Lossofalme
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5 years ago •
Dec 26, 2019
5 years ago •
Dec 26, 2019
Just chiming in to say WELCOME! And to agree that you've taken a huge step in opening the digital door and that taking some time to just enjoy that first step (and the relief that it's over, and you did it) really is okay.
You said that your partner doesn't seem to understand what you're asking, or mentioned any specific interests of their own... it's true that could mean you're not the most compatible couple, and you might want to explore how your relationship could balance as you both move forward. But it could also mean that your partner just hasn't ever thought about this, or ALLOWED themselves to follow interests they may have had but which they were told were "wrong" (directly or socially). I know my own husband has moments where he needs me to reassure him that I enjoy what he does, that I WANT what he does, that he isn't "bad" for wanting/enjoying/doing what we both want (and we've been married, kinky, and so on for DECADES now). So try not to worry that exploring your own wants and needs will necessarily mean you'll need to leave your current partner. It's true, you might come to that place...but you might not. Don't let a "maybe" scare you away from the "now".
As others have mentioned, showing your partner might be better than telling, especially if you're still figuring out what you enjoy yourself. Maybe watch a film or listen to a podcast together? Or take what you know of their interests and likes and turn those up to eleven? For example, maybe dress up for them or pop some sort of costume on them (something small and easy, like a hat or scarf or vest) and rock their world? Ask for a lotion massage candle as a way to open the door to more sensation play (you can find them online but also at, like, Target or Walmart so they kind of stand on the line between vanilla and kink)? Maybe connect with your local community through a munch or website and ask if there is anyone you might be able to meet with along with your partner... nothing sexual or play related but just to give your partner (as well as yourself) a chance to ask questions and get to know a community member in a very non-threatening one on one?
Whatever you decide to do next, thank you for reaching out and I hope everything works out for the best in the coming year!
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