Punishment/Funishment

Punishment/Funishment

Sammi Babi UwU​(sub female) • Apr 20, 2020

Hubby and I got into an argument yesterday. It started out normal, but then I blew my lid and completely overreacted. (Told him, if he didn't like me he should leave, etc) which is my common insecure go to and I know it hurts him terribly.

Anyways.

I got home and was laid in the bed and belted 5 times for misbehaving (this was his very first attempt at instilling a punishment) it was effective and sexy. Though my response was immediate anger, I was ready to go by the end.

The only issue I'm having is this:

I wasn't expecting it, and he didn't give me a number before he started. (Should those things be discussed beforehand? We're both brand new)

Also. I've been told that sex after a punishment makes it not a punishment and that's not how this works. So, I'm really confused.

rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich} • Apr 20, 2020

@ Sammi,
Put aside what everyone else is telling you for a minute....
What I want to know is how do you feel about what you and your husband shared now? Did it leave you feeling unsafe or are you secure in the understanding that he did it because he cares for you?
Anyone can give you advice on this, but the real barometer lies between you and your man. The only two that can read that temperature are the two of you.
Do you trust him and his intent with you?

Sammi Babi UwU​(sub female) • Apr 20, 2020

@rottenbrat

We did check in afterwards.

I asked him how he felt, since he is brand new. He said it was nice to be able to punish me/put me in my place for flipping my shit and
1. It's not illegal
2. Despite me staring at him and daring him to belt me one more time, I enjoyed it. (I think that had to do with me not knowing the count)

(Also, I realized, I don't have a safe word. I just say OW, softer. Which in not sure how to fix.)

It was exciting and I enjoy pain, especially the after tingles and the markings. I didn't feel unsafe or in danger.

The rest of the afternoon, he was very attentive, waited on me hand and foot. Even made me coffee this morning, which he never does because he doesn't drink it. So, the after care was in point.

rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich} • Apr 20, 2020

@ Sammi,
In essence it brought you closer. This is good. Your check in afterward and being honest with eachother is a learned skill, and it's great that you were guiding him with requests for softer reactions. If the two of you are more comfortable with a safe word, then pick one. Otherwise, if it seems unnecessary, then don't worry about it.
It seems to me that you communicate well with eachother and are secure in your trust.
The coolest part of this is that you are learning together. What ever you decide to do, safe words or none..... just keep putting eachother first. Keep checking in. Keep caring for eachother before and after. If you find you need some help or outside advice, seek it together. Let this cement your relationship and bring you closer together.
Ultimately, no one outside of you and your husband can decide if things need more or less structure, and that is as it should be. Just keep listening and responding to eachother.

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Apr 20, 2020

@Sammi

I agree w/ rottenbrat. You and your husband are the ultimate arbiters of what you will do, how much ritual, or structure you need.

To answer some of your questions:
1/ A count need not be given beforehand. Especially in such situations. I didn't/don't always give a count, because, quite frankly, I don't always know how many are going to be needed. Sometimes, it's up to the girl to call it. Also, you missed an opportunity to count out the swats as you received them.

2/ Sex after punishment can be very good *aftercare*. It's a release for *both* of you. The punishment is necessary because, in your own words: "[You] blew [your] lid and completely overreacted. " The punishment was to address your insecurity. The sex after reinforces your place with him, which should have helped your insecurity issues. Am I right?

3/ Negotiations don't have to happen before *each and every* punisment/scene/encounter In a well established relationship, such as yours.

Finally, listen to your heart, not to what anyone else is telling you, including me. Listen to each other. Don't get hung up on what other people think or say. The other people are not involved in your relationship with your husband.

--Rich

House Talion​(dom male) • Apr 20, 2020

I've seen it done both ways, but for your first time it may have been good to give no number while keeping the beltings small as to give you a taste.

I've sometimes discussed punishment with my slave whenever something I wouldn't like comes up in chat.

Sammi Babi UwU​(sub female) • Apr 20, 2020

Thank you all for helping me to further digest and understand our situation. I'm so grateful to y'all (yes, Texan) and this site!