How should a submissive communicate? D/s relationship experiences.

How should a submissive communicate? D/s relationship experi

MetalCage​(sub male) • Nov 24, 2019

Hi all!
I'm new to the bdsm scene and want to learn as much as possible about how to best fill my role as a submissive.
I have a few questions that I'm interested in hearing your responses to:

For Dommes/ Doms:
What sorts of things did you find your sub didn't communicate well to you before your first encounter?

For Subs:
How have you handled doms crossing lines that you had, either known to them or unknown? How did you tell them?

For All:
Any good stories of communication going well or poorly.

Thanks for answering!

Bunnie • Nov 24, 2019

Communication is an area where corners can’t be cut. If there’s anything I’ve learned... treat every person you speak with as though they speak their own unique language... because they do.

We may all speak in English here, but how we communicate and interpret what is said is completely individual.

Communication occurs by building a bridge between you. That takes time, effort, some trial and error, and forgiveness.

Re: How should a submissive communicate? D/s relationship ex

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Nov 24, 2019

Medical issues, that the (past)submissive "assumed" where not important to me. Gratefully they did never become an issue before I found out. He later admitted that due to being older, he figured they might be a turn off or a no go area for me. He wanted to "appear" fit and healthy and not be over looked. He has a movement issue with his upper back that required nerve blocking medication and was on blood thinners. Once I discovered this, he was told how dangerous this "could" of been since he was a maso!

Re: How should a submissive communicate? D/s relationship ex

AKittenforSir​(sub female){JohnBond} • Nov 25, 2019

If the line is known and it is crossed, my reaction isn’t a tolerant one. Trust is of the upmost important in any relationship but even more so in a D/s type relationship. What is the point of limits if they aren’t respected (even if the limit seems silly to the other person)?

If the line is crossed and the other person didn’t know then I take full responsibility for that. I can’t expect my partner to read my mind or can I expect them to stay on one side of a line they didn’t know existed. In this case, I find a way to sum up the courage to talk about it. If it’s during a scene, I’ll try to wait until we’ve gotten through the scene to talk about it. Of course if it’s a traumatic trigger then I’d tell them immediately and not risk waiting until irreparable damage is done.

Re: How should a submissive communicate? D/s relationship ex

Miki​(masochist female) • Nov 25, 2019

Good grief, woman-- Be Yourself!!! If they don't like it, tell 'em I told you to say "kiss my ass".

Really, whoever decided that there are "rules and definitions" to being a "proper" dom or sub-- is full of shit.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Nov 25, 2019

First off- awesome topic!!!


"For Dommes/ Doms:
What sorts of things did you find your sub didn't communicate well to you before your first encounter?"


My beloved struggled with having limits, understanding the seeker and the sought, and self care.





"For All:
Any good stories of communication going well or poorly."


Poorly: it took a while for us to learn how to fight. My beloved will bring up examples of things that we have gone through in the past. I viewed that as being beaten up more, and she viewed that as trying to make an emotional parallel. ----How I felt that way is how I feel now. ----Once I understood her fight language it helped me take an emotional step backward and try and see where she was coming from. But before I understood her emotional language it was very rough.


Good: when beloved is struggling with setting self limits she will often asked me to order her to stay in bed or order her to not work on her business. She's only breached that once. However her being able to actively say I need you to step in here has been a relief for both of us.



Another good was : when we first got together one of the very first orders I gage was no self-deprecation- no exceptions.. That was followed with a 2nd order of not allowing other people to speak badly to her about her. Even if they were "joking". And that was a very strong catalyst to both of us in how we positively communicated to each other.

MetalCage​(sub male) • Nov 25, 2019

wow that last example is very nice. the no self-deprecation part especially is super sweet, it makes you sound like you are in a very caring relationship:)

MasterBear​(other butch) • Nov 25, 2019

@middle


That is an unfortunate thought for many dominants that to be dominant over somebody they have to diminish them. I am exactly the opposite. I want her to be strong, capable, self-assured, and the best she that she can be. So that way when she lays down her slavery it is a hurricane.