Exhausting

Exhausting

BigandBeautiful​(sub female) • Jan 18, 2020

Am I the only one who feels exhausted just trying to weed through the posers and the real thing?

LaVieEnRose​(sub female)​{Kintsugi} • Jan 18, 2020

Nope, I am too! It’s why I’ve officially stopped actively trying for the time being. I need a mental break, so I’m going to try and focus on me.

I’ll still chat but with caution and I’ll keep my walls up, so if they don’t like it ??‍♀️

BigandBeautiful​(sub female) • Jan 18, 2020

I have recently described it as a posers just looking at subs like we are meat at the markets. Some of them are getting crafty, too!

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jan 18, 2020

Pretty much my view too now days.

LaVieEnRose​(sub female)​{Kintsugi} • Jan 18, 2020

My fave is when they’re professing how different they are and then you call them out on their vague answers, etc., and they run.

But I literally send a load of questions now, if you skip a question or answer vaguely with no further follow up then I’ll call you out.

If you want to talk anything sexual after like a week, I’m calling your ass out.

I’ve reached a point of I’d rather be alone, does it make me sad because I do feel like I’d be incomplete but it’s better than the other option.

MistySis​(sub trans woman) • Jan 18, 2020

can you elaborate... what makes them "posers" as you put it. And what kind of questions should i be asking as a sub (maybe i'm missing one)?

BigandBeautiful​(sub female) • Jan 18, 2020

Posers. Well they seem to come I all forms. Just because one says that they are Dom does not make them a Dom. A true Dom isn’t just about the sex. Profiles with no information, giving tasks, sexual contact or online quickly. These are red flags I’ve begun looking for. Just because he or she calls You a slut and wants to smack your ass doesn’t make them a Dom.

MasterBear​(kinky butch) • Jan 19, 2020

Not really.

I disagree with the term posers.

But the majority of my BDSM life is in real time.
So my experience in real time is with people that are struggling to understand themselves and understand BDSM. I think that it's easy to dismiss people who's ideas and experience are different from yours. Also in my opinion the word posers is simply replacing what used to be used with the word real. Is a way of creating an us-versus-them mentality. I'm better then you. In my opinion. Instead of looking at people as posers look at them as someone you can learn something from. Whether it's something you do or do not want to do

BigandBeautiful​(sub female) • Jan 19, 2020

Im using the term posers for predators. Take it or leave it. But I have found many of them.

raiseaneyebrow • Jan 19, 2020

While I can’t comment on it from your perspective I can confirm it’s the same from mine. The process of trying to be and give the best image to all of those you speak with is hard enough. But to then have those who choose to mock or ridicule is even more tiring.

But, as with all things persistence and positivity does pay off.