Protocol for being titled...

Protocol for being titled...

SisterSarah​(other female) • Sep 4, 2017

I am curious to know what the protocol is for being titled a Dom. There are several young people that claim that they are a Dom. Is there any training involved by an experienced Dom? And what are some characteristics that one can look for to be able to know the wannabe's and the real thing?

Stranger • Sep 4, 2017

Lol no ...it's more complicated than that sister

SisterSarah​(other female) • Sep 4, 2017

That's why I asked. Please tell

Stranger • Sep 4, 2017

Well it depends on the sub I guess....some subs require different doms than others....it's personal preference

OlsUSNavy{None} • Sep 4, 2017

There's no regimen or recognized discipline that teaches one to be Dominant. Pardon the pun.

As with a submissive, this is a characteristic of ones inherent ego.

A pseudo DOM will be squeamish about discipline or overzealous in dispensing punishment.

A true D will mentor and teach before discipline.

FabSeverus​(dom male) • Sep 4, 2017

No youngster should be called Dom, not until they had a life anyway.. so I guess under 40 are not entitled to be called or be a Dom.
They are just abuser....

SisterSarah​(other female) • Sep 4, 2017

Ok, so how about the different titles that a sub can have such as collared by, or protected by... How does that happen?

FabSeverus​(dom male) • Sep 4, 2017

Collared by, so he/she's owned by a dom/master/sir etc...usually happen after few month of relationship and session under contract. If you feel trust and bond is there, then you decided to be collared. Or if the Master is already recognised as such by his experience, proven trust by others, could just accept you as his Sub, then be collared.
Protected by, so he/shes trained, chaperonned, educated by a kinskter friend, mentor, or a Master who hasnt decided to own you but just train you.
If that make sense to you. Sorry english is my second language.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Sep 4, 2017

A dom can start off as not a dom and struggle with it. These can be seen as "fakes". Some can be. Not all however. Infact the best dom I've ever had struggled with me at first. It was ME that got them into it. And they cared enough to do it.

I'll say this. They were VERY good at it, despite a few early splutters at the start. It doesn't just need "Experience with other people" (that can help but it doesn't make or break things). It needs "Experience with YOU". Everyone goes about it differently after all. You might want to play safe. Maybe another you happen to care about is into danger. Maybe that's something that needs to be compromised on, among other things. Etc, etc. Personally I'm into being "forced" into things and the harsh treatment. This can carry concerns. When this happens I take note of risks and why I might need certain dangers. I am trusted on it and supported in it. This in turn brings me closer to the dom due to said support.

Now I'm a lifestyle sub. I'm ALWAYS a sub due to this. But what's just as important is to keep the "other person" in mind. In this case "other person" started off as "Someone that is not yet an owner". In only a week of constant communication and focusing on each other it lead to a longer period of time together of trust and support and them becoming a lifestyle dom. They didn't just "Become a dom". They became one for me. Even if they had been a dom already though they would have been domming me in "my" ways as well as their own. To be able to "Handle" me. You can't make a contract for that. It's impossible A contract can help provide a general picture but that's it. There are reasons for how we go about things. Which affect others things with other reasons. It all needs keeping in mind yet also breaking down to be made sense of. eg: Mental masochist into fearplay because of a past history about angry ex in my face in the past yet now I'm one of the few people she can open up too because facing fear and hate without holding a grudge back can bring people closer. There are reasons and then there are "reasons". Sometimes a reason can be unknown but that doesn't mean a reason isn't there. It just might not have been detected yet. What reason could I have for enjoying being forced into things? Simple really. Past about doing it in the bad way. But I also know it can be done in a good and fun way. A more "allowed" way that builds up trust when someone springs something on me and trusts me that it's a good thing to do, not a bad one.

What makes a dom? The same thing that makes a sub. To be brave for another. To be able to face your own fears and trust that another needs to be handled in their way. Not just the ways you want to treat them alone. Dom handles sub. Sub looks after dom. Any dom that realises that and keeps me in mind and looks after my happiness gets to do their ways as well. When someone looks after all of my needs I look after all of another persons. a "good" dom handles a sub to the point where they want to look after them back. A "bad" dom might simply be struggling with that and can still be getting a hang of how to treat you. But that doesn't mean they're "fake". It simply means they need to keep you in mind. Can be easier said then done. Many people have trust issues or/and lack experience. These are barriers. They can be overcome. You won't magically find "The perfect dom" (or sub for that matter). But you can "Mould" each other. To want to change not just for each other but also yourselves. So that you can better look after each other. Which doesn't mean having to change how you do things with others. If, for example, a dom has another sub, that might need a more gentle approach. I'm still into the harsh stuff. The other sub would of course need a more gentle touch. I need a more gentle touch at times too of course but the harsh might be absent with another sub. Basically a person only changes depending on company and circumstance. With me and a dom it's "between us". With them and another sub it would be "between them". Unless we're all together in which case "Between all three of us". But even there I'm the more harsh one. With my own way to be handled. While others need their own ways to be handled.

In some ways I make a good dom. I'm very very good at handling people. Handling their drama and fears and helping fix things. Taking note of how different they are. But I'm not a dom, I'm a sub. I can direct and lead but I need to be put on the spot and put in line. I CAN dom but I need to be sub. Which means I'd only do that if I'm already a sub to an owner. It's not being selfish, it's making sure I get my needs met before looking out for the needs of another as well. I consider that fair. Some people might say I'm a "bad" dom because I don't allow myself to be "shared" (as if I'm theirs without consent to begin with. Hmph. I digress). Others might say I'm a "good" dom because I go out of my way to look after their needs while making sure I get mine met. A sub can often come across as dominant at first because of this. A sub can after all risk being taken advantage of as can a dom and such trust needs to be established and built up.

What separates "real" doms from the fakes? Trust. That's what. Without that it all falls apart.

Il Principe​(dom male) • Sep 25, 2017

As already told, we, in italy, use a different meaning.

A Dom can declare himself as such. I can walk in and say "I'm a Dom.". Noone will argue on it. Then, a Dom who do something get a title:
Master if he owns a slave,
Daddy if he own a little,
ecc....