A Question for My Fellow Submissive Guys

burned​(sub male) • Nov 22, 2017

ok, yes I would like to chime in....(as it were)....anyway (before you read this I am terrible at punctuation...) anyway....I was fortunate enough to receive training to be submissive...not all are able too, but I did alot, and alot of research over a long period of time....there was and article I read (i can not remember word-for-word) but I will give you an idea of what you are up against.... The male submissive.....there are a million of us...and there are 5 million female submissives. (probably not exact numbers...laughs).....so the odds are not in your favor in any way.....but do not be discouraged, there are ways you can make it work.
I am not trying to be negative or difficult....just giving you how the article laid it out, and the way I understood it.

As Evangeline said so articulately above "Be Yourself".

You will not find an Domme over night (unless you want to pay for it) a Domme gets 1000 hits a night...and trashes 98% of them, so you are 1 of those million ask Your self..."what make you different than those 999,999? why are you different than them? what can you do to prove you are not a troll?, what makes you unique from all of them? and how are you going to show her you are a worthy submissive?

it takes time, alot of time the Dom/Dommes do notice you in chat...and they do watch how you interact with others. Do you acknowledge people in the chat room....or only a select few? (the Dom/Domme notices this) do you carry on conversations with others in the room?....the Dom/Domme does not want a sub/slave that can not carry a conversation on....or have a standard. Dom/Dommes are poeple to..and have feelings and have self worth. you will not find the perfect Dom/Domme just like there is not a perfect sub/slave, but that does not mean that you can not be open and discuss your likes and dislikes.
what I am trying to get to.....is just act normal...."Be Yourself"....be honest...the Dom/Dommes knows when you are not being honest. And relax make friends engage in chat have fun. but the key is....what makes you different from all the other Submissives?

just my two sense there...and my opinion, some my like it..... some may not .
and to A/all that read this if anyone takes offence to this...please I am not being disrespectful to anyone in any way.

thanks tassos

Bellona​(dom female) • Nov 22, 2017

100% agree with Evangline and tassos.
Here are a few more thoughts based on my own experience.

Meeting people online may be a good option because you have access to a much larger pool but it is a bit harder to express individuality that sets you apart, in my opinion. Far more of my interactions online are negative, involving harassment, objectification, or otherwise offensive behavior. Unfortunately, this is virtually a daily reality for me that causes a situation where sub males have to prove they are good and genuine people rather than being given the benefit of the doubt.

I actually have positive experiences using Craigslist to meet people, however, you will need to sort through all the other riff raff as well but that is no different from any other platform, and this give you a resources for local people.

Getting involved with your local kink community, or the closest one to you, is a great resource. I would also suggest that events are a great place to meet people. Events give you exposure to a large population of kink oriented people. Generally, depending on the event, there will be both educational and play oriented opportunities. In my opinion, a large event is an experience worth the travel and time.

nella_bmar​(other gender queer){sissy - un} • Nov 23, 2017

I've tried munchs, fetlife, even craigslist, but the problem was me, I wanted something that is more fantasy than reality.. you want to be locked up? Purchase a lock.. you want to find your limits, be very specific and goal oriented to one aspect at a time, you may drop some in time, and focus on others.. h, and I've tried craiglist when I just needed attention, it's helped, evenjust teasing them via email (yes, i'm that bad.. spank me..)

Taramafor​(sub male) • Dec 9, 2017

By not looking for them.

...

No, really. that's how it happened. I happened to meet people and we ended up hitting it off after getting to know each other. Munches aren't "the answer". Munches are also obvious. By focusing on munches so much I have to wonder how many people are missing opportunities elsewhere.

Also I was good at "being smooth". Apparently people like a charming jackass. All in good fun of course. Does that makes me an acquired taste?

Also when I was looking for them I never found them. Go figure. Kept my eyes open and leapt at opportunities though.

yourtoy1973​(sub male) • Dec 10, 2017

I found one on this site. One year ago we have not met in real world. I work and we live far apart. If you have clones you can go to I would do that. I live in the country and not much hear

Joel​(masochist male) • Dec 10, 2017

I would suggest you not have any preconceived notions of what you are seeking. I have been kicking around the scene long enough to know meeting the right person is hard but not impossible. Try to get yourself noticed by the community. Attend any local clubs and munches. Don't push anything and along the way, it will happen. There are a lot of new people into all this that are in the same boat and aren't sure where they fit. Why not get out and don't seem desperate.

