AKittenforSir(sub female){JohnBond}
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4 years ago •
Feb 26, 2020
Oh hon, this is awful. You absolutely didn’t do anything my wrong. Pain and pleasure and all those endorphins floating around in your body can cause all kinds of reactions. I’ve been a shaking whimpering mess plenty of times. Totally normal.
That being said, the first time I had an intense very shaky reaction after play time, it scared the hell out of Sir too. He held me and gave me the time I needed to recover, but he was hesitant not knowing what happened or what to do to fix it. He asked a few times if I was ok and all I could muster was a few head nods before drifting off to sleep. In the morning when I woke up, he was there and he smiled and said good morning but I could still sense his hesitation. So I did the only thing I could think. I laid my naked body on top of him and asked him to touch me please. When he started stroking and caressing I asked him to hurt me. When he complied I was sure to show him how much my body enjoyed it. After we played again, everything was back to normal - with him understanding that he hadn’t broken me the night before. We were able to have an open conversation about my reaction. Once he understood, he was able to work through it just fine on the occasions it happened again. That said, I do believe you should give him some space, but not too much. Be sure you’ve told him that you enjoyed your play time, your reaction was just from having all of your senses overwhelmed in the best possible way, and you hope to do it again. He’s likely just scared. He imagined a panty moany slutty submissive and he got a crying shaky one instead. That’s not at all a bad thing, but with his lack of experience he’s probably thinking he did something wrong or crossed a line of some kind and “broke you”. |
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SheaSubbyButter(sub female)
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4 years ago •
Feb 26, 2020
Hey there @Bunnie,
I totally agree, but there isn’t a way for me to tell him or talk with him because I’m thinking his pride and ego is overshadowing his thoughts as well. I told him I was overwhelmed in a good way and no gets it all right all the time yet alone in their first session. He jokingly but now I know he was serious said “You have me thinking your going to call the cops on me or something” I smiled and lowered my head and told him “no I’m not I’m not” I’m just feeling some intense feelings right now. It would have been nice but I more so found myself cuddling him and giving him aftercare which was fine because I was close to him and he was cuddling me as well. I hope we get another chance to @Bunnie, but at this point only time will tell, thank you for your advice and response it is very much appreciated  
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SheaSubbyButter(sub female)
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4 years ago •
Feb 26, 2020
Phanes57 wrote: Shea,
You would think after talking with someone for 6 plus months, he would had a better grasp as to what to expect when you two had your first lifestyle session together? I am sure you both discussed expectations, limits, safety precautions, and aftercare? Did he define why he was upset and considered the situation as to why it was "fucked up"? Do you attend to his needs during the session? I agree that perhaps he bit off more than he can chew and that he may had gone further than he expected in what he had done to you during the session and perhaps was overwhelmed by his actions in bringing you to the state of mind in the end. Possibly scared him to the point that it was a side of him that he is not comfortable in being. It is easy to text/talk out a scenario, but to put it in action when you are not sure of yourself and your abilities can be daunting. It's apparent that you two have a different views as to what you are looking for within the dynamic. He may be wanting a more conventional dynamic, sensual and intimate. Whereas you have a more intense, masochist tendencies. Both that should have been discussed over the 6 months of previous discussions in determining if you two are compatible in what you seek within a dynamic. Lastly, he shows to be a bit immature. First by not providing you any aftercare nor allowing you to enjoy your state of mind after the session. Secondly, not discussing as to why he was upset. As we all know, communication is key in a lifestyle dynamic and how is one to know what he/she needs to do to further improve on it if it is not discussed? Running off and feeling sorry for himself is a bit selfish, keeping you in the dark questioning what you did wrong is ridiculous. A major red flag. As others said, don't let this take away from the pleasurable experience you had, nor question your quest in finding someone who understands your needs within a lifestyle dynamic. Apparently there was a definite disconnect in what was expected to happen during this session. Heya Phanes57, Thank you so much for your insights they resonate with me on many levels. We discussed everything over six months, and he kept saying the same thing like “we have been talking for six months and this was nothing like we talked about” and I asked him “which part?” He said “all of it”. He has not specified why it was “fucked up” to me yet. Despite me asking so I just stopped asking and reaching out to him because I do not like how cold he is being to me and the feeling of being shut out without knowing the exact reasons why or even talking to me at all about anything. I tried to attend his needs, I was on my knees head bowed and doing everything he asked of me, but nothing really happened until he was trying to put all his fingers in my ass with his head between my legs with a gag in my mouth and me having multiple orgasms and shaking that he started to act more disappointed with me because I felt the need to pea also my whole body just felt like a raw nerve at that point and he was not pleased, he still hasn’t told me specifics about it. He agreed to all the things I said I wanted to try and he seemed to understand my masochistic side as well at least in our conversations, I responding to the choking and the impacts as well as I could considering I was gagged and he did ask me why didn’t I say my safe work I just looked around like “ummmmmm I was gagged” I told him that if I wanted him to stop I would have put up both hands and that was something we had not discussed, but I never felt the need to say my safe word anyway and even then he didn’t think I was being honest I guess. He claims during our six month talk that he wanted this lifestyle and he wanted to live it with me everyday which is the same thing that I desired. He always spoke about being vanilla as not being something that could any longer hold his interest after talking with me. But as you said @Phanes57 maybe he does want something more closely related to that lifestyle versus this one. I asked him if he would be willing to learn more about being a Dom with me as I learn more about being a sub and he said “Yes” but that hasn’t started and with each passing day I doubt that it will. Thank you again for your response 
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SheaSubbyButter(sub female)
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4 years ago •
Feb 26, 2020
AKittenforSir wrote: Oh hon, this is awful. You absolutely didn’t do anything my wrong. Pain and pleasure and all those endorphins floating around in your body can cause all kinds of reactions. I’ve been a shaking whimpering mess plenty of times. Totally normal.
