Teaching a non-BDSM guy how to be Dom

Teaching a non-BDSM guy how to be Dom

rabrabbit​(sub female) • Mar 12, 2020

Do you guys think it's possible? I actually sent a casual guy I'm seeing some material to go over (very light) that we might try. But I've tried teaching guys before and it never really went well, although some people seem to have some good turnout. Does anyone else have a similar experience? How did you guys go about it?

Teaching someone to be a Dom

girliegirl4U​(sub female) • Mar 12, 2020

I don't think as a submissive teaching someone to be your Dominant makes sense. You want to teach someone to be what you want, you might find someone that is interested but I believe eventually it will turn into the tail wagging the dog. In my opinion, you will be doing the leading and suggesting what you want him to do/be. Perhaps you could go to some local events, post in submissive seeking Dominant on here. Why try to pull someone in when there are many Dominants seeking subs, it may take time but that is what builds trust and gives you an idea of how to gauge the Doms that write you. I wrote to my Master for 6 months, we live 90 minutes away and when I finally met him, we had already built a level of trust and respect. Just my thoughts......for what its worth.

Miki​(masochist female) • Mar 12, 2020

Can't teach that. It has to come from within-- You're setting yourself up for a failed relationship.

Solace​(dom male) • Mar 12, 2020

At times I feel as though I have a differing opinion from most on here.

I believe that many will say if your partner isn't acting like a Dom they won't be a Dom. Few will say it can work. I fit myself neatly into the few. Take my view with a large spoon of skepticism but listen all the same.

While I believe it will never take with some people, I don't believe that can be known up front. BDSM is not very widely accepted, at least for some of us. Therefore it is not an explored road, mentally and especially not physically. The right exposure at the right times may very well reveal very dominant aspects of some people. I know passive people who who suddenly become unbreakable walls for the right idea log or desire.

I know many who would never believe I would have this lifestyle.

SimplyJane​(dom female) • Mar 12, 2020

It depends on the person.
I taught one of my girlfriends how to be a Domme. She was curious about my life and I taught her a few things, answered her questions and lent her a book I had called, Different Loving. It is an older book but gives a good overall view on bdsm.

HisAngel • Mar 12, 2020

I don't agree. It may be more difficult and it may not always work but it's possible. My fiance is learning and all I really did was sit down and discuss what I wanted/needed (limits, safewords, basic need to know things) . Sent him some advice other Dom's had given and he took it from there. We'd been together almost 2 years before I admitted anything to him about my interest in this lifestyle.

When were playing a scene I don't top from the bottom, I let him do things his way and if he wants my feedback later when we're done he asks. It works for us. Not saying it will for everyone and our dynamic is going to be primarily in the bedroom.

DrWakko • Mar 12, 2020

I do not believe you can teach someone to be a Dom. Being a Dom is something in you. I do believe you can teach someone to be dominant in a relationship, how ever dominant in the relationship is different than being a Dom.

Also even if you taught him to be dominate in a relationship he will divert back to their normal and what’s comfortable with them. They might repress some dominate traits and those might stay in the relationship, but most of their traits will go back to their normal.

Wolfwhip​(dom male) • Mar 12, 2020

Certainly possible to open the door to BDSM and see if he likes it. You can give him ideas and inspire him. You can't really teach one to be dominant though, that's something you've got to feel. It also seems that your experience as a sub might be hindered considering that you will be leading him, at least at first. It depends on what you are expecting.

rabrabbit​(sub female) • Mar 13, 2020

Thanks for the thoughts guys! It's nice to know there's various opinions. I'll just keep it in mind it's up to the guy, but you never know!

No Body​(dom male) • Mar 14, 2020

My former friend left his kids and "wife" because he found a guy whose wife was a sub but he was not a Dom so he moved in with them to take care of her "needs" while the husband was trucking. He himself has never been a dom but talked about it so much with me he thinks he is now. This is also the same guy who called himself a father once. The term Dom is now so watered down (as is sub) that I no longer look at them the same way. It will not be long and anyone who who slaps someone's hand will be considered in BDSM.