Less attractive?

Azzabackam​(switch male){PawPawGirl} • Nov 6, 2019

This is a problem as old as the human race itself, and the answer is totally subjective.

Yes, some people find scars, flab, and stretch marks unsightly or unattractive.

And unless your partner(s) happens to be one of those people, it really doesn't matter. How you view yourself is most important, first and foremost, and based on your replies here, it seems like you have an overall positive self-image. Which is fantastic, you go girl! It also sounds like you suffer from the same self-conscious thoughts everyone has. Literally, everyone. That perfectly sculpted body builder with a 24 pack for an abdomen and triceps the size of a buffalo's leg? Yeah, he worries about whether he's attractive or not. That model with a waist you could encircle with your hands? Yep, her too. There's no escaping it, short of being a raging ego-maniac.

I could throw in my two cents, say I find them attractive (which I do), etc., but overall, that won't help. What *will* is finding a way to cope with, and subdue, these thoughts when they appear. If you find that they complicate your day-to-day life, or generally bring down your quality of life, you may have issues deeply rooted enough to necessitate personal therapy. Which I recommend on personal experience. Otherwise, there's a *world* of literature and support groups out there around helping people, especially women, deal with their self-consciousness in regards to their attractiveness.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Nov 6, 2019

Less physically attractive?

To me, no.

But I dont date people with kids at home.

My first wife had a young daughter.
Never again.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Nov 6, 2019

"My stretch marks are my tiger stripes."

Damnit Invisible! You stole my line!

When I was pregnant, I said that if I got stretch marks, I wanted to get them tattooed into tiger stripes. Unfortunately, I didn't get them.

You are a woman. Your body created an entire human! That is something ONLY a woman can do. You are AMAZING and men, especially mature Doms recognize that and worship that. It sets us apart from them. It is the ONE THING that we can do that they can't.....grow life.

Everyone is unique. What is YOUR uniqueness? Glorify that and the rest of you is just a container that contains it all. It is a shell. Find something you love about yourself and magnify it within yourself and you will start to see yourself in a better light. Beauty radiates from the inside, out...NOT the other way around.

Duke Montefort​(dom male) • Nov 7, 2019

Having a child does not make you less attractive. Only means the dom has to be more mature and careful. I look for a wife/sub. I have to an adult around the child. There might be less dom/sub, but you can use that time to build family bonds. Where there is a will there is a way around it without hurting the child. You work with the realties you have to make it better.

HGB​(sub female){Scottish M} • Nov 8, 2019

Oh try not to be so hard on yourself. I speak from experience, I over think constantly. I am trying to not do it so much, I have gotten better and when I do I let someone know so I can talk sense into myself. Yes generally once I hear the crap out loud I realize just how bad it sounds and wouldn't talk to a friend that way. I occasionally have insecurities regarding my belly but you know what. I am me, I am who I am genetically, physically, etc. I have never been a size 2 not even as a child. Anyone who wants to criticize me then can walk a mile in my shoes and tell me how they would have done anything differently. And just because a child came out of there doesn't mean it stays that size. You are you, be proud of who you are. If nothing else fake it till you make it.

SirPain​(dom male) • Nov 8, 2019

When I was nine years old I was in a very bad car crash. I had my neck and right jaw broken and three TBI's (back then they were called major concussions). I looked so bad that when I went into my mothers room her first question was, "Little boy, where's your mother?" That's when my father came in and told her who I was.

I was ridiculed mercilessly for the way I looked. Not only by my class mates but also by my own brother and sister. I had no idea of just how bad I looked but knew that it must have been horrible.

Because of the three TBI's I had short term memory loss for about ten years and doubted myself at every turn. There was even a time when my mother asked me "Why can't you make good grades like your brother and sister?" Of course I had no idea that the TBI's were the reason. I felt as if I would never be as good as my brother (he had all the girls falling all over him) or sister. They both were A/B students and I was lucky to barely pass with a D. I was "retained" in the third grade because I had no memory of what happened or what subjects I had in school until the next year. I wasn't just shy, I doubted that I would ever be able to find a girl/woman who could even want to go out with me or who could love me.

It finally dawned on me that I might just be good looking when I was coming out of the state fair and several girls asked me if I was related to a (at the time) famous movie star. This one thing really boosted my ego, for a time.

Today, due to many medical conditions, I still feel I'm not that good looking, primarily because I'm about 70 pounds overweight. Of course the fact that next month (December 2019) I'll be turning 70 doesn't help matters either.

BUT! I still love myself and think I'm a great man. Do I have doubts sometimes? Of course I do, but I try my very best to believe that I AM a great catch for any woman, especially my wife, who does love me and lets me know every day.

CrimsonRose • Nov 18, 2019

Preface, old school Army here.

Scars are the things left behind to show we made it through something difficult. We in the military, use to have to pin our rank on our collars, so when one increased in rank at the ceremony we would oft times leave the closures off and pound the spikes into the shoulders of those being promoted. Those scares were valued and showed what we had accomplished.

Since the BDSM community as an organization was the brain child of the WWII vets, is it any wonder that so many of us enjoy our markings, as they show what we have accomplished. Can't honestly think of stretch marks as anything but beautiful as they show the beginning of the most wonderful and challenging things one can do in life, be a parent. So my take is be proud of them. Had four children not a damn mark to prove it, such is the whimsy of genetics. Plenty of other scars but even those are not as evident on me as others, probably just hide in with the white skin tone I was given by genetics.

Bunnie • Nov 18, 2019

I watched a movie recently where the actress said something that really resonated with me... enough to even share it here

She placed her hand on her heart and said ‘this tells the story of our future.’ She then motioned to her face and said, ‘and this tells the story of our past.’

I agree completely. Our body tells the story of our life... every wrinkle, every scar, every mark, every tattoo, every piercing, every piece missing, every piece added or altered... tells the story of who we are and the path we’ve walked to get to that moment. I love it... not in a kinky way lol... but in a way that tells me the absolutely and totally unique story of the person before me. There’s a beauty in that.

And having said all of that... I can relate to what you’re saying, because as I was writing this I realised that I don’t hold myself to that beauty. Hmm 🤔

RopeBunnie​(sub female){Not Lookin} • Nov 19, 2019

I'm right there with you.. I have 2 biological children and have stretch marks, c-section scars, I honestly don't feel I'm very desirable... Not sure how to get past those thoughts, either...

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Nov 19, 2019

Have a little more faith in yourself and allow for faith in whoever you’re with. Honestly from my august perspective (perhaps only in my mind) stretch marks are the last detail I will notice, and that only in passing. I understand how you might feel, but consider all the rest of what you bring to the table. What you offer overshadows any stretch marks or scars you may think are detractions. We all have scars, just some are more visible than others. And as Bunnie points out above, every mark or scar tells a small story about who we are. It’s a map of our lives. Look at the entirety of who you are and then see the beauty. Have an excellent day!