Getting into bdsm

Getting into bdsm

will frost​(switch male) • Dec 15, 2019

I’ve been a fan of bdsm for a while, but I’m tired of just reading about it. I want to get firsthand experience of bdsm, but I don’t know how. I have trouble talking to people in general, usually starting conversations with people, and don’t have any firsthand relationship experience at all. How does a beginner like me get into bdsm in the first place? Does anyone have any advice?

DrWakko • Dec 15, 2019

Go to a munch. And go to local events.

Lossofalme • Dec 15, 2019

A munch really is your best (and safest) bet. If you're not familiar with the term, basically a munch is a meet & greet event hosted by the local bdsm community where people can get together in a vanilla setting (usually a restaurant, cafe, coffee shop, book store, bowling alley, mall food court, or similar space that has that "semi-private/semi-public" atmosphere) to just hang out and talk. Some munches have formal topics ("Tonight we're going to discuss impact! huzzah!") while others are more casual, but the important part (for you, as a curious newcomer) is that you get to meet people and ask questions and hang out and get a feel for what your local community has to offer.

Often, attending a munch is a step towards being invited to private events where more "bdsm specific" play is happening, or to learning about 101 or similar educational events in your area that might be of interest to you.

Anyway... a munch (or two, or three) followed by attending a few classes or a play party where you just watch? That's a great way to move from "just reading" to actually trying things out and discovering what you enjoy. (and remember, just because something sounds exciting when you read about it doesn't mean it'll actually be as exciting when you try it yourself. And just because something doesn't sound fun in a book doesn't mean it wont be fun in person. Stay safe, take your time, but keep and open mind and you'll have a great story to tell!)

will frost​(switch male) • Dec 16, 2019

Thanks for the info, it really helps. Now, how do I find out about any munches in my area?

DrWakko • Dec 16, 2019

google

Re: Getting into bdsm

Miki • Dec 25, 2019

Definitely go to a "munch". Talking in here is also a good place for "our" conversations but personally online is far from my favorite way to meet like-minded people (M/F in my case)

"Out There", being twisted is still frowned upon in some of the more conservative areas of society, but even those who consider themselves somewhat enlightened sexually look upon BDSM , so being brand new, you can't exactly go out with someone and abruptly say "Hey I like hot candle wax on my schlong! Ever do that?"

The overwhelming majority of the time her (in this hypothetical scenario) eyes will go wide open like saucers, she may throw down her fork or napkin and storm out of the place uttering words along the lines of "Uggg you pervert!" and/or "What a creep!"

Problem #2 in this story: She'll definitely blab that all over town and voila, your name is "Scum"... or worse