Online Only

Online Only

almostpeachy​(sub female) • Nov 22, 2019

How does an online only relationship work? I feel like maybe I've dismissed what could be really great Doms because they were hundreds of miles away. I'm a single mom and in charge of everything. I honestly feel like adding a long distance Dom to the mix is just adding to my already full list of daily duties even though I long to submit to someone worthy. I am seeking a LTR/marriage so I'm sure that makes it hard.

Thanks

Bunnie • Nov 22, 2019

This has been discussed *a lot* here. It’s probably the most common topic. You’ll be lucky if it doesn’t turn into a debate and then argument and then finger pointing *eye roll* lol.

Hopefully by now most people here may have been able to move past that, and can give you some genuine feedback. I have experienced both online and in-person within this lifestyle, however, I haven’t found what I call my “forever home.” I found personally that online had its pros and cons (when I get a chance I’ll come back and share those).

I’m not in a position at the moment to be able to answer with any depth, however I’m sure you’ll get heaps of great responses explaining what you can get from online. I believe mentorship can work really well.

Anyway, the reason I responded despite being able to go into much depth, was to suggest reading back through older forums... you will see many discussions around this which may be of some help

Bunnie • Nov 23, 2019

Ok... my longer reply...

Firstly, there’s a very big difference between *online only* (with the agreed conditions that it will never be anything else), and online with the intention to move towards in-person.

From personal experience, and observation, I have come to believe that *online only* really only seems to function well, or have any chance of lasting long term, if the people involved have contact (not necessarily sex or intimacy... even just company or interaction) with others in-person. It’s often a very common choice amongst married people (who’s partners are often unaware)... however, it can also be an open relationship, poly or simply agreeing to being able to interact with others, either in or out of the local community. My past experiences (while I was still quite new) worked best this way (I was an active member in my local community, within agreed terms).

If you’re solo (single) and don’t interact with anyone or your community, *online only* can become lonely, stale and frustrating, and can lead to problems arising that may not normally, under different circumstances. Those things can be navigated, however sometimes you reach a point of wondering why on earth you’re working so hard to upkeep something that was just meant to be fun and light. Or, it can lead to one person wanting more than was originally agreed.

Having said all of that...
I also believe it can be a fantastic way to learn and grow. I think it’s actually quite a good introduction into the lifestyle, if you happen to chance upon a Dominant who takes their role in helping you grow, seriously. An unfortunate aspect... from what I’ve observed, is that it also seems to require kissing a lot of toads... because it does seem to attract those who’s focus is more along the lines of trying to find a quick, discreet way to “get off.”

The most important thing with any of these interactions *in my opinion* is that everyone involved is honest about what they want... you may not think it, but there will always be someone out there seeking the same thing/s as yourself... however, lying will never bring you closer to finding them, and the fulfilment that could be had

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Nov 23, 2019

I read Bunnies post and found myself nodding like one of those noddy dogs in cars back windows. I cant add much of worth to her valuable words apart from sometimes its just something you have to experience for yourself to make an informed decision on if its for you personally.

For myself I do play online only and am open to taking offline ldr (Iam in a poly 24/7 relationship)poly being on and off. I've found one of my love languages is "physical touch" once I figured that out and figured out how important touch is to me, online made more sense to me... and I was able to adapt parts to make it more suited to me. Sometimes what works for one, wont work for another and you just need to try it on for size!

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Learning } • Nov 23, 2019

Not that I have loads of experience, but my two cents would be that online isn’t such a bad place to start. I would think realistically if you’re looking for online to turn into a real life relationship, then starting something with someone clear across the planet may not be the best idea (unless you like the idea of packing up and moving). If you say I don’t mind the idea of moving even if it’s to another country/state then it opens up a wider range of Doms.

Like Bunnie mentioned it is really important to be choosy and listen to your gut. Psychological sub space is a thing and can get you into trouble!

http://thejourneyofwill.blogspot.com/2012/12/online-dating-tips.html?m=1

I found this blog to be SUPER helpful even if articles are old