Question for both submissives and dominants about communication

No Body​(dom male) • Apr 13, 2020

I have only been and know about the life we live for almost 21 years. Before that I had to be so many different things for so many people. The one that changed me the most was becoming a dad. That alone turned me into so many things but it was protector and daddy that came out the hardest. I have had subs and Dom/Dommes tell me they see the daddy in me when I talk to subs and the protector when I talk about my kids. I think i ti s because of this I have had subs come up and chat and then just ask for my collar. I have never understood it but then I am not them. The one sub I did collar said it was the fear of being alone or unprotected that made them just jump at who they thought was the right one for them.

I never have or will fully understand that line of thought but then I have been a loner most of my life. I use to like being alone. No one to stop them crazy shit I did or tell me I drank to much or anything. So I wonder is it the opposite for them? Do they need the reassurance that having a collar and knowing someone is there for them? Do they need us to not only protect but to guide them on the roads we choose to take. "No no do not go down that road I have been there take this one it is safer". Maybe this is what they need and crave above all else and will do what ever they can to get it.

I am not a sub and do not play one on tv. I have know a few and it is my own shame as that I have never talked to them about their needs and wants on a scale to where I understand them better. To know what someone wants and needs will give me a better understanding on how to be a better person and Dom to and for them. No matter what they like or who they are from the little to the full out toilet trash slave they all have needs and wants. It is that so many just want anyone who will listen to be there and they seem not to care who it is or what they are about.

I was talking to a sub once in a chat room and she told me she had met 2 doms (at different times) who had her get a hotel room to meet in. One beat her black and blue the other put her in the hospital. She did not file charges on either. So I wanted to meet her at the mall in front of everyone out in the open safe and secure. No she would not do it. I stopped talking to her and I have no idea how she is now or if she ever got what she was looking for. We a;; need someone but we need to learn who they are and if they are right for us and us for them.

Just my thoughts. Tal

DaddyDak​(dom male) • Apr 13, 2020

As a switch, I expect people to treat me with respect. I do the same. I email both Dommes and subs the same: with respect. You’re a human being first. All of the other stuff comes second in my book. Earn the trust of your partners before any demands are made. I expect nothing from the start unless that is something they choose to do. BDSM dynamics are those reserved for those who have effectively communicated and consented. None of that is possible in an initial conversation.

House Talion​(dom male) • Apr 21, 2020

Enjoy the attention. My slave is constantly asking to video chat with me and I'm sure once the crisis is over shell be demanding a lot of irl attention. Still, do keep in mind who the Dom/me is and make sure they know as well. Showing up casually latebis respectfully reserved for Dom/mes and wizards as we dont really show up late, but we arrive right when we intend to!