Tell Me All About Real Doms

Tell Me All About Real Doms

SSG{ENM-TLP} • Jul 10, 2019

Taken from Blogs: Her Side: SensualSubGirl

TELL ME ALL ABOUT DOMS

When I was planning this post, I couldn't get this song out of my mind. I do feel this way when trying to find real Doms among the DomWannaBes. I have read a number of posts written by subs and Doms here. The general consensus is for subs new to "The Cage," to use caution when choosing a Dom. Can I tell you just how difficult that is? Even the Wannabes read your blog posts, so they know just the right things to say (it doesn't mean they know how to practice it), so I am going to ask the ...

Real Doms and Daddy Doms (male or female) out there to PLEASE STAND UP

Comment Below with what a new sub should look for in an experienced Dom? All Doms feel they've been dominant their entire life. It doesn't mean they really know how to treat a sub. Tell us what we should be looking for. What constitutes an "experienced and trusted" Dom?

If you're available to take on subs, could you please introduce yourself, where you are from, and share your D/s dynamic. What are you like as a Dom? What do you look for a in a sub? If you could say anything to your ideal sub to make her know you are her Dom, what would you say to her post it in a comment below.

https://youtu.be/eJO5HU_7_1w

Bishop​(dom male) • Jul 10, 2019

I don’t know that I would say I’ve been a Dom my entire life, but I believe I do have certain qualities that I have developed and discovered over time that leads me to believe I am a Dom. I think a real Dom would be patient, caring, supportive, a good listener, compassionate, willing and ready to put his subs needs before his (forgive the gender specifics). A real Dom, in my opinion, would not try to dominate, demand, or dictate things to a sub until the time came when she WANTED and chooses to submit to the Dom. The real Dom, in my opinion, would encourage healthy communication and make it a priority to really understand the submissive. The Dom must respect the submissive, honor limits and boundaries, and show the submissive, by example, that the Dom holds himself (or herself) to a higher standard. I think “Doms” who demand pictures right away, or insist on having their needs (read:wants) immediately known and fulfilled should be avoided. I’m a person who believes the more a person brags about something, the less likely it is to be true. But all this is just my opinion, there are likely to be very good doms around who think quite differently.

Mistress Maree​(dom female){Non} • Jul 10, 2019

As a real Domme I would advise do your research, ask question both from the Dom/me and the ask in the chat room if anyone know of the Dom/me.

Anyone trying to demand thing from you immediately probably isn’t a “real” Dom/me. They should be patient take their time to know you put you at ease. If it’s going to be real life scenario I would want to meet in a public place several times before playing. Also ask around at munches and events and clubs ie your real life scene if anyone knows them. Site like the cage and fetlife provide good platforms to meet like minded people.

As I am not online Domme I cannot advise on online.

Just be careful to look for warning sign red flags as there called and go with gut instincts keep safe.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jul 13, 2019

I get confused with the word real.

I find that the concept is something that we use to beat each other up.
Or say we are "better then".

Ive been doing M/s 24/7 for going on 18 years. I am an accomplished BDSM author and BDSM event organizer.
All that aside there are still people that say I am a fake, wanna be, ect...

So I hesitate when I read the word real.

My question back to you is :
What makes someone real-- FOR YOU.

What should a new sub look for in an experienced Dom/me?
In my opinion -a D type that is social and has a social history. Ppl know this person. A D type that wants the sub to meet others and isnt intimidated when the s type is socially active.


What constitutes an experienced and trusted D type?

In my opinion experience is separate than Trust. You can have a shitload of experience and still not be trustworthy. You can be completely trustworthy and have no experience. You can have both and how that D type communicates and or plays isn't appropriate for you. You don't know if somebody is trustworthy until you test it, you. Someone can have a stellar reputation but once you're in a relationship with them you find out that maybe they aren't so trustworthy.


You can have somebody who's extremely experienced however how they play doesn't work with you.

So I stepped back when it comes to the words experience and trustworthy. I find that those two things are internal experiences. And you will never know that about a person unless you get to know them and play with them.



I am Master identified. I've been in a real time relationship with my slave for about the last 18 years.

I'm open to having internet relationships with other slaves.
I am also open to having other slaves for events.


I don't do brats.

Soulweaver​(dom male) • Jul 14, 2019

@SensualSubGirl​(sub female)

You are correct the "instadoms" (not my phrase, but coined by someone I know and respect ) DO read these posts and not all of them are pre-teen roleplayers nor stupid. Therefore it can be exceedingly difficult to separate the wheat from the chaff. However, the same can be said about on-line dating in general and this really isn't any different. But, to be honest asking "the real Dom/mes to stand up" is not going to get you what you are seeking. I could fill this post with the most paddle/flogger/crop filled bullshit, make it sound all nice and perhaps get you wetter than an English umbrella, that still won't tell you want you want/need to know.

What you want to know can really only be sussed out by speaking with someone for a decent period of time. Those conversations should involve all sorts of information, not just be sexting, hot phone or wham, bam, thank you ma'am sessions. In MY opinion, a "real" (although "real" is very subjective) Dom/me is going to want to know some pretty mundane information about you, your likes/dislikes, gauge/test your reactions, will offer patience, respect, be trustworthy, honest/forthcoming and will honor your limits without question. All the while be willing to give you the very same information they are asking for, without question. But, having said that, that applies to ME and only ME, I am willing to bet that no other Dom/me will meet that exact test, as we are ALL individuals. That doesn't mean that I am any more real than they are or vice versa.

