dom doesn't just control the sub. The sub also has to guide the dom.

Kala245​(sub female){No} • Aug 23, 2017

Thank you Monayah and Taramafor. This information is really helpful. I have been able to openly communicate with my partner about what is expected. He has always informed me that my safety is his number one priority. We are going to take things slow and go over a list of interests to see what is comfortable and acceptable. Please, if there is any more information you think I might benefit from (as well as my partner) it would be greatly appreciated.

K

Taramafor​(sub male) • Aug 23, 2017

Mmm, my advice would not to expect too much. Going slow is always a good idea. The reason I do away with expectations myself is because people can try too hard or feel inadequate if they're not "good enough". Such things can be a struggle at times. If someone is struggling yet made an effort (even if only a little) I actually tell them that I DON'T expect them to get things perfect.

'Course, there's not doing expectations and then there's just plain being lazy and not trying. Long as someone is trying for me things are fine. Someone might want to do something for me yet struggle with it (Which can lead to said laziness and perhaps fears of being able to look after me). Which is where I can try to guide them a bit. Not just with a thing itself but also how that thing is gone about. Every sub needs to be handled differently after all.

What can be a real struggle is trying to get someone to take the initiative without having to nudge them. This can be because people are used to other habits. being lazy can be a habit for example. The more you do something the more it becomes a habit. So perhaps slowly build up "Active things" as a habit. Starting can be the hardest part, but once the ball is rolling it tends to get easier. I actually expect a few false starts before that happens. Life can get in the way at times and cause some false starts too. When things are gotten used too that's less of an issue.

If an owner does do something good though appreciation is, well, appreciated. "You've gotten better at X thing here" for example. Once they know they're doing a thing you like (or even don't like if it's punishment related or something) then they know they can do it more. That they're "Handling" you correctly. Maybe a lot of other things need working on too but if they're "Heading in the right direction" I think it's important to inform them of that.