How To Punish

How To Punish

Sammi Babi UwU​(sub female) • Apr 27, 2020

I'm feeling super frustrated right now and I need advice.

Husband dished out a punishment, that I deserved, and I did it. (One hour wearing benwall balls around the house while I do my wifely duties) they're just a tad too big so they get painfully intense... Anyways.

When my time was up, husband told me, now videotape yourself finishing yourself. Which I couldn't do because... Kids.

He then told me because I didn't finish what he wanted me to do, I need to do it all again tonight after kids are in bed.

I feel like this is incredibly unfair. I asked him, going forward to give me all the information up front instead of changing it on me at the last minute. He said his expectations had evolved.

I feel like if all the information isn't given to me at the beginning, there's no way I can do it right for him and am being set up to fail causing disappointment in myself and frustrations in him.

Am I being too harsh on this?

daadygoodlove​(dom male) • Apr 27, 2020

I don't think you are. Instruction should be clear and complete.

House Talion​(dom male) • Apr 27, 2020

I beleive you and your hubby (bitch lol, I recall your prior post) dont have an exact agreement of punishments yet. For some it's not needed while others have it as a requirement. If you have no agreement and a problem with him adding on to it or changing it then it should be talked about before it becomes a real problem. If your bratty side came out too harshly you might enjoy it if he ties you down and watches you yearn forbhisbtouch while he watches the game, but too much bratt can also end the scene. Also I'm sure most ppl here will agree that children should never be involved or allowed to witness

Hisproclivity​(sub female) • Apr 27, 2020

No you aren't... I am slightly surprised. He knows you have more duties than just serving him, imo he should haven't even expected you to finish while tending to the children. It's a fulltime job! The ben wa balls are a fun thing for you two to share in and get you ready for him, but I think his expectations are a little high for the day's activities. Discuss your concerns and have him explain why it was so important for you to finish while tending to kids. Communication...its all about communication.

Onlinedomguy​(dom male) • Apr 27, 2020

i think if you feel any punishment is unfair or you have concerns about, you need to share that in the moment or as soon as you are able to process it. i am always a bit concerned to agree with anyone in situations like this because we are hearing just one perspective on the situation. i think the only way to work through it is to talk about it, how it made you feel and why. i think in any dynamic things happen which are going to possibly cause frustration, hurt feelings, or other emotions. just let him know.

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Apr 27, 2020

I think you need to have this discussion w/ your husband.

You're both trying to find your way. You'll run aground on a reef if you two don't or can't honestly, frankly and openly communicate.

Any advice *we* give is going to be one-sided, because we're only hearing one side -- that's a recipe for disaster.

Sammi, you wanted him to step up. He's stepping up. Don't discourage him now. Have the conversation.

--Rich

Sammi Babi UwU​(sub female) • Apr 28, 2020

That's just it. I did.
Before I came here.
I told him I needed the entirety of my expectations up front, or I can't consent properly. I feel like adding on sets me up for failure because at some point, some time, like today, I'll have to say no.
He said, what he wants me to do evolves.

I said his want and my needs or on a different level.
He said, in too controlling to be a sub and he needed space.

😑

Wolfwhip​(dom male) • Apr 28, 2020

How are you supposed to follow rules that aren't clear? I definitely suggest speaking with him about it so you can improve and do better next time.
I'm sure he had fancy plans in his mind but with things getting in the way it's always best to make plans and clear rules rather then improvise.

switch101​(switch male) • Apr 28, 2020

I had a similar situation once, it was solved by having an agreement on the type of punishment that is to be expected from any predicted mistakes I usually make.

LordofPain56 • Apr 28, 2020

I'm not sure this is a good example, but I don't have what they call a contract (I don't believe in slavery nor ownership). But I do have what I call a "covenant". It includes a complete list of transgressions (in their most basic form) one of which is dis-obedience. The "covenant" also includes a complete list of character traits and examples showing her how I will interact with her on a daily basis. There is a separate list that includes punishments, their length and severity corresponding to each transgression. These are written documents that she can keep, read and must ultimately agree upon PRIOR to the development of a relationship. During the "courting" period, she must present me with concerns or disagreements she has with ANYTHING in the "covenant". Those issues must be ironed out prior to beginning a committed relationship.

One of the things I used to say in my profile (not the one I have here, it is a condensed version) is that I am VERY consistent and that I do not change inwardly (other than spiritual improvement) and that I do not go back on my word (which most probably take to mean that I keep my promises), but it has other meanings too, such as like what you are talking about.

I have always been very anal about this stuff. To me, this is serious stuff. I'm not a player and I don't like the idea of hooking up and somehow having someones feelings hurt or any other type of dissatisfaction just because she was not made privy to certain unknowns. I can't imagine a worse feeling than being in a relationship with someone who is unhappy.

But see, maybe your man likes to keep things loose and "interesting"! But maybe you are not wired that way. You gotta figure it out and when you do, talk to him about it and see if you can come to a mutual agreement about stuff like this.
Me, I am rigid and routine oriented, obviously, but at least she would know what to expect.