Rules

Do you believe that rules are a fundamental part of a Dom/Sub or Master/Slave relationship or do you think they aren't necessary, what rules do you use or not use?

I don't really have hardly any rules. My Domme doesn't really have set rules but there's kind of ones where it's just understood that it's a rule. Mostly it's just She tells me to do something and I do it. My rules are like when I was starting out. 1. Call Her Miss
2. Tell Her good morning and goodnight
3. Always get permission before cumming
There's a sort of unspoken rule that I have to come to Her when something is wrong and I'm supposed to be working on thinking more positively.
I think the rules can be important and can really help some dynamics but I dont think they are absolutely 100% necessary. Although, that said, I do think the 3 that I mentioned should be a part of every dynamic because they are what helps to establish the dynamic.

I agree with TheLittlePrincess. Every dynamic has different ways to progress. For the ones that require strict orders to follow at all times, to the ones that only have a few main unbreakable rules, there is no right or wrong. You do what brings out the best in yourself.

I've never really liked rules. They, eventually, become too restrictive for both the sub and the Dom. Also, if there are rules set in place and I want to change the rules, then I will, more than likely, get into a beef with my sub if she doesn't like or want the changes. In that regard, I'm also not one to issue "commands." I would really much rather just state what I want done and if there is a time frame than I will also state that. If there is not a time frame attached then the statement is to be done immediately. Honestly, some of my subs/slaves have told me that when I want something done it comes across so politely that it almost seems to be a suggestion rather than an order. I don't enjoy having to raise my voice but if the situation calls for it I can. I've had some of my subs/slaves tell me that they are more fearful of the look on my face, when I'm angry, than they are of me raising my voice.

I feel this is what makes the difference between a Dom and a Good Dom. One who is able to control with a look rather than a forceful command.

@ GagFan,

“Do you believe that rules are a fundamental part of a Dom/Sub or Master/Slave relationship or do you think they aren't necessary, what rules do you use or not use?”


An interesting thing I have come to learn about rules is the mindset related to them. I once believed that following rules was an indicator of submission. The more rules the better. Jumping through hoops to prove my dedication and to show how focused I was on being the best submissive I could be for my dominant.

After some time I realised that for me it’s no longer about theatrics. All I have to do to be a good submissive is to simply obey my Master. Lol, it’s taken me a long time to understand such a simple concept. The simplicity is what threw me... I thought it had to be difficult.

I still have rules, and no doubt will have many more... however it’s no longer because I want/need them in order to feel or believe that I’m a submissive... it’s simply based on those He feels are necessary.

Rules are important in MY M/s relationship.

How everyone else does there's is up to them.

I think though that rules and boundaries are important for any relationship to be successful.

Some amount of rules is important but how many and how you categorize them is up to the parties involved.

For example, I am expected to call my Sir “Sir”. But is this a rule or just an agreement? You could say it’s a rule because he told me to call him Sir, I always do, and if I didn’t he would be upset and there would probably be repercussions of some kind. But you could also argue that it isnt a rule because he never specifically said it was a “rule” nor has he said what the punishment would be, if any, if I failed to call him Sir.

So basically what I’m saying is that any D/s M/s relationship needs agreements and parameters (for example agreeing on titles, power exchange, limits, etc) but whether you consider these to be “rules” is up to you.

To be clear, some rules are undeniably rules. Doms may verbally give clear cut and dry rules or even give you a written list. That can be helpful is some cases but isn’t necessary for every dynamic.

I’ve had very clear cut rules with former Doms and found them to be helpful, maybe even necessary for those arrangements. But the majority of my Sir’s “rules” tend to be more like agreements and understandings between us rather than all black and white. We’ve found that our personal relationship thrives when I can be authentic and that authenticity gets stifled when I’m bogged down with too many rules. We both know and understand that if he wants something he only needs to ask and if he doesn’t like a behavior he only needs to say so and I will correct it. “Rules” aren’t necessarily required.

I agree with most of the responses here. The thing is that you have trust in your partner whether there are rules or not. Personally, I feel that rules and rituals are a vital part of the Dom/sub dynamic especially when dealing with brats and littles. Without rules and consequences, what is the point? If you are a Dom do you want your sub Topping from the bottom on you? Do you want them manipulating you to get what they want at the expense of your dominance?

How strict or lenient you are is dependent on so many variables but i think that trust is the most important. Ultimately you have to decide as a sub, do these rules/rituals help with my submission to mold me into a better version of myself; and as a Dom, do these rules/rituals help my sub?

I don't think there is a right or wrong way to do things in this space as long as it follows SSC.

This made me smile to read. I’m currently in the process of learning/accepting this.

At times I’ve felt like I’m lacking in my submission because it feels almost too easy. Like everything is going so smoothly and it isn’t strenuous enough or taking great sacrifices and therefore I must not be giving enough of myself or must not be submissive enough.

But then I ask myself: Is Sir happy? Do I obey when he asks me to do something? Am I accepting of his guidance and corrections? Do I willingly submit and offer my mind, body, and heart to him daily? Do I look for ways to please him even when he hasn’t asked? Do I defer to him for decisions? The answer to all of these things is yes, and that is submission at its core.

@ Chocolate Thunder,

“Personally, I feel that rules and rituals are a vital part of the Dom/sub dynamic especially when dealing with brats and littles.”

I agree. My Little aspect definitely needs that structure to feel safe and to know what the boundaries are. Consequences are an important process in my learning.


AKittenforSir,

“I’m currently in the process of learning/accepting this.”

I’m really happy to hear this for you