(sub) drop

(sub) drop

Kinkylocs​(switch female){Who cares} • Sep 5, 2017

So, it seems that there's a fair amount of Dom's and even subs who don't know about a little thing called sub drop.

No, it doesn't happen with everyone.
Yes, it can effect more than just subs, and women for that matter (why I put "sub" in parentheses).
Perhaps you should consider if it's more than your sub just needing some "time off" or "less rules"

So for those of you unfamiliar, sub drop is very similar to a crash from a high. When we're playing, the intense stimulus that often comes from BDSM can create quite an endorphin rush. Well, as our brains settle back into it's normal flow of neurochemicals, this decrease in endorphins can cause depression like feelings, and may even lead to depression if not addressed by a sub or their Dom. For those of you familiar with the drug exstacy, it would be similar to the not-so-great feeling you get the next day.

This drop may also come about due to some of the more itense mental play, like objectification, degradation; humiliation, and then not getting enough aftercare, whatever that looks like for you/your sub.

It was suggested to me that a gradual decline of endorphins can be helpful in reducing sub drop, so things like reassuring touchs and words, soft cozy blankets, dark chocolate (cannabinoids), listening to some of your favorite music (maybe dancing around). Mostly, getting that reassuring feeling that even though this kinky time is over, you are a valued human being, who's feelings and mental well being is important.

And, sure, this may not be every person's needs after a scene, but I'd challenge Dom's and subs alike to evaluate what they're doing after a scene, how it's contributing to any post-feelings, and think of what they could do to assist in deminishing this drop.

Anyone with additional knowledge and tips care to chime in? ?

Lady_Sin_of_NOLA​(switch female) • Sep 23, 2017

This is very accurate and true,I personally have experienced sub drop as both a hybrid slave and even as a Master.its very similar to an adrinalne rush enducing endorphins that without the proper attention in after care,can lead to dangerous emotions and worse,mental break down(submissive roles are more likely to be at risk to the effects of sub drop and highly look towards their Masters with expectation He or She acknowledges their responsibility in providing the imdiate and proper care before and after anything done.Its high protocol that should not be ignored/shrugged off and is placed for more than ones safety. ☺

Villanelle​(staff) • Sep 23, 2017

Dominant drop is a thing too! As is dom/me space. I've experienced both. Heading out for the day so I will have to expand on this further later but hope others will chime in. Great topic!

Bella duPuy​(sub female){Not lookin} • Sep 24, 2017

This is all still so new to me. i'm just sitting back and reading everything and everyone. Taking it aaaaalll in ... #mindblowing ...

d20domme​(dom female) • Sep 24, 2017

For now, my partner and I are long distance and practice erotic hypnosis often. Last week, he experienced extreme sub-drop after listening to one of our my sessions and it was hard to help from afar. However, there are ways....he was instructed to lie down and talk to me about his feelings. I then offered positive feedback, listened, reminded him that he had a shirt of mine to snuggle if needed and was there as best as I could be.

So, remember that it can happen not in person as well.

Top drop is the same thing but for tops. I've felt this many times after large scale events, intense scenes, and elongated play. It comes at me with a mixture of exhaustion and endorphin slow-down.

Erotic Hypnosis

Bella duPuy​(sub female){Not lookin} • Sep 24, 2017

What is this, d20Dom?

Dhalia​(sub female) • Sep 26, 2017

There is an article on my page that is worth the read. It definitely made me watch myself and my emotions carefully after having limits pushed or finding myself being antsy and unable to focus.

SkinTightLatex​(switch gender fluid) • Sep 27, 2017

I have made the mistake of not being aware of this as it was occurring following a play session with a partner. I underestimated how it would affect her as we were engaged in relatively light play however I did not communicate as well as I should have afterward and it resulted in some significant tension that took several weeks to resolve and many lengthy conversations. I can stress enough how important aftercare is as well as open and fluid communication before, during, and after, any session in order to continue to grow and maintain trust within our relationships with our partners.

Top drop and sub drop

Silver​(sub female){not intere} • Sep 29, 2017

As a long distance sub after care has been a really tough issue for me. i usually meet my Domly for a week at a time and W/we engage in intense sometimes extreme play and then suddenly i get on a plane surrounded by strangers and so starts my drop. and so its very hard when you cant get that reassuring hug because of the distance.
And thank you everyone for the confirmation of Top space and Top drop. it used to be important to me that Sir acknowledge that He hits a space on His own and that He withdrawals for a time afterwards where He seems to be within Himself. But it isnt important anymore.
My focus now has turned to helping other subs and bottoms understand what is happening to them and their Domly so that they arent as devastated when it comes to ending playtime especially if they are long distance.
my Sir is poly and this is the reason why i am speaking out. Its human nature for us to try to extend an emotional high when W/we are experiencing one. hense the basis for addictions. i used to get really angry because i caught on that once Sir puts a play partner back on the plane or just generally seperates from them then He immediately calls one of the others in the attempt to further His emotional high. and i know it for a fact because i am always the one He calls when He seperates from one of the others.
so i know that once i shut my phone off as the plane is getting ready to take off....Sir is already calling someone else to try to keep His emotional high going. and honestly that is one issue that still intensely pisses me off. and it also pisses me off when He calls me when He has left one of the others because it makes me feel like i am nothing but sloppy seconds. and so since He is not likely to stop being poly there is still a lot of work for me to do. and i dont know if its a good idea or not but i have this rule about when He leaves one of the others....now i wont pick up the phone and answer until the sun has gone down on the day He seperates from the other. feeling like i am sloppy seconds...or just seconds in general makes me feel unclean and like a whore.
and please its not like i havent considered terminating the relationship. i cant. He is the great love of my life. and we all know how hard it is to find a well matched play partner for ourselves. the only way im seperating from Sir is in death.
having an article of your Domly's clothing is something W/we have done for a number of years now. Used to be when He was with one of the others that i would sleep in it because He would normally tuck me in at night and when He is with one of the others there is complete phone silence between U/us. So the shirt was created with His sweat and His scent on it and it was intended to be a substitute for Him. And its stored in a baggie between uses to keep His scent strong on it. And He has sent them to some of the others and it helps them as well.
i stopped being tucked in at night because i was too emotionally dependent on it and i would get really pissy about not getting tucked in when He is with one of the others. So i asked Sir to stop it. and when Sir is occupied with one of the others i find ways to entertain myself and keep myself busy.
but regardless of the problems the benefits are well worth investing the time and energy on these relationships. you just have to find your balance.

Jessica_Jewlz​(sub female) • Oct 4, 2017

What is a hybrid slave?