Protection

Please excuse my ignorance as I am new to the lifestyle and to this site.
My knowledge is very basic, but have heard of new submissives being protected by a Dominant.
Do you think this is a good idea or not?
And are there any Doms/Dommes on this site willing to consider this role?
Thank you.

Welcome to the Cage, danceswithwolves.

You should be the primary source of your protection through education and by being cautious and using good judgment but you can certainly supplement that with the assistance of others - both Doms and subs. At the point you have a Dom in your life, they will have a duty to protect your health and welfare, and the knowledgeable and honorable ones will do just that. Unfortunately, not all are honest or honorable and some are predators of the worst kind. Ask all potential partners every important question necessary to learn who they are and what their actual experience really is. If they won't provide that at an appropriate time, they are almost certainly someone you should not continue with.

You can get help directly and indirectly from this forum and the blogs. You will find the Cage to be a very good resource for education You should take time to carefully read pretty much all of this forum. You will also find particular blogs that will give you both education and important insights. Various posts and blogs and some profiles have links to other educational resources and, of course, google and other search engines can lead you to a lot of important education as well. When you have specific questions, initiate a thread just like you've done with this one.

Additionally, the longer you are an active member, the more friendships you will develop and more resources you will have both on and offline.

Take your time, educate yourself, don't provide any information to anyone that could help them to locate your home or job, and learn and absolutely practice the important safety protocols (fairly easy to find online and probably on this site) when meeting someone for the first time.

I’ve also heard of this thing, or at least two ways for submissives to get protection:
Submissives often time talk to each other, give eachother advice, and also warn them when someone is bad news.

It’s no surprise , the first way subs get protection is by like minded individuals.

The second one would be by a dominant: sometimes that is as simple as granting advice, or more or less being someone to bounce opportunities off of.

The key thing here is this: the submissive will be protected primarily by themselves cause they have to be willing to listen, if they aren’t willing to listen then my mentor (and myself) say it’s out of your hands.

As far as the question: “would I do this?” Hell yeah I would, it’s important that the community remains healthy, happy, and safe. Both sides of the coin.

Excellent question man. Really made me think in the morning.

I’d lean more towards relying on other submissive individuals with experience. It’s possible that you’d develop feelings for a Dom protector and it may lead to someone being hurt emotionally.

I'm guessing you are asking about the more formal protection, like with a collar statement, is that right, dances?

As the other folks mentioned, talking with subs is a good way to learn about who it might be better to avoid, or help you to see red flags you might not be aware of. My personal opinion is that talking with the good Dominants is not a bad thing. You get a different perspective then other sub folk can offer. I think most (again the good ones) Dom/message tend to have a desire to protect and teach even for those they don't have claim on. That's a good thing in my opinion.

The more formal version isn't terribly common but sometimes a sub will add a collar statement of {protected} to their title. For example mine might be Henna (Switch female) {Protected}. Then you explain it's significance in your profile...a statement like 'protected by (Dom/me name), subs are free to message, all other Dominants must go through (Dom/me name) first.' It's primarily only used by very new folks or subs that have just gotten out of a bad situation and haven't got their feet under themselves yet.

I'm with the sentiment of the folks above though personally. I'm not really a fan of the formal protection thing. One, because sometimes the Dominant offering may not have your best interest in mind, and will try to sway you from being Protected to being Possession clandestinely. And two, because you need to be able to protect yourself I think. Doesn't matter if you identify as submissive or not, you are an adult and a person of worth.

There is no need to allow anyone just because they use the title Dominant to harass you, cajole you into submitting, or accept anything they have to say. You have the power, it's best if you can learn to use it when needed. You owe nothing to anyone until such point you accept them as YOUR Dominant. And a Dominant worth having isn't going to push that on you.

Being formally protected might help you deal a little better with that but to be honest, a lot of times the folks who you want to stay away from, the Insta-doms, fakes, or predators, won't respect your collar statement anyway and still attempt to contact, badger, or generally make as ass of themselves.

Just Henna's two cents though, dear. Much luck whatever you decide to do!

My personal opinion is no.
These are adult games with adult consequences. And I have seen this concept of protection abused on both sides of the whip. That being said I do think that short bursts of protection for very specific reasons can work for both parties


I knew someone who felt they made bad decisions when it came to play Partners when they were at out-of-town play venues and so they would go under protection to somebody local to that area to help them make better choices in play partners.


There was a event here in Albuquerque and we were new to town and I couldn't go and so I said hey just watch over her. And it was really good idea because sure enough somebody show their hands down her shirt. And it works very well for her to have somebody to go to.



Where I disagree with the concept of protection is when somebody takes a bunch of newbies and says I'm going to protect you and slap some protection collar on them when they have no idea what that means. And then uses them for sex and play and calls it protection. And then throws them out when they're done with them

Thanks to all for advice and suggestions. Much appreciated.

How did things work out for you since you posted? Did you get a protector? Did you reject the idea of this?

Curious

notavanilla

Counterpoint.

What does online "protection" really mean? You are the one sitting in front of the monitor and keyboard. You are the one with the power to turn it off, delete a post, block a member. What exactly is your alleged "protector" bringing to the table?

Now, if you mean a mentorship, well that opens another can of worms. How would you know as someone new to the lifestyle, whether you've found a real dom, or a snake?

My advice, take it or leave as you see fit: Read. Read a lot. Make some friends with other subs. Be careful.

Since you're new, I'm going to shamelessly self-promote and point you to some articles I've written here on The Cage:
https://thecage.co/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=2417 * Responsibility *
https://thecage.co/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=2420 * Commitment *
https://thecage.co/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=2425 * The Journey *

Please do read them, including the comments of others. I believe that they will be very helpful to you; that they will help you avoid certain pitfalls and dangers.

For a new sub just coming into the life sometime it is a good thing to be taken under the protection of a Dom. This gives you something of a shelter to look at the world from and it sometimes stops predictors from bothering you as much. It also gives you someone who will guide you and teach you what you want or need to know.

It is not always easy to find the right answers to the questions you have. Talking to subs and getting to know them is the best way to find out who is who and what is what. There is so much to learn as explore in the life. Even when you have been here for years you will find new things. Do not be afraid to talk to anyone and everyone. We where all new once and it is part of being a family to help each other.