Meeting first Dom from here

comeherekitten​(sub female) • Dec 11, 2019

Ty tdo

rosethorn​(sub female) • Dec 11, 2019

Ask a friend to have a catch up afterwards, this can be a safety check in and make sure your okay. Even if they aren't in the lifestyle. Meeting in public. Try to be yourself, it can be nervous meeting the first time, try to not put too much pressure on it x

Daddy Time​(dom male) • Dec 12, 2019

I have an interview process. First its online chat for a period of time simple conversations getting to know each other, he shouldn’t be asking for nudes etc or just sex talk, then it moves to phone calls its a little more intimate that will last a few weeks (if they are really interested they will wait for you) then we move into video chat for a week or two the the meeting in public. This is how i eliminated a lot of the subs that contacted me but a few stuck around and im talking with them.

comeherekitten​(sub female) • Dec 12, 2019

Ty daddy time it's nice to know . That's a very good process

makemeplease​(sub female){Prussian} • Dec 12, 2019

Allow me to play the devil's advocate here:

I met my Dom here. It didn't take long for us to spark, (that's putting it lightly) and now we have a beautiful, full-blown wildfire. There is zero doubt that Him and I were absolutely made for one another. (Hooray for The Cage! Thank you!)

That being said: I understand to the fullest capacity that our situation is unique and not the norm. There are circumstances that made our situation easier to concrete than typical situations.

There is zero harm in letting things play out and getting to know one another slowly. Usually the only way you can really get to know someone and have them properly vetted is to get to know them over a span of time. There are many, many ways (thank you, interwebs) to be 'close' to someone when far away. The telephone (or cellphone, more likely) is a highly underutilized tool in this regard. When my Dom and I were forced to be apart, the phone was our greatest ally. We talked constantly. It helped us feel more together and allowed us both to gauge one another in ways that the anonymity of texting or E-Mailing can omit.

Be safe! Any Dom with good intentions will not mind being 'vetted'. It's for your safety, first and foremost and for the protection of both of you, in the long run. Check out his social media pages (should he have them) and get to know his friends. Trust your gut! We've become so estranged from that thing, but really, we're animals, we have instinct for a reason!

Best of luck to you! Be safe! Remember you've got a great community of friends and allies, plenty of folks who have been in your shoes to help guide you on your way. You did a smart thing by reaching out. We're all here for you!

comeherekitten​(sub female) • Dec 12, 2019

Thank you so much you makemeplease I really needed to hear that I appreciate you sharing your story with me and letting me know that doesn't always take a huge amount of time and congratulations I'm happy for you

HuntertheYeenQueen​(dom femme){Allie Kat} • Dec 17, 2019

I met my husband online, he is my first and only relationship ever, and meeting him caused... A lot of trouble for me at home. Tons of people going insane on me for the dangers I put myself in. But, obviously it worked out.

I *did* take big risks, I'll admit it - I flew, by myself, to a different state to meet up with and stay with him for a couple of weeks. However, I did a *lot* of planning before hand that no one even tried to ask me about. They all just assumed I jumped in head-first.

I wouldn't have gone anywhere if I didn't know he was who he said he was. We skyped literally every night, for an hour usually, before bed. So I knew his voice, his looks, his mannerisms, all of that. It took 6 months of dating before we were able to meet, almost a year of getting to know each other total - a year of *nothing but talking*. I was 100% vanilla and barely knew anything about the lifestyle when we got together, so we didn't have the BDSM side of things, but I feel like it's not too much different or shouldn't be treated too differently just because of a BDSM dynamic. Mostly putting that in there as we had no protocols or anything, so I can't speak on how that might be different. But your safety should still be #1 concern, protocols, contracts, agreements, out of the window if it puts you at risk.

I had him on social media, and could tell it was well established - had been around for years, had friends and family alike, and those family members checked out when I had done a little digging (Yes, I looked things up - you can *never* be too safe when it comes to meeting people online). His career checked out, where he lived checked out, among other things. I made sure that I never found anything that made me question.

One of the biggest things that made me feel comfortable - he constantly made sure I knew that there was *no* pressure to meet up, it would happen if/when it happened, and everything would go at *my* pace. When he talked to my father (I was still living with parents due to going to a community college not too far, so it just made sense to stay at home) because my father was deeply concerned, Wolfy (my husband) agreed I was taking risks and even assured my dad that he never pressured for us to meet - it was a mutual decision, that I finalized because I felt we were ready. The fact that he constantly tried to make sure I was aware of the dangers of meeting him, just because *you never know*, helped me to be more at ease - not many people will admit to dangers.

When I *did* fly down to meet him, we met, of course, in the airport, and we didn't go straight to his place - we went to the movies, and hung out first, out in public. I made sure to text friends and family often, so they knew I was alive, and would call my parents every day just to check in with them. They knew exactly where I was at all times, even when we took a trip to Baton Rouge/NOLA, they knew when we left, got there, left for home, got back. Just to be over the top in case something happened.

There was no pressure from him for *anything*. He even offered to sleep on an air mattress and give me the bed so I didn't feel pressured by sharing a bed with him. I told him no way in hell was I not going to cuddle him finally after wanting it for so long haha, but still, the fact that he offered to keep distance even then was a relief. Never pressured for *anything*, not even kisses - our first time started because *I* wanted it, not because he did. Which mattered even more to me as that was my first time *ever* haha.

Bottom line from all of this - you should never, at any point, feel forced, pressured, cornered, intimidated, ANYTHING. And if you can, try not to go too far, make sure you meet in public, and have someone close enough to come get you if necessary. Going by myself to a completely different state on the other side of the country was a big risk, and I knew that. But if you're going to take the risk like I did, be smart about it - do so much research before hand that there's very little doubt. I had virtually none, other than, "Well, he's human, and people can be insanely devious so *maybe* he's lying." but as I said, everything constantly checked out and there were never any lies.

Don't rush. Don't allow bullying or intimidation. Do things only when *you* feel safe or comfortable (Or you both do, of course - don't force *him* into anything either haha). Meeting online can end so wonderfully if done right Best of luck to you and if you ever have questions, need more advice, anything, feel free to DM me ^^

comeherekitten​(sub female) • Dec 17, 2019

Thank you dark Fox I appreciate all your words

Villanelle​(staff) • Dec 17, 2019

I generally try to stay in admin mode here and don't comment on many of the threads, but as someone who met my submissive online and ended up together in person, I feel compelled to comment. I echo all of Dark Fox's thoughtful response. I'd also add that there are a number of lovely people out there who are (I mean this in the most sympathetic, non-judgey way) fantasists. They may not be nefarious or wish you any harm and their feelings may be entirely sincere. However they may not have the desire or ability to pursue anything with you past online. It's easy to become captivated by the idea of a life together when you share a powerful connection. However, few people have the ability to leave jobs, family, etc. and move across the country or the world. So if "in person" is your goal, be realistic and honest with yourself and your partner.

comeherekitten​(sub female) • Dec 17, 2019

Thank you villanelle much appreciated that you stepped out and commented and means a lot to me yeah yeah known that I was going to move to Arizona in the future so I looked at personals out there. I figured it's only fair to do it that way I have no problem getting to know many people and I agree this is something that needs to be done smart