Predatory Behavior

Primal heidrich​(dom male) • Apr 7, 2019

I've seen and heard far too many times about so called doms going after a girl and then right after they get them turn into the exact opposite of what they pretended to be. I don't understand why Men are so damned stupid to believe that having a relationship based on lies and fake ass shit will ever be a good idea. I truly don't understand this concept of deception they try to pull off. the truth always comes out. then they get pissed that the girl stops responding and respecting them. that's not how to have any sort of relationship in any way shape or form. even though its Men that start the trail of lies and deceit I've also heard far too many times that the Women knew he wasn't a true dominant and they saw the signs yet they still followed along. I understand there is some sort of attachment because they still like the man or whatever reason they give. they know without a doubt that the dynamic will change eventually and still follow along. I believe that if you know the relationship isn't going to be what you need in the end, why put yourself through the bullshit that's going to come from all the fakery and lies? maybe one day honest folks with honest ideas and desires will show up and take over. the really sad part is that there are so damned many fakes and liars out there that the honest folks out there get looked over. they are generally the quiet ones. confidant enough in themselves they don't need to go around boasting and flaunting their line out for whatever they can catch. this is just My perception of rl situations Ive witnessed and have had to listen to many girls crying about and dealing with on a daily basis.

Constellation​(sub female){Taken} • Apr 8, 2019

I've met all sorts of people online over the past 15 years. One of the things I pay attention to is if their conversation tends to lead to me telling them whatever fishy things about my sexuality. Anything that is personal that might be a slight content for them getting off to. Usually our guts tells us, trust your instincs.
When that happens, I figure they are more interested in hearing dirty talk than getting to know me. Then it's adios!
There's nothing wrong with dirty talk, mind you, but I always feel safer when it comes from me.
So pay attention to the dirty talks. For me it always worked (so far).
Good luck!

RopePrincess​(sub female) • Apr 8, 2019

Primal, you are absolutely right. They initially say all the right things and hook you, then you start to divulge some details of a sexual nature and their true colors come out. Maybe we try to salvage it because we think if we are more subservient, then they will give us what we need. We give them more of a chance than they deserve.

Constellation has it right though. Just get the bullshit detectors out and keep them out until they prove otherwise!

notavanilla • Nov 27, 2019

RopePrincess you indicated that you have had a few good relationships in the past. You in fact with two people. It seems like your able to find people and find what you want in some ways. OK maybe you don't have mister super wonderful in your life but we all have to deal with people trying to con us or use us so its just a matter of being selective and brushing off the trash and obtaining the rare treasures that exist.

Good luck in your search. Remember if you quit you lose at that moment but if you keep on then someone can come your way.

notavanilla

sexycurves​(sub female) • Nov 27, 2019

ropeprincess

I've just across this post and read the responses.

My experience has been similar in the vanilla world, both online and in real life. Sadly, like you I have experienced this here, online. It seems, it's everywhere that people will try their luck.

I think some are obvious, like the ones we have come across, and there are others who are more subtle. Like life, relationships are trial and error - listen to your instinct and learn from your mistakes, but still keep your heart open a little.

You will make and find some good friends here, both online and in real life.

I have to say that I generally agree with the responses above and hope you find and make some real friends here.

Neches1836​(dom male) • Nov 28, 2019

Women can be predators also. Just in a different way. I would say the 90% of the women I have met online after a few hours or days of chatting give me a sob story about needing money or they are ready to fly to meet me or drive. Just need the cash. I have gotten really good at spotting them and will go straight to the jugular of the conversation and they always tip their hand. I get it over with real quick.
Just turn on your BS alarm and once detected immediately block them.
I have had two great D/s relationships before the days of the internet. So I am on Fetlife trying to do the local thing. I''ll let y'all know how it works out. Damn I hate this century.

Onlinedomguy​(dom male) • Dec 21, 2019

Our community is not immune from the same kinds of personalities existing everywhere. When I first connect with someone who appears interested in playing, i take my time. Lots of thought sharing and listening. Someone said it isn't just Doms and I agree with that. I expect things not to progress because i need someone who's mind pulls me towards her. Most don't.

There are some number of Doms who think it is all about kinky sex. To me that is just a delicious outcome after connecting with a strong like minded woman who wants to surrender.

You will find someone who can show you he is wanting someone who can excite his mind and stoke desire ...

Miki​(masochist female) • Dec 21, 2019

Welcome to the Web as they've said for years and years..

Just like if you go to a club or even an ordinary bar (fuck it, even the damned grocery store)-- You're gonna get them-- the horn dogs and the gold-diggers. Just keep the radar up the same as you would with any other interaction with someone new.

I've only had to block two. One who wouldn't take "No" for an answer, got a snoot-ful and started being verbally abusive, and another jackass who turned incredibly rude once I told him I do not do KIK bullshit. I'm in here to meet and chat it up with people, read and learn things about others experiences with BDSM ; I will not travel to meet people, and I'm a full time professional woman by day and don't need a nickel from anyone.

Daddy Time​(dom male) • Dec 21, 2019

As Master Bear mentioned their are subs that are predators also and Ive run into a few here, their approach can be direct cock and pussy talk in their first message or can be more manipulative. I know there are sister subs here in this site that enjoy working with others and they are friendly and very open and honest. I am not sure about the Doms. I am always open for friendly chat and any advice or help that I can give with my back ground dynamic. I have several subs here that i chat with frequently as friends and a community. There are obvious signs you can look for in fake Doms, here is a good one from a reputable Dom on youtube regarding how to spot fake or real. https://youtu.be/YTjNu6Jsrro just copy the link into your web browser or search Beg for jay on youtube. Part of being in a community is to not feel lonely.

Allie Kat​(sub trans woman){DarkFox} • Dec 21, 2019

Personally i think the best fix for this is to start off with a vanilla relationship and then try adding in the lifestyle personally i feel like a D/s relationship is like "relationship level 2" so why start with advanced and try to go backwards? Relationships are always difficult, why add more to it before it even begins? This way also, you do what you would do in any other relationship, you start off friends, get to know each other and from that decide how and when you want to share your bdsm lifestyle