Where to start

Where to start

MissMH​(switch female) • Apr 27, 2020

Hello all,
I am new to the community and should start by saying I am a virgin. I am looking to start exploring beyond myself pleasure and was wondering where I should start. According to my results of the BDSM test I am a switch but mainly submissive. I am familiar with terms meanings and lifestyle. I am wanting to dive in and would appreciate any help you all could provide.

petiteluna​(sub female) • Apr 27, 2020

Welcome! I’m excited for your journey~

I’m relatively new about learning about the BDSM lifestyle, but I assure you that you’re at the right place Overall the community is super caring and helpful. What I’ve found the best source of information is reading peoples’ blogs on here and going through the forums. If there’s something you don’t understand you can always ask. Also, quite a few of the members on here right great posts (more like eloquent essays!) that are very informative in a formal way as well as their personal experience.

Or if you’d like to private message me as well, please do! My knowledge is limited, but I’m more than willing to be a friend for you

No Body​(dom male) • Apr 27, 2020

Join us in chat ask questions and just have fun. Welcome be safe have fun.

heartbrokengirl​(sub female) • Apr 27, 2020

Reading blogs are a great way to learn and find people that my share what your looking to get out of this community. Read forum posts and topics of discussion that interest you.
It can be overwhelming at first when you make your profile. Ask a lot of questions and trust your instincts when it comes to messages from people. Its a wonderful community and there are a lot of people to gain experience from.

Alleah​(switch female) • Apr 27, 2020

What others have said.

But also: be careful. There are tons of guys here (and elsewhere) ready to prey on your ignorance and virginity for a quick fix and have no desire for a meaningful thing. And, just starting out (and as a virgin), you probably want a meaningful relationship around your first experiences as a comforting support.

Watch out for guys that request you submit or act like you will immediately, without even asking anything about you. No matter how much info you have on your profile, they should always check what you want, what your goals are (in bdsm/sex, AT LEAST), what your limits are, as well as other more traditional "potential boyfriend/lover" type things if they are aiming for something real. Also, they should spend some time talking to you.

For stuff you can do:
-educate yourself on human sexual anatomy. Even if you think you learned this and know this, make sure. Like: did you know the clitoris extends down inside the vagina? It isnt just that little nub.
- do searches for female "pleasure spots" and try to reach them yourself. See how you like them
- make sure that you understand basic bdsm etiquette (basically just general etiquette with kink related stuff like protocol and collars)
- make sure you understand the differences between master/dom/Daddy and slave/sub/little girl and try to figure out where you land without that near-useless test (only really good for vocabulary, honestly) .
- develop your BDSM goals and know/understand them well so you can convey them. (Check my profile for an example near the bottom).

There is more you can do, mostly involving research and hard learning. Finding things online can be irritating and sometimes misleading; many things depend on the Dom/your dynamic specifically, so it would be good to guess what you might want and take strong note of that. And do come into the chat or forums and ask (specific) questions!

Good luck out there!

(This has been another long post brought to you by me....hahaha)

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Apr 27, 2020

@MissMH

Reach out to your fellow subs *first*. I have a some good educational material in my blog if you care to read it.

Unfortunately, by advertising both virginity and new to the culture, there is now blood in the water, and the sharks *will* try to feed. PROTECT yourself.

I'll repeat here, something I've said in another post: My father taught me to swim by grabbing my by the neck and the shorts, and tossing me into the water, while yelling: "Swim or drown!". I don't recommend this approach to learning how to swim, nor to bdsm, nor to really anything. I *did* learn to swim, but I would have preferred another introduction.

Similarly, don't "dive in" to bdsm. Take it slow. Your fellow subs are a great resource, and they will gladly help you. Any "dom" that's more interested in what's between your legs instead of what's between your ears is someone to be avoided.

Feel free to ask questions. Welcome to the cage.

--Rich

petiteluna​(sub female) • Apr 27, 2020

@Imaginary I looked at your profile too, and this was super helpful to me too! So thank you ) Making a written out my BDSM goals right now is quite enlightening!

Alleah​(switch female) • Apr 27, 2020

Glad it helped! :>
Sometimes it is just good to get down in writing what you're doing and why, tomhelp solidify those vague ideas in your head.

Especially useful for something as complex as a potential BDSM relationship ...

MissMH​(switch female) • Apr 27, 2020

Thank you guys for your feed back. I appreciate your input. I know that I am inexperienced but I don't want that to come off as naive. I will definitely check out those chat rooms as well as the blogs. They seem like they will be a great source of information. You guys are great help.

House Talion​(dom male) • Apr 27, 2020

I always tell newbs to explore their kitchen. Grab an implement like a wooden spoon or a spatula and smack your arm. If you like the sensation then smack your ass or arm, thigh, breast. Give yourslef a good understanding of which if these experiences you enjoy the most and dont be afraid to try the cutting board or a wisk.