How To Deal With Abuse & Abusers On THE CAGE

How To Deal With Abuse & Abusers On THE CAGE

Villanelle​(staff) • Aug 25, 2016

THE CAGE is new and growing and we're still in the very early stages.  One of the challenges that stands before us is how to deal with abuse and abusers.  Perhaps some of you have read this piece from The Atlantic outlining the challenges our friends at Fetlife have faced:

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/03/how-kinks-largest-social-networking-site-fails-its-users/385586/

As we grow no doubt the problems that plague all social networks will become an issue for us.  So how to deal with it?  How do you feel about the ability of one member to post an allegation of abuse about another?  Where should we draw the line while encouraging a safe, friendly, and supportive environment?

Bhruic​(dom male) • Aug 26, 2016

This has all been said before, but... The problem with allowing members to name their alleged real life abusers is that there is, almost always, no way to verify that such allegations are true in the on-line environment. Any such allegations are therefore potentially libelous, and a site that allows them - and by inference, encourages them - becomes potentially legally liable if the allegations are actionable by the person being accused.

Even in a case where someone has been convicted of an offense in real life, most legal systems operate on the idea that people are responsible only for the crimes they have committed, and that they can learn and change from their experiences, and be rehabilitated. They are not branded for life based on an individual circumstance, and that is why most countries do not have a publicly accessible sex offender registry... or something similar for other crimes.

Real life abuse happens in the real world, and that is where it should be dealt with, by police and local authorities.

There ARE people in the on-line world that others should be wary of, but people can use their own common sense, and a generally prudent and cautious approach when encountering people for the first time.

The idea of allowing on-line unverifiable accusations calls to mind the McCarthy era Red scare, where all you had to do, if you didn't like someone, was accuse them of being a communist and their life would be in ruins. Maybe some legitimate communist spies were identified during those dark times... but look at the cost society in general paid for it!

xVegetarianx • Aug 26, 2016

@Evangeline

The real problems are not being addressed in that article, so a closer look at the problems will reveal the real answers. To see the problems, we must look deeper into the actual users and see why they are really there. Doing so, I found we can divided all users into two groups. Ones that seek at least something sexual, and ones that seek nothing sexual at all.

We've all come across profiles before where people have nothing sexual on their profile. Then in their pictures, they'll have pictures of razor blades, lighters, guns, knives, a hammer, a crow bar, a baseball bat, etc.

"Homicidal" is defined as someone likely to commit homicide.

We should be against fetishes that fantasize the premeditated killing of others! Those that indicate a homicidal train of thought, can be predicted to become homicidal.

Desiring pain for yourself or others is not an indication of being Homicidal. Only when the desire of such pain becomes a mutilative act, then it crosses the line and becomes a thought impairment indicating a serious problem in the thought process.

Mutilative activities are homicidal tendencies! Anything painful and non-sexual for the purpose of damaging irreparably, causing scars, dis-forming, dis-figuring, and/or crippling.

Homicidal fetishes are not sexual, but brutally violent and painful. Such as: animal abuse, blood letting, burning, choking, cutting, dead bodies, dismemberment, guns, hitting, hypodermic needles, kicking, knives, necrophilia, punching, and strangulation.

An Adult BDSM Social Network should be a place for sexual fantasies and sexual fetishes and sexual kinks! Not a place for finding people to torture and mutilate, and those that don't know how to be the slightest bit sexual, are red flags.

The problem with FetLife was how it said it was against the fantasizing of murder (https://fetlife.com/fetlife/tou see: Prohibited Conduct: Sexualize or publicly fantasize about the following topics: murder (You may have strictly intellectual discussions regarding these topics.)) [size=17]and then they ignored all of the psychological warning signs that are indicative of spotting murderers or soon to be murderers, while also using their delete and edit censorship technique to make sure any convicted murderers were wiped from their website and never talked about by other members on their website. We can argue about the rape victims not being able to name their abusers, but at least those were sexual and those victims are still alive. Dig a little deeper, and the true story of what is really being covered up is way more shocking.

