Confused sub

SirPain​(dom male) • Jul 12, 2019

After reading most of the replies I have to say that some are good and some are not so good.

Having been in this lifestyle for more than thirty years I have found that there are many different types of sub and/or slaves. Some find their release from pain, that is true. However some find their release by simply serving. Some feel great emotions in providing their superiors with a service such as making sure their coffee is prepared in a certain way. Some need the feelings of being needed, nothing more. For them a look or cross word is enough to send them spiraling until they find a way to please again.

Then there are those who can only find release through enduing painful sessions. Keep in mind that these painful session are many time physical but they can also be psychological. "Mind Fucks" are real and often painful in a way that can only be explained in the sense that the emotional pain is far greater than the physical pain. I've found that these need to be used in a special way that is not necessarily physically painful but , more emotionally painful. By letting them know that they have not made me happy with them or their performance will send them crying until I command them to stop and to find out what they did that didn't please me. That is when they start to search for more ways to serve and thereby receive their emotional uplift. Fixing my coffee, bathing me, massaging me, simply obeying my commands (sometimes they need to know that I am deliberately ordering them to do something that is totally against their will, such as a BBC gang bang, or K-9 sex), making them do what I desire is the only fulfilling way they can feel that they are serving me unconditionally. Using them as an ashtray or a urinal may be enough to fulfill them. It may be something they are adverse to but, knowing that they are pleasing me is all they need.

Then there are those for whom only physical pain can create the release they so desperately need. I've had subs and slaves who have thanked me for the physical pain because I made them do something they find oh so very difficult to do. That one thing is to cry. Many of these have been in professions in which they must refrain from showing their emotions (mostly in the medical profession). After the emotional release of crying they are very often so very happy, much happier than when they first came to me. They are happy to come to me for the pain they need and know they are going to receive. Although I do have to be creative in how I do this. The same old thing, time after time, does often not fulfill them. Physical pain is a must, but the way in which it is administered is the key to giving them fulfillment.

As you may have noticed after reading this missive that even though I am a dominant and sadist this is not totally about me. If I do not provide a fulfilling session, or life (if they are 24/7) then I will probably lose them to someone they feel can provide them with what they need.

For some, the act of kneeling and disrobing at the front door, with their head bowed, legs spread, and hands in the proper slave position (palms up and laid on their thighs), waiting for my command. This act of not only submission but also humiliation is often enough to give them some release. Letting them remain in that position for others to see may be enough to give them some release.

Through all this what I've been trying to say (and maybe doing a not as good a job as I was hoping) is that you, as I see it, are struggling with a mind over body issue. You want to submit, you have the desire to submit, but somewhere in your mind something is screaming NO! You may need to talk with you dom for a good amount of time and really open up to him about what your real concerns are and that even though you want to and maybe even enjoy, serving him, you need his help to find what is causing you to resist. I believe this is not so much a conscience thing as something in your sub-conscience that is causing this and by talking and being open you may be able to bring this concern into you conscience mind and find out how to really deal with this.

Sorry this is so long, but I felt that by explaining the different types of submission was necessary before providing an answer.

NCarraway​(dom male) • Jul 12, 2019

OP, does the subject of the post refer to just this physical position situation? I have assumed it does but are there more, different, examples like this?

Assuming its all about the uncomfortable hip-busting position ...

I think you really need to understand, or be comfortable with the reason of, why your Dom has you in a position like that. The only way to understand that is to discuss in detail. This can certainly be done respectfully and tactfully if you haven't already done so. A D type worth his salt will welcome such discussion, a D type who won't entertain communication on such issues is someone to be really careful of. So I imagine you are in good shape there.

Speaking from the other side of the fence I would want my girl to let me know of any issues she was having regarding discomfort and pain. It could be that your D is trying to train you in certain ways, it could be that this particular position is 'special' for him or you being able to do this is 'special' for him, or it could be that he is completely unaware that you are, or of why, you are finding it difficult. You knowing why you are expected to do this will allow you to react in a more context sensitive way.

For example, some girls react very favourably to sadism while some do not. Some girls, knowing that this is a position that the D hungers especially for, might see it as a challenge and find ways of practising/sustaining/making it work. It could be that your D has no reason for this and is just pushing you at your limit - and if this is the case you have to decide how you feel about this, especially if he knows of your discomfort.

As always, dialogue and communication are key to resolving this. Good luck.

I also note that the original post was a month ago so this may already be resolved.

Clearing things up

MegaGem​(sub female){Solidbobth} • Jul 12, 2019

The situation was, my Daddy wanted me to ride him. But I was not positioned right to do so. It had me squeezing my legs around him from the pain and I couldn't ride him like he told me to.

I tried to reposition myself in the middle of doing so and he wanted me to stay in place. Rightfully so, Daddy got mad because he thought I was trying to take control away from him. This wasn't the case, and I should have communicated with him better and used my safe words . But I was also fighting with the fact that I didn't want to displease him.

I have talked to him since this incident took place and we have found a solution to the issue.

But thank you all for the input, and for helping me understand that part of the problem was coming from my end. Not the fact that I didn't want to submit to him.