| Chocolate Mistress(dom female) |
5 years ago •
Nov 22, 2019
Disobedient or not working
My frustration with my sub is that, he is very bad at communicating with me, he fails to complete tasks which I have requested him to do most of the time which is very frustrating. I am at a point where I think we are no longer compatible and I would rather end things. I have spoken to him on a number of occasions and punished him. I don't know what more I can do. Any pointers please on how I can make it work or is it not worth it. Just some background information on my sub and I. He is 10 years older than me.
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Online now
courtneyliveslife(sub female)
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5 years ago •
Nov 22, 2019
Does he know that it isn’t working out and that you aren’t happy? It seems silly but he is either blissfully unaware or being careless and if it’s the later then I would suggest moving on if your not too invested.
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Justme26
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5 years ago •
Nov 22, 2019
This might be no help at all but: Punished how: A lot of doms make the mistake of giving punishments that the sub actually enjoys. You have to find a way of punishing that he genuinely, in real life, does not like. This is often not a lot of fun as it often involves withdrawing something that you both like (Do not withdraw verbal contact, or only for short periods of time. If he will not do or except the punishment, finish with him immediately is my advice).
But keep talking. Make sure he knows what he is being punished / chucked for. |
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MissBonnie(dom female){oz}
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5 years ago •
Nov 23, 2019
Justme26 had a great point. Is he is a maso? pain within punishment doesn't work on a maso.
Is he acting out to get more into play? Often TFTB or bratty can come from this or them not letting go of Alpha behaviors. In fact there loads of reasons it could be but guessing shouldn't be our answer. your not a mind reader nor should you be. BDSM takes communication to work.When your finished talking you need to do so again! It never stops and neither does negotiations and consent. If he cant communicate his needs/wants/desires or why he is not being compliant (when you have asked him for conversation on the matter or for reasons or explanations) stop play! plain and simple. He only gets play when things are working BETWEEN you BOTH. BDSM takes two, if you need him to be more communicative, then you need to express this to him or show/teach/inform him how to, if he cant just do it on his own (or never had to). If he still cant be all you need him to be, then maybe you need to address the relationship and think about if it working for you. |
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AAapoc{∆phrodite}
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5 years ago •
Nov 23, 2019
Why should he?
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MasterBear(other butch)
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5 years ago •
Nov 23, 2019
You can NOT MAKE someone obedient.
There is no punishment that will create service. If the s type refuses to talk and refuses to serve-- there is nothing you can do. They have to choose to do so. He has chosen not to do so. Remove any thought that this is somehow your fault. You deserve better. |
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| Shiruba Doragon(dom male) |
5 years ago •
Nov 23, 2019
There is only one way to resolve such a problem and that us to talk. It needs to be assertive and definitely not aggressive. Respect his point of view even though you may not agree with it, and ask that he likewise respects your position. Tell him how you feel and listen when he tells you how he feels. Communication is the only way ahead.
Before you begin, be very honest with yourself and ask yourself the question, "Do I really want to continue with this relationship or is it time to move on?" If the later end it quickly and painlessly as you can - there's no point in delaying the inevitable. Some people come to us for a reason, Some people come to us for a season, And some people come to us for a lifetime...... |
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| Chocolate Mistress(dom female) |
5 years ago •
Nov 23, 2019
Thank you for the replies, I have flogged him in the past, which he does not enjoy as I turned things up and flogged him harder, I have made him wear nipple clamps before and used the rod. I have told him how I feel about his behavior, my concern though even if I change the punishment into something he really does not enjoy he wont do it. However taking into consideration what MasterBear has said I cannot force him to serve me. I have also taken pointers from MissBonnie and suspended future play. Should that not cause a change then I am sad to say that I will have to rethink our relationship.
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