I am a strong believer that one should follow their intuition and if something doesn't feel "right" to trust their intuition, as it probably is going to be right more often than not. Yes, this is more difficult when one is young/new/horny/etc. and possibly in "sub-frenzy," (not that I am saying this is a description of you) but please trust me, rushing into anything that may potentially put your safety or health at risk, is never a good bet. I truly recommend that if you want to find a "real" Dom/me, take some time, get to know some of the submissives that frequent this board. They can more than likely get you caught up with who the "serial" Dom/mes are, who's on the other end and just in general, give you the lay of the land from a safer perspective.

But, at some point if you truly want to find someone, you will have to "dip your toes" in, either here or in r/l. Just take it slow, trust that intuition and listen/watch to everything said AND done. I truly believe that the way someone conducts themselves around others, both online and in r/l, will tell you more about them, then anything they will ever tell you from their mouth. If someone acts one way around others (or in public) and another when in private, I would tend to think of that as a huge red flag. But, again that is only something that applies to me, others may not think that is anything meaningful? The MOST important thing is (and I am repeating myself here for effect) take. your. time.

Oh and to answer the last part of your post. I am not available, nor looking. I do wish you the best, good luck and have fun!

Re: Tell Me All About Real Doms

Daddy Zo​(dom male){Goodgirly} • Jul 14, 2019

Hello all . I am from Austin Tx. I am building a Sub/Switch/little/Pet Family . To ANY future Subs, I dont know if I am right for you , that would be one of the last things you would decide . I have to earn what is given and that will take time as any good thing earned will.
I have been a Dominant person my whole life but not in this fashion.
I recently learned about this world with the help of a princess. I learned and earned my way in . Ots been 3 years now and still going strong.
I generally stay away from Subs that want to give Submission without me feeling I have earned it . Gives me the impression that it is not treated as a gift .
I currently live a 24/7 life style. The vanilla life creeps in as it will . But when it's time to play or I see a moment, I take it . It is mine after all .
There are many Doms that play the collar very quickly and i am not sure on there interpretation of it but my way i feel has meaning and wont give a collar to anyone unless i see long term potential.

This world is my salvation, my Sub or little are my life. Give me a chance to unlock your heart so that all your secrets will be mine along with your dark desire.

Real Dom

overmyknee​(dom male) • Aug 20, 2019

Do I think there are real Doms and Fake Doms? I do but not to the extent you may be thinking. I think there are experienced Doms and inexperienced Doms. The fake Doms or Subs are those who would attempt to use the lifestyle in a shady way, for instance men will sometimes use the lifestyle to get laid.
When someone approaches me with this question my advice to them is to worry more about the type of sub they are. If you get involved with a Dom and you realize they are not what your looking for, walk away.
I live the Domestic Discipline lifestyle for me the lifestyle isn't about playtime but based on rules and consequences. I feel I am a loving Dom, I realize the the gift of submission is just that a gift. I look at the dynamic like driving down the road, the submissive is the road and the Dom is the vehicle that will get the submissive to her destination. Would you drive down just any road or jump into any vehicle? Of course not.
A real Dom knows they are not a Dictator, the only power they have is what the submissive gives them.
I am single in Minnesota, I could write a book on the type of Dominant I am and the submissive that I'm looking for, but I'd rather have that discussion as we get to know each other.

The Maestro • Aug 20, 2019

I personally don’t like the word real or fake . It’s honestly nothing more than bad behavior that separates us all . Men and women. There are a lot of games that go on. Talking to one while hoping for another . Coming out of a marriage or breakup . There is sub frenzy as well as Dom frenzy where you own the girl the second day you talk . Please.... you can’t possibly even know each other . Then the break up and gossip and Dom or sub bashing . It’s all behavior oriented.
This is no different than dating . You talk a lot . Get to know each other . Be honest mostly with who you are . Good and bad things tend to work themselves out . At the very least you should have found a friend you enjoy talking too.
We have to stop the expectations . Nobody can save you. Fix you . And most of nobody can make you happy all the time . We are all accountable for ourselves .

SSG{ENM-TLP} • Aug 20, 2019

For those who are offended by the word "Fake," let me elaborate a bit on my definition of "fake."

Fake = Pretending to be interested in being a D/DD/M for the wrong motives.

I was merely looking for those who are truly here with the right motives and who is looking for subs who are here with the right motives. (I realize that "fake" definition plays both ways, but I'm not looking for a sub, so my post only focuses on what I WAS looking for) Now, I don't have to worry about that because I have a DD and He keeps me safe, but as someone who loves this community and would like to help it grow and be healthy, I appreciate those of you who have commented and shared your dynamic for those subs/slaves who are still looking for a home.

Thank you, and know that you can be a beginner pursuing the life or a veteran with a full bdsm house, and I have the utmost respect for those of you who have educated yourself on how to be the best at what you do for us, as we continue to study and prepare ourselves to be our best for you.

Respectfully,

ssg

Little momma​(sub female) • Aug 21, 2019

Just like in the vanilla world you'll find those who are truthful and those who are not. I found that a lot when I first joined the site. One particular dom (purposefully not capitalized) was telling me he cared about me, loved me, wanted to take care of me within 36 hours of our first conversation. This was a person who did not want to invest in getting to know me, the person, and just wanted what I could give, my submission.

Please also keep in mind the Dom that doesn't work for you may be the perfect Dom for another. Ask questions, ask questions, and ask more questions. Ask about previous subs and why they aren't together anymore. Ask about His vanilla life, what He likes to eat, how He spends His free time, what type of work He does, even ask if He has any gross habits. He should be asking you the same questions. Be able to laugh with Him and let a level of comfort grow so you can talk about anything.

Remember this is a job interview; you are going to "hire" this person to be your Dom. Check references (previous subs) and ask for their side of why they are no longer with Him.