It’s annoying

MasterBear​(other butch) • Oct 11, 2019

Hello!


It can be difficult for a single male to get a foot hold in a community.

I have some questions:

1) do you go to your local events?
2) how long have you been in BDSM?
3) What do you bring to someone's table?
4) do you seek friendships outside of s type females?

wynd​(sub female){Not Lookin} • Oct 12, 2019

I’m going to second Master Bears sentiments and expand with some extra advice on them.

Hopefully you can distance yourself from your defensive feelings and take an objective look.

Everyone who has responded to your thread has taken THEIR time to advise you of what they see as what they think could be potential problems and have offered suggestions. Your response has been yea BUT and then you tried to justify it.

Here’s a few additional thoughts from me from MB’s list.

1. If you haven’t attended any local events find them and go, but do so wisely. You should go with very few expectations other than get to know some strangers who have a common interest.

Say hello introduce yourself with a smile on your face and with non hostile body language. Make friendly conversation but don’t over do it.

Do NOT under any circumstances have the expectation of finding a female s type. Do NOT scout out women.

Do not brag or exaggerate about how much experience you do have.

Expect that people are going to be cautious in the process of getting to know you, because they should be.

Be humble, more experienced male doms and female submissives within the local community are going to be watching you and how you interact with people. If you behave as a gentleman on a consistent basis people will begin to warm up to you and if this happens you may find more experienced doms are going to be willing to help you as you journey through this.



2. Look deep inside yourself on this one while you may have felt this way for a very long time it doesn’t equate into how long you have been into it.


3. This is so very important for EVERYONE not only dominants to do but don’t be arrogant or boastful about it.

4. If you don’t then I am going to say you are probably going to have problems with being involved in your local community.

If I look at your profile and see you only comment on s type females posts or blogs or if you only talk to s. females in chat, you only speak to females at events that tells me you are “here” to find a skirt only and if I was even a little bit interested that kill that interest for me.


Good Luck!

Master WillTheCage​(dom male) • Oct 12, 2019

I fully understand where he is coming from, this is not the first site I visited and had the same problems.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Oct 12, 2019

@Master WillTheCage​ The problem is not the submissives here, but the approaches of the doms. As I said to the OP look to yourselves, and how you make approaches. The problem is not the subs.

wynd​(sub female){Not Lookin} • Oct 12, 2019

@Will

I can understand why you are having problems as well

Your first sentence says it all. If I was in your area and looking I would read the first sentence and determine that I wasn’t interested.


That’s not me being mean or rude it’s just a factual statement.

What do you do with your life other than being a Dom or when you don’t have a submissive?


Be genuine be real and don’t take yourself so seriously.

Zedland​(dom male) • Oct 12, 2019

The subs here are fine for the most part. In a relationship where the optimal outcome involves them hogtied on a bed as you stand over them with a whip they are righ to be picky.

There is already plenty of fine advice on this thread. Go out and get involved in the community, don't pursue someone until they block you, and have a passion outside having a sub are all things you should do. I would add one more tidbit. Be confidant, not arrogant and yes there is a difference. Approach people politely with a smile, look them in the eye. On here feel free to say hi, but never be under the assumption that saying hello entitles you to anything more. Women respond well to confidence, they can even understand when we are petulant children sometimes, but desperation is anathema to them.

Re: It’s annoying

Al Le Gory​(sadist female) • Oct 13, 2019

Apart from the BDSM Test results your profile says very little about you. At least you have some text and a clear face pic - which is more than most on here.

You do come across as pushy and desperate which are rather repellent traits. You asked for advice and then chose to ignore any advice given. This is an exercise in futility.

Pull your head out of your sphincter, have a good look at the reflection in the mirror and reconsider your stance. If you want to truly connect with people and find that someone special climb down off that pedestal you have put yourself on, work on your social skills and get out into the real world instead of wasting time online.

rickeyboy • Oct 13, 2019

I'm far from a expert on being dominant.But as a submissive I searched for years to finally find the right Domme for me.I spoke with and made friends with lots of woman and even though they were not necessarily interested at the time I continued chatting small talk with them. And then all of a sudden the last woman I every thought would want me broke up with her Sub and she ended up inviting me to her home. She's absolutely perfect for me in every way and I'll worship her until the day I die.

sweet november​(sub female) • Oct 14, 2019

Woe....the OP has taken some advice, re fixing his collar.

Why you are blocked, I don't know because I don't know what you say in your approach.

As mentioned before, put more interests on your profile and the "no limits" has been told to look at as a red flag by many.

You could put something like "limits to be discussed by my future sub and I , however I will always respect my subs limit"

Otherwise, your age...28...is not the problem, I would think.

Do more research, what do you mean by "princess"?not every sub wants to be a princess.

Otherwise I do see that you've taken some advice. You most certainly do not have to take every piece of advice.

I'd try to get to know a more experienced Dom by going to local munches as @MasterBear said, as that would be an awesome opportunity!

Bastalyse​(dom female) • Oct 15, 2019

I'm going to be completely honest, I'm not trying to be rude.
From reading your responses, you sound like the "nice guy".

The one that just because you were decent to a sub or showed them attention they should be willing to engage in some sort of relationship with you.