everyone has a joke in them let's hear your fav

i'm laughing a lot today, some funny stuff.

Why can't you trust atoms?...

Because they make up everything ?

I love clever jokes

I love to sleep under the stars
Pavarotti was a bit heavy though

What do you do when you see your ex husband writhing in agony???


shoot him again

Aliens land:

Aliens: 'Take us to your leader'.

Me: 'Can't right now, we're going skiing'.

Aliens: 'What's skiing'.

Me: 'Well, first you go to the top of this really, really high mountain that's covered in this cold slippery stuff called snow. The you strap on theses skinny little sticks to your feet, and try to go straight down this steep mountain i a standing position without killing yourself. And if you survive, you stand in a long lie for the opportunity to do it again'.

Aliens: 'Goodbye'.

Me: 'Where are you going'.

Aliens: 'In search of intelligent life'.

Bob goes to see his friend Pete. He finds Pete in his barn dancing naked around his John Deere. "What are you doing!" asks Bob.
Pete stops dancing and says, "My wife has been ignoring me lately so I talked to my psychiatrist and he said I needed to do some thing sexy to a tractor."

I couldnt stay at my last job after what they said to me.


What did they say?

Your fired.

A string walks into a bar. The bartender tells him: "We don't serve your kind in here. Get out!", and the picks the string up, and tosses him out the door.

The string, undeterred, goes back into the bar. The bartender says: "I told you, we don't serve your kind in here!", and again tosses him out.

The string enters the bar for the 3rd time, and the bartender get rough with him this time, tossing him out again.

The string is now just beside himself with anger and frustration. He is so upset that he pulls the threads of his body loose, and so frustrated the he ties himself into a knot.

Not ready to give up, he walks back into the bar. The bartender sees him and says: "Hey! Aren't you that string I've been throwing out of here?"

And the string replies: "No, I'm a 'fraid not!"

I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what they were laced with, but I’ve been tripping all day.