I wish you well.
Joel

Jaz13​(sub male) • Feb 20, 2018

I've been married to my Domme for almost 18 years, so I am a bit rusty in finding dominant women. My best advice is to get involved in your local kink group, or nearest one. I have met more great people through my local group than I ever have by pure chance.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Feb 22, 2018

I was forming this post in my mind and then got to Evangeline​s post and started nodding my head. she sums up really well ,what I was going to say. See guys more than one Domme telling you (hint hint, listen and actually try to hear).

There are loads of Femdoms out there! Every day I hear from friends that looking for male subs. The trouble is the effort that subs put into looking for a Domme is dismal. There is little to no effort and more subs looking for fap sessions, when they want, under their control and instigating. submales your the lowest on the food chain (sorry I'm being really honest here). There are more male subs than other type of kinster. Guys honestly, if your serious put in the effort that Evangeline​ speaks off and you might be surprised. Finding a partner is just like the rest of the world out there vanilla, kinked, gay or brindle with spots. It takes time and effort to foster the right connection. You cant go into a bar and yell "who wants to fuck me" in the vanilla world, it gets you know where fast. The kinkster world isn't any different. Some of you mention weeks, months searching. Sweetie (see look smiling, no teeth) I know good experienced submissive that have spent up to a decade looking and doing all the right things. Others get lucky within days. Weeks, months..is really nothing in the general scheme of things (edited to add) when you taking a life time collaring.

Some one asked what site is the best. To answer truthfully there is no Femdom nirvana. No one site is better than another. Use them ALL (trust me she is using them all) . Market yourself, get involved in forums. Chatrooms. Use the online communities that you plead and beg so much to be a part off and yet a lot of you do nothing. Get noticed for the right reasons. Be proactive, rather than reactive in your approach. Be prepared to answer questions and know the 'whys' of what you want. Answering "cause it makes me hot/hard' is the wrong answer. Answering "what ever you want Mistress" is wrong too and might get you in situation where your balls are in a jar on her Fridge. Limits! everyone has them, even the Domina.

If you want it (a Domme) just as much as you want to breath, it can be done...with the effort YOU put in. Please put in the effort.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Feb 22, 2018

There's one problem with your logic, Bonnie. I don't see many dom females putting in much effort either. There's also more "sex focused" doms and subs that don't mind the fucking yet will still end up not putting in the effort regardless. Then there's what effort translates too. If someone has X need and Y doesn't even try then which is actually to blame for lack of effort? This could be something as simple as Coming up with more to say then a one liner in a first message (this likely factors in a big way. There's a thread about "message struggles" on the site somewhere) to making posts with each other. Or even not making the effort with sex (be it IRL or with posts). Which all factors into how much each person is "there" for each other. Both doms AND subs are JUST as responsible as each other when it comes to that. Talking and listening included. Dom females an also be as flawed as sub males as well, just in different variations. Gender also has nothing to do with it. There's plenty of sub females that are sex focused (just as many as sex focused males. High numbers with both). As for doms in general many can have their heads stuck up their backsides as if only they matter with no regard for others.

BOTH sides have to put in the effort. If a sub doesn't make the effort then fair enough. But if a dom doesn't even try for the sub what reason is there to make any effort at all? I don't think subs are unwilling to make the effort (or doms) but I do think it's easier said then done to get to know someone well enough to put in that effort to begin with. Which circles back to "message struggles". Or rather getting to know each other struggles. I imagine this is something that is difficult for doms as much as subs.

Subs aren't to blame. Everyone is, doms and subs alike. Nothing sucks more then putting in genuine effort and having the effort not be returned because they assume the worst about you.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Feb 23, 2018

Granted you are right but never forget she is the unicorn that subs are looking for. I was going to say rocking horse poo but being described as poo might get some whips cracked in my direction. Most dont bother with the effort because in truth they dont need to make the effort. We Dommes could use no words, images, or even list our age and still get offers of submission daily (I've tried this theory) Fair enough you find this annoying (and I see your point ) many would but many also wont care and will contact her regardless.

My point and I believe Es was, in short :put int he effort and it <b>COULD</b> makes a difference between you and the others in her inbox. Yep it sucks but it is one sided when it comes to Femdom. It is and always will be the submissive that has to put in the effort in, the majority of the time (in finding the Domme). These are still women just like in the vanilla world they like to be chased and woo'd. While granted she might be more sexually aggressive and go after what she wants, the man approaching the female, grants permission and consent. She still wants it offered to her to begin with.

You mention both subs and dom(me) are responsible for this and yes I do agree with you but when the need, out weighs the reality of just how many Domme there are, it does tip the scales in favour of the Domme (Female)



I can see how this could suck.