Marriage

Marriage

blue fluffy bunny​(masochist female) • Mar 24, 2020

Is there anyone who is married and their partner doesn’t agree with the lifestyle and what’s your advice with handling this type of situation.

Sammi Babi UwU​(sub female) • Mar 24, 2020

My husband does not agree and says he is not interested.
I think he's just scared and defensive.
I'm also new to this marital issue because I spent ten years hoping my needs would go away.
My plan is to slowly introduce him to things in the bedroom without putting a label on it and build his tolerance over time.
He is very specific about being afraid to tie me up and not wanting to hurt me, which is a continued issue, as I sometimes need both to tip me over the edge.
We've started by using ankle cuffs, a small metal spur (which he's growing more comfortable with) and have recently added light whipping, slapping, gagging, and choking.
For the most part, it's mostly vanilla, but I can see each time he takes control, he's gaining his confidence.
I'm not sure if this is necessarily the best approach though, as I've just started only a few months ago.

blue fluffy bunny​(masochist female) • Mar 24, 2020

I’ve took this route and he just not down at all he gets uncomfortable everytime.

Jolene​(sub female){PapaBear} • Mar 24, 2020

What specifically is he uncomfortable with? Leadership in the marriage? Kink in the bedroom? The labels that come with the lifestyle? Has he expressed why he isn't comfortable with it? My husband struggled with nearly all of these things, so I might he able to offer some advice if I knew exactly what it was he was resisting and why.

blue fluffy bunny​(masochist female) • Mar 24, 2020

Everything about it he’s never gave me a real reason he just says he’s not into and that’s it.

Jolene​(sub female){PapaBear} • Mar 24, 2020

If he's a young man, the idea of taking on the responsibility of another person might seem overwhelming. He might not feel emotionally or financially or physically capable of managing his own life, let alone leading someone else's. Or he might see submission as an excuse to be lazy and think you're trying to shift responsibility onto him that he doesn't want and that he thinks you should handle. In both instances, there would be no need for discussion, as action would yield better results. Trust your husband. Don't critique him. When he asks something of you, do it without question or debate. Give him freedom to make choices. When he asks you for permission, assure him that you trust his judgment and let him make the choice. Trust that he has the best interest of yourself and your marriage in mind, even if he doesn't. Let him fail alone and feel the pain of his actions. Let him succeed alone and feel the pride of his success. Submission in a marriage is oftentimes more than a role, it's a way of life.

If he's uncomfortable with kink in the bedroom, I support Uwu's suggestion. Start small. Take turns. Ask him to tie your hands with his belt or some pantyhose. Something you have at home so it doesn't feel like a novelty. Cover his eyes with a tie. When he's getting it from behind, ask if he'll grab your hair. I found with my husband that my playfully dominating him in bed and during foreplay would bring out a dominating side of him. All in good fun though, nothing emasculating.

If it's labels, then don't use them. People get caught up in what they BELIEVE something is instead of taking the time to grow in understanding of what it really is. It's not necessary to have them if it makes him uncomfortable. You can be husband and wife and still exist in a BDSM dynamic simply by trusting, respecting, and obeying him.

blue fluffy bunny​(masochist female) • Mar 24, 2020

I give him space to do that and he’s older than me and we have more baggage in our marriage so it’s not sweets and rainbows which I know no marriage is but he’s very closed minded with things it’s his way or no way

No Body​(dom male) • Mar 24, 2020

Oh I know so many that are only half into the life. An ex friend left his wife and kids because he wanted to be in the life but his baby mamma was only into the bedroom BDSM. Once outside she has to control everything. I also know people who have husbands who are not into it but let their wives go to play dates and such. It takes a lot of trust and love to be able to do it.

blue fluffy bunny​(masochist female) • Mar 24, 2020

Yeah he’s not like that at all he likes to control things but no I’m a good way if you know what I mean.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Mar 24, 2020

Choking is extremely dangerous, I would not suggest anyone introduces this to a newbie situation. Choking is placed under the edge play label, activity that is highly dangerous and requires great skill and knowledge to be practiced safely. Choking can go wrong very easily, brain damage and death can result if its got wrong.

Please learn how to do these activities safely and with skill. There are good books, good websites, good you tube videos available, but along with that you should attend training, classes in the topics you are interested in. For now during the covid19 crises physical world training clases are not possible but when they are definitely do them.