Only in the bedroom?

Only in the bedroom?

TitoJenkins​(sub male){No collar } • Nov 25, 2017

Hi everyone, I was just curious how can a sub choose to only be a submissive in the bedroom? Personally I have yet to conversate or meet with a Domme Female, but when I do I'm in 100%. Isn't that how it should be or am I mistaken?

Taramafor​(sub male) • Dec 9, 2017

Basically sex makes things easier (That comes from a dom I know, not me). it can be more of a struggle to think of how to order someone outside of the bedroom. Personally I need to be a sub at "all" times. Which of course requires more effort and takes a while to get "into". One might be good in the bedroom yet not out of it or even vice versa too. It also takes time.

As for "should" logic, only you can decide that for yourself. The answer can change too. Meaning someone might want to be more sub/dom outside the bedroom if they're close enough to you. Reverse logic also applies. could be one day you're on the verge of giving up due to never finding someone and then wanting nothing more when they arrive out of the blue.

Byrdie​(switch female){rl only} • Feb 29, 2020

I think that it depends on how you define it. While I understand that the internet is bringing these definitions into clearer focus, I believe that there used to be a general difference between meanings when looking at the East Coast vs. the West Coast of the US. It's my understanding that on the East Coast, it used to be common to use top and dominant, or bottom and submissive, interchangeably - and that the particulars of the relationship depended on those directly involved. Meanwhile, the West Coast was apparently more pedantic: topping and bottoming were more about sensation and who was doing what activity to whom, while submitting and dominating were more about who was giving orders and who was obeying. While the ideas of dominant bottoms and submissive tops were uncommon, they weren't unheard of either.

I've actually met a man who said he wanted to submit to me, but I saw yellow flags in not only his profile but his general demeanor when we met that made me question his wording: sure enough, he said that he wanted to bottom to me, but he chuckled at the idea of submitting to anyone.

So, when I see "bedroom-only" submission, I think of things like bottoming in private with the possibility of D/s role-play, or even subspace and sub-drop.

Erick​(sub male) • Feb 29, 2020

There's a lot that can be said about this. But perhaps the most essential consideration is that MOST people find that they can get into their sexual pleasures more deeply and in a more satisfying way when they do their sexual thing in private. Needless to say, this is particularly true if their sexual thing happens to involve deliberately adopting a submissive and therefore very vulnerable attitude.

But even if you're not worried about what the world would think, and are only concerned with your partner--still, MOST people find that they can better deal with a lot of the mundane aspects of life if they work with each other in those areas as co-equals. (And oddly enough, I think it's actually more difficult to always be in charge of someone else than it is to always obey someone else.)

IowaDom​(dom male) • Mar 1, 2020

It doesn't take much to write a blog SAYING I am or want a submissive. But actually being or having a submissive is a complicated path to say the least. There are so many levels this can wind up on! It can vary from bedroom only, to one makes each and every decision, regardless. As to where each dynamic finds itself? That my friend is the reason the TRUE BDSM Dynamic is harder to find than a unicorn.

To get there, we have to start with finding somebody that shares a mutual interest in each other, just like vanilla, now add kink into that and our pool of potential people just shrunk dramatically. Now we have to thin that even further with hard and soft limits. Then we take that pool, and start talking to people, hoping to find somebody that comes close to OUR wants and needs. Then .. MAYBE we have found somebody .. MAYBE.

I am not saying it cannot be done, in fact I have my hopes, dreams, and future happiness bet on the hope that it can be done. But it is not easy to do, nor is it quick. It takes time and energy, and the patience of Solomon. But as I have said in many places, I feel the end results in the most powerful and fulfilling relationship dynamic on the face of the planet, and ...THAT is for me!