Experience Needed

Experience Needed

Wolfwhip​(dom male) • Apr 15, 2020

You ever try to get a job, well, anywhere? Experience needed. But how do you get experience if you can't get the job?
That's where I find myself, being a young and dumb dominant. Not that I have a total lack of experience, but being young doesn't help erase that perception. Wanting experience is completely understandable and the age thing is just personal preference but it seems like an impossible equation for doms like myself to find a sub being that they want not only experience but the common "daddy" dom that is often (but not always) expected to be older. This problem seems to be specific to the combination because a sub man or woman looking for a mistress or master wouldn't generally have difficulty with finding an older partner that would match well, same for most any other combination. Don't take this as a rant or even a question to be answered, I would however like to see if anyone else has noticed this and gather their own personal opinions.

Sunshinegirl​(sub female) • Apr 15, 2020

I think it has to do with the stereotype that men 18-25 only think with the head between their legs. They only come to this site because they think if someone has a submissive “label”, the sub will do anything the young man wants. Usually they do this because they have the inability to get laid IRL/in the vanilla world due to their horrendous personality.
I’ve run into a handful of these young men.
However, I’ve also run into guys 30+ years old who are included in the above description.
It might be worth finding your local BDSM group to attend munches and 101’s. Fetlife is a good website for local stuff.

Bunnie • Apr 15, 2020

You’re right. It is an unfortunate loophole for young Doms.
My suggestion would be to utilise the time. Rather than getting down in the dumps about how unfair it is, spend some time getting to know yourself and how you tick. Focus on furthering your education... not just in the lifestyle... but in life. Work towards becoming the Dominant/person you want to be. Eventually there will come a time that you either meet someone willing to look beyond your age, or you find yourself finally reaching the “more acceptable” age, already miles ahead of others... because you will not only have some life experience under your belt, but knowledge and wisdom to boot as well... and I can’t speak for others, but I believe that is highly appealing.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Apr 15, 2020

Bdsm is an activity rich lifestyle, and everything requires knowledge and skill, very specialised knowledge and skill, to be safe and enjoyable, and while part of that requires practice on another human a lot can be prepared for beforehand wirh no other person involved.

Have you spent time learning as much as you can about the activities you are interested in, read books on it, watched quality videos, attended workshops and events on those specific and general activities? If the answer is no, no preparation or ground work done before getting involved with your first sub then being frank with you, you do not deserve a chance with any sub who you could seriously hurt through your ignorance. Bdsm and fetish activity is not something you can just do safely, nor in my view is it something to casually experiment with, but something that requires a lot of study and learning to be safe.

If you have not spent time, regular time learning, pursuing knowledge then I strongly suggest you do so, and forget about hunting for a sub, go learn this stuff first, do the foundational groundwork preparation, go to workshops and training courses and when you can show clearly you can do the things you would like to do safely, then that knowledge will help you to be an attractive proposition.

Bdsm is dangerous, very dangerous, many activities can lead if done incorrectly to permanent physical damage and many things can cause death.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Apr 15, 2020

I concur wholeheartedly with dollMaker and Bunnie. You do gain experience working on the job, but to get the job you really, really want - you need to get your education. It can be a vicious cycle. Granted, there is a stereotype for youth, but many, many submissives post on their profile page they are looking for a Dominant in their age category give or take a few years - and that might include you. Adding to what dollMaker offered, I would recommend reading the treasure trove of good blogs by many of the Dominants here. Granted, some are absolute crap - but some are worthy of reading. So glance at some of the Dominant profiles and if they have good blogs, read them.

I find I’m continually trying to learn to grow. Many of the blogs, whether fiction and fantasy, or just posting a perspective on what Dominance means, have gems of knowledge. One of my favorite writers on The Cage is nothing like me and I am nothing like him in how we might see our dynamics; yet, I read his writing often and learn from it, considering how it applies to me. Some of it I already know and consider, and it strengthens my understanding of what I am or desire, and some of it strengthens what I don’t want.

You can also reach out and have discussions with some of them, just to get their personal perspective. Some might make excellent mentors or to at least answer questions.

Of course, the greatest teacher you will find is when you get into a dynamic with the right submissive, and the two of you learn together, seeking out different aspects of the lifestyle and determining if it works for you or isn’t your cup of tea.

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Apr 15, 2020

I agree with everything previously said.

Yes, get educated. Read some books. But, my first, and best advice is: Master *yourself* first. At 18 years old, you have a lot of "rough edges", we all did, (or perhaps still do). Find something in your life that you have a measure of control over, and master it. Own it. Conquer it.

Believe it or not, this will give you experience in mastering another human being, and will also be of great life benefit for yourself.

GoodGirlSubAAA​(sub female) • Apr 15, 2020

I have to admit I could never be involved with a guy younger than me. I do prefer a slightly older man (although I'm not into the "daddy" stuff and more than a ten year gap kinda freaks me out). I think this is because age is associated with authority and respect. But it's also a natural phenomenon because men physically and psychologically mature more slowly than women. For both reasons, a young sub may not feel secure with an equally inexperienced dom, and woman older than you is going to have a difficult time taking you seriously as a dominant partner. So yes, it's a real thing. Don't worry--you'll be "older" soon enough!

House Talion​(dom male) • Apr 17, 2020

I'll give you a simple question that no one should take lightly. Your answer should come with a describtion of reasoning.

If you were a peasant or basic farmer, would you rather be ruled over by a Lord or a Tyrant?

Wolfwhip​(dom male) • Apr 17, 2020

Very well said everyone, thanks for the opinions and insightful comments. I simply hope this thread helps others out and answers the questions that I've been asking myself. Good to see you all understand the situation and have great recommendations. As for me, what more can I do but learn and grow as a person? If I must do that alone for a time, so be it.

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Apr 17, 2020

@Wolfwhip:
You don't necessarily have to do it alone. You're just going to have difficulty finding an *experienced* sub. By all means, if you find yourself in or have an opportunity for a "vanilla" relationship. Take it. This, too, can be a learning experience.

Take responsibility for the relationship. Own it. Be the leader. Inspire her to follow your lead. You will, therefore, learn what it means to be a dominant. And, who knows, you may just draw out her submission in the process. Just take it slow, don't start with the whips and chains. Be the guy that she can trust always. Do *that*, and you'll be well on your way.