Dom training

Dom training

Anah​(sub female) • Feb 26, 2020

We’ve all heard of sub training, but what about Dom training? When I try to tell a Dom what I prefer or suggest something(during messaging), I'm either ghosted or ignored and even once told to fuck off (then blocked). I see some submissive's profile say "If you message me with one sentence or send an inappropriate message, I will not respond" etc.....maybe I should ignore, but how will they learn?

DrWakko • Feb 26, 2020

I believe the best Dom training and sub training come from going to classes and reading books. By taking classes you get to meet people with similar interests. This goes for subs as well.

subs... if anyone other than your Dom offers to train you RUN! and run fast and far. The best example I can use is this: would you get job training at Burger King to work at McDonnalds? Yes, both are burger places, but each place does there own thing and different things.

For those who are wondering about life style books check out my blog for a book list. https://thecage.co/blog/userblog.php?postid=159&blog_id=83

Re: Dom training

Meg​(dom female){NotLooking} • Feb 26, 2020

You should ignore them. People who behave like that aren't cut out to be good dominants anyway. It has less to do with how a dominant should behave and more to do with basic manners, which is a skill their mothers should have taught them, but did not. It's not just dom who behave this way. I get fuckboi subs who act like that, and my sub has been messages by dommes who behave similarly. Ignore these people. You've already given them more time than they're worth by reading their message.

As far as actually training goes, it depends on exactly what you're after. If it's training in a specific skill like suspension or fireplay or something else that is actually dangerous, then absolutely take classes.

However, training to be a "good" dominant is a little different. Being dominant is an innate quality within a person. You ARE or you ARE NOT. I'm being a bit Yoda here, but it's true. You can't train a horse to be a bird. You can push the horse off a cliff, and it can seem like a bird by being airborne for a moment, but it will still splat at the bottom due to a lack of wings. You can't train an innate submissive or a horny, bossy, douchy vanilla to be a dominant. You can teach some rando to say the right things, or to handcuff you to a chair, but they'll always be in it for themselves, not because they are a real dominant. Internet rando will be looking for a way to exploit you sexually by getting wanking material and ghosting you. Your vanilla girlfriend will cuff you to the bed just so you stop whining about it and buy her a new lipstick.

A real dominant will want you to get what you want. Dom and sub are both service positions. You do what we say. We tell you what to do so that we both have fun. A real dominant will read your damned profile and approach you accordingly. A real dominant will know that subs aren't carbon copies who can be drawn in with a bunch of spam.

I never had "formal" training. I never had a mentor, despite looking for one. The closest thing I ever had was my significantly more experienced sub help me out due to his being a switch. Listen to your subs. Listen to how they want to be treated as HUMAN BEINGS before how they want to be treated as a sub.

To be able to listen to your sub, you must first HAVE a sub, which requires your behaving not like a bag-o-dicks, which is where one's innate dominant nature comes in. We want you to get what you want, so we find out by speaking to you like a human being.

Anah​(sub female) • Feb 26, 2020

Thank you, Meg and Dr Wakko. I appreciate the time you took to reply in detail. Lots of good information!

rosethorn​(sub female) • Feb 26, 2020

Sadly they are not interested in learning because they are not Doms...
There is a difference between sharing and going that sounds great but its not for me and just plain i don't do that...

MasterBear​(other butch) • Feb 26, 2020

I love Dom/Domme training.
Its critical.
We all started out not knowing anything.

The more closed a person is to learning-
They less they know - the bigger the egos-

I love learning new stuff- my favorite words are - I don't know, would you teach me? And I've been doing this for 19 years.

Island girl​(sub female){Yes owned.} • Feb 26, 2020

Meg, I found your comment very interesting. If you are starting out or in the negotiation phase of a possible relationship or scene, this absolutely applies. For someone already in a 24/7 TPE relationship, it doesn't matter unless it was previously agreed upon. A slave can respectfully request that their master/mistress play with them in a certain way, however, whether or not that happens is entirely up to the Dom/me in question. That is how my life is ruled, and after reading your post, I had to remind myself of that.

This is a HUGE reminder for those that think that they want this type of lifestyle. In my life, how I/we play in our relationship is entirely up to Master. No two D/s relationships are exactly the same. I have no say. We play according to His desires and I do my best to make His desires mine. No, it isn't always easy. I am His service slave, and our relationship is primarily about SUBMISSION.

Now, if I find that I have another kink that I discover, which happened recently, (I have a thing for block and tackle hardware which I think translates to suspension bondage but I'm not sure...) I let Him know. He knows how to use rope and uses it when He wants to. For now, anyway, He prefers to use commands to hold me in place rather than bondage because it puts the onus on me to obey Him. I can guess why He is doing this, to increase/improve my obedience, or, He just may enjoy putting me in the double-blind of whether to obey or react. Either way, it doesn't matter. A mind fuck is a mind fuck and it's all His. He knows what He wants from me and it is His decision how we get there.

thinker​(switch male){no} • Feb 26, 2020

how do you train for this? Is there a place to sign up for classes etc. Is hard in states like Montana

MasterBear​(other butch) • Feb 26, 2020

@thinker

Have you connected to your local community?

thinker​(switch male){no} • Feb 26, 2020

don't know if there is one in Bozeman montana