FetLife brainwashed their staff with this rule [size=15](https://fetlife.com/fetlife/community_guidelines see: Don't Out Anyone), to trick them into covering up and hiding crimes and criminals on their website. So since they didn't care about who they protected and who was on their website, it became the new wild west with no laws, and now that the website tried to go invite only, and with no email verification process still, it feels more like a drug cartel than an actual legal business.

So there needs to be psychological understanding about killers and how they develop, so they can be prevented from either joining or prevented from misuse of the site to twist everything into their own meanings and interpretations so they can hide under false labels.[/size][/size]

Bhruic​(dom male) • Aug 26, 2016

Really?! To make the totally invalid assumption that anyone who displays pictures such as you describe can reliably be predicted to be homicidal, is exactly the kind of accusatory mob mentality that I think would be devastating to an on-line community... and probably why policies against such accusations exist.

If your thinking was valid, one would be forced to conclude that fans of Game of Thrones and players of violent video games are all contemplating murder in real life!

I mean... you list "hitting" as a homicidal fetish! That rules out quite a bit of BDSM. I think you are a bit out in left field on what you consider homicidal, and where you go after that. Much of what you might find distasteful are actually many peoples' consensual kinks.

Bhruic​(dom male) • Aug 26, 2016

I'm sort of curious what crimes were committed actually "on" the web site?

xVegetarianx • Aug 26, 2016

I had made a group where I listed them all in detail with attached news articles and police records. I'm not talking about rapes and other little small abuses. I'm talking about real serial killers. That was the first time FetLife edited my profile to remove journal entries I posting about the news, and also the first time I dealt with FetLife deleting my posts, topics, and groups, and then finally deleting me (my profile) and then giving me my profile back as a way to erase everything I had ever posted on FetLife previously.

You are just twisting meanings, and not seeing things clearly.

If a person is 100% NOT SEXUAL AT ALL......... then post those things, YES, a killer in the making. You have to have knowledge in how people think and why, and how to read the signs. You can't take a piece of what I say and twist it to mean what you think it means.

As long as you remain ignorant of the details and facts, you only protect and defend what you should be against.

Bhruic​(dom male) • Aug 26, 2016

In your detailed list of articles... how did you know, with certainty,  that any of the people mentioned in the articles were members on Fetlife?

Similarly... how do you know that a member on-line is 100% not sexual... not that I think the conclusion you draw from that has any merit.

Accusations in the face of ignorance of details is, in fact, the point I am making.

But I ask again... what crimes were perpetrated ON the web site?

xVegetarianx • Aug 26, 2016

The news articles and police records/reports all named their profile user names. Also, every eyewitness had a story about how it all started on FetLife and how they got together after finding each other on FetLife.

Anonymous users, you never know, but people usually seek people with more detailed profiles. However, even a detailed profile, you can't be too sure. The only way to know for sure is to talk with them, and I would only ask them one question, 'If they could post just one thing sexual on their profile?'and I would tell them it could be anything or just a single word that describes an interest or desire. Then every single time, they always say they are not sexual and don't seek anything sexual at all, and don't want to have anything to do with sex. Yet they'll have tons of pictures of people cut open with blood everywhere, people hanging from hooks, people getting burnt with fire, people tied up and then punched like a punching bag till their whole body is purple and swollen, pictures of their guns, pictures of them mutilating their self like dipping their body parts into scolding hot water, etc.

xVegetarianx • Aug 26, 2016

You don't listen, do you? They were serial killers. I had posted all the links to the news articles and police reports, but FetLife deleted them and I didn't back up anything I posted about them on FetLife.

I guess now though, that we have a secure place outside of FetLife..........  hmmmmmmmmm  Should I? Dare I? Completely expose FetLife and start a topic or topics to list all the serial killers that have been on FetLife and killed people from FetLife?

I could do it now, now that we have a place to post them. I gave up posting them before, because FetLife silenced me.

Bhruic​(dom male) • Aug 26, 2016

Thanks for the explanation... I personally would not be confident making a diagnosis based on what an anonymous person says on the internet, but that's just me.

Just curious... how did you acquire police records/reports? I know, in Canada, these things are not available to the public.