That being said, the first time I had an intense very shaky reaction after play time, it scared the hell out of Sir too. He held me and gave me the time I needed to recover, but he was hesitant not knowing what happened or what to do to fix it. He asked a few times if I was ok and all I could muster was a few head nods before drifting off to sleep. In the morning when I woke up, he was there and he smiled and said good morning but I could still sense his hesitation. So I did the only thing I could think. I laid my naked body on top of him and asked him to touch me please. When he started stroking and caressing I asked him to hurt me. When he complied I was sure to show him how much my body enjoyed it. After we played again, everything was back to normal - with him understanding that he hadn’t broken me the night before. We were able to have an open conversation about my reaction. Once he understood, he was able to work through it just fine on the occasions it happened again. That said, I do believe you should give him some space, but not too much. Be sure you’ve told him that you enjoyed your play time, your reaction was just from having all of your senses overwhelmed in the best possible way, and you hope to do it again. He’s likely just scared. He imagined a panty moany slutty submissive and he got a crying shaky one instead. That’s not at all a bad thing, but with his lack of experience he’s probably thinking he did something wrong or crossed a line of some kind and “broke you”. Heya AKittenforSir, You know I told him exactly that, I was overwhelmed in the best way and wanted to try again and his only response was “Idk”. So I’m just here hoping we can talk whenever he is ready. I thought we connected deeply even before we talked about trying this together, and knowing that we both wanted the same would connect us even more so but sadly it’s not looking that way. We did have sex the morning after and regular sex is amazing with him as he has a definite direct line to giving me multiple orgasms we got together just right anatomically speaking. Even when we parted ways he was loving and tender and sweet but in the days following he has just totally shut me out and separated from me and it is really hurting me and putting a damper my sub side who wants more of him. But I do understand he may not understand his own feelings and it saddens me that he doesn’t have other Doms to talk with and get advice from like I do here with you all. Maybe he comes to a conclusion on his own, maybe not for now I’m just circling and hoping. Thanks so much for the story about you and your Sir, it calms me to know I’m not the only one turning into sub jello over here during a session 
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Samsea(dom male)
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4 years ago •
Feb 26, 2020
I can't belive what I just read, if you had gone into sub space in the way while you were with me I would also have a very big smile on my face as big as yours.
I am almost speechless at the way he treated you. He clearly does not deserve your submission and my advice for what it's worth is to walk away. He should have cuddled you, soothed you and enjoyed your moment of ultimate pleasure with you. i would question that he is a true Dom. I think you are fooling yourself if you think he will change. Stay safe |
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SheaSubbyButter(sub female)
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4 years ago •
Feb 26, 2020
Hey @Samsea thank you for your response and advice, I told him I was in deep subspace and he was telling me that I had read to many books and blogs
I told him that it was so important to me that we both be educated and have transparent communication because it was important to our dynamic and while he agreed it is clear that I took the more dedicated role of research and education than he did. I love to research and just gather information you never know when you may need something. I am close to walking away because it’s starting to feel like I’m being punished for being a submissive instead of honored and cherished which I know puts me deeper into my submission which is where I long and crave to be. For a second there, I honestly it was a bdsm soul mate connection I’m a romantic sub in that way, but I also know you live and learn and I am thankful for the experience as it’s useful for when I’m with the Dom that is truly really for me. Thanks so much for your advice and response it is much appreciated.
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rosethorn(sub female)
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4 years ago •
Feb 26, 2020
Ive had an experience where the guy was a gentleman Dom and initially found the marks difficult as he thought he was being a horrible person but i was quite happy. After a while he became accustomed to them and saw i was happy but was a sock at first.
Saying that... i started to push for more and he couldn't. As much as he wanted to see me happy he linked it too much to something it wasn't and mentally beat himself up regularly... thing is if you have a need and its not expressed it comes out in other ways. He was concerned he would loose control. It might be a similar thing where he hadn't made peace with himself and his desires and needs yet? ... Or A punishment turned into funishment and he is annoyed it didn't go the way he wanted. Make sure your okay xxx |
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IowaDom(dom male)
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4 years ago •
Feb 26, 2020
Ok, it is VERY hard to shock me anymore, but this one got my gas going. Such a HORRID reaction. I might fumble this a little, as I am just a tad pissed off (for you, and about him).
This is not in any way, shape, or form an acceptable reaction on ANY LEVEL. It is a total and complete disregard for your MENTAL HEALTH, disrespecting it, and you so utterly completely that it disgusts me. Frankly, this person needs to either learn what the fuck he is doing, or go back his books and silicone doll. I am so very sorry you had this experience, and such a sad pathetic excuse for a partner. Do yourself a solid here, put that cat back in the burlap bag and punt it over the bridge. Do not expose yourself to this maniac again. ~ID~ |
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Samsea(dom male)
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4 years ago •
Feb 26, 2020
Just to add that last year my kitten exsperinced sub space and when it happened it took us both by surprise, she needed lots of loving at that moment, lots of cuddles and calming as she shook and trembled.
My honest feeling was that it was a magical momen, one that I was able to share with her. In the midst of what we were doing it was such a loving moment... Sam |
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rosethorn(sub female)
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4 years ago •
Feb 26, 2020
Just thinking even when he found it difficult and was sorta pissed off at himself at least when it was new. He still stuck around and made sure i was okay. We talked about it for both of us after but we both did research and both newish... so... kinda had an idea.
You should never just be left there